Vulnerability in Marriage

Pornography is a topic that gets talked about a lot in some circles. Apparently there has been a steep increase in the use of pornographic material. Husbands are being tempted to use this as a replacement instead of going to their wives for sexual connection and having that need met there.

After reading about this I couldn’t help but wonder why individuals aren’t discussing what’s at the root cause of this? So some husbands are looking at pornography, okay. So that’s the symptom telling me that something else is going on in the man’s heart or is going on in that marriage relationship that needs a remedy.

A wise person once talked about couples coming together regularly as being a good indicator that those marriages were probably strong and healthy. If couples are coming together regularly for sexual connection, then other areas (emotional, spiritual, intellectual) of their marriage are probably strong and healthy too.

But for those who are experiencing some symptoms, what’s going on in the relationship that needs to be addressed and healed?

Here are two examples:

Scenario One

Life Got Busy and Physical Intimacy Got Placed On The Back Burner. 

Guys, most women are reasonable if you speak to their logical mind.

If you said, “Hey I’m feeling tempted in this area because we’re not getting it on regularly, what can we do about this? Do you need more sleep? How can I help love on you more? I want you and only you, because you’re my smokin’ hot wife.” She’s likely to appreciate your vulnerability AND be prepared, she may come back with, “Thanks for being honest. I would be more in the mood if “x” happened more often. What can we do about it?”

So this opens up the conversation in a pretty healthy and respectful way.

Listen and repeat back. 

Husbands – acknowledge your wife’s feelings and repeat back to her what she needs from you. That lets her know you’re actually taking in what’s she’s saying. She’s likely to mirror that back to you, acknowledging how you’re feeling and expressing she gets what you need from her.

Together think of win win solutions.

Set goals together. Two times a week she’ll get x from you, two times a week she’ll invite you into being sexually intimate. Everyone wins and walks away feeling heard and like they’re getting the best out of the deal.

Scenario Two:

He’s Been Emasculated.

Husband feels emasculated by his wife. She compares him negatively to other men or treats him in a way that makes him feel as though he’ll never be good enough. Or maybe this wife never acknowledges that her husband is right, which over time cuts him down. This habit over time leads to him turning to pornography because at least the fake girl in the video makes him feel good about himself temporarily.

Owning Feelings and Labeling Behavior.

The husband needs to bring this up to his wife in a way that labels her behavior, and let’s her know how her behavior is impacting him negatively. Hopefully she’ll receive this constructive criticism, start acknowledging where she was wrong and starts working to improve their relationship. If you’re husband is being vulnerable ladies, please pay attention. He is trying to tell you something is not right here and it needs to get fixed before things get worse.

These are just two examples, personalize it to fit your specific scenario.

And just a reminder men, your wife’s sexual libido is highly dependent on your pursuit of her. We ladies are designed to respond to your display of love for us. You lead here and we respond! Ladies, build up your husband and let him know you desire him physically as well.

 

 

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