Sexual Motivation – Keep that Hubby Working Hard!

Sexual Motivation – Keep that Hubby Working Hard!

Alright ladies, you’re the boss of your organization, just one of the many responsibilities you have. You know you want your husband to keep performing his job well, but he needs to stay motivated. So what is one of his top motivators outside of money? SEX as reinforcement!

How often should you make sure he is earning his reinforcement? Twice a week is a pretty reasonable amount of time for most couples. How do you make sure you’re getting the top performance for the set wage you’re paying him (again sex twice a week)? Here’s where I need to explain some psychology concepts for you to learn and then figure out how to best apply this knowledge in order to run your organization, um, I mean, marriage and household…

Reinforcement is a term used when describing a stimulus that helps learn a desired behavior or maintain a desired behavior. Positive reinforcement is used to strengthen a behavior and increase the likelihood that the desired behavior will happen again. So say you want to reinforce your husband for working hard as a provider and being a great husband/dad, he needs to be rewarded with sex from you in order to know he’s doing a good job and that he should keep doing those desired behaviors well 🙂

Now that you understand what reinforcement is and why it’s important, let’s talk a moment about schedules of reinforcement.

Really, when it comes to a schedule of reinforcement for sex, you’re going to chose from either a fixed interval schedule or a variable ratio schedule.

A fixed interval schedule is the idea behind earning a paycheck every two weeks. You know exactly when you’ll receive the reward. It usually produces high responding near the end of the interval, like right before you collect your paycheck, and then lower responding right after you earned the reinforcer. So maybe you pay your hubby once every week on Saturday nights.

A variable ratio schedule is what’s used by employers’s when giving out bonuses or special trips for top performers. The reinforcer (sex) is released after an unpredictable amount of responding (working as a provider and being an awesome head of the household). This type of schedule leads to a higher rate of responding (or desired behavior/performance), because you don’t know when exactly you’ll be rewarded so you keep trying hard. A great example of a variable ratio 5 schedule was posted on Psychology.About.com. To summarize you’re hubby may be reinforced with sex after three full days of working and being an awesome hubby/dad, after 5 days, or after 7 days and so on. The delivery of the reinforcer is unpredictable, but it would average out to be every 5 days.

In order to run your marriage and household at maximize capacity, it might be helpful to do a combination here of a fixed interval schedule along with a variable ratio schedule. Hubby gets paid every Saturday night, and also gets surprise sex one other night during the week. Sex the second time of the week is unpredictable when it occurs, some weeks its Monday, some weeks its Wednesday, some weeks its Friday, etc.

Hopefully you get the idea. Keep that hubby motivated work to work like a boss and to be active and present on the home front!

Questions To Ask Before Having Sex

Questions To Ask Before Having Sex

Ladies, your sexual history and your guys sex history are de gran importancia. Below we’ll give you questions to ask before having sex.

STI’s are real! Can you remember back to when you were in 7th grade health class and your health educator shared the STI slideshow? Back then that may have been enough to stop you from engaging in sexual activity, but unfortunately, some where along the way people go against common sense and engage with sexual activity with a partner or many partners without asking some important questions first.

Here will give you a guide of questions to ask:

You might start off by talking about how you care about your partner and because of that you want to be honest with him and you expect him to be honest with you. You also might mention that you feel you’re both mature enough to discuss this topic and you don’t intend to judge him with this information, but rather its to protect each other. It might be awkward at first, but it’s really better in the long run so…

  1. Are you a virgin?
  2. What sexual activity have you engaged in? Sexual intercourse? Oral sex?
  3. Have you come in contact with someone else’s genitals?
  4. How many partners have you had?
  5. Do you know how many partners you’re partners have had?
  6. Do you know if any of your partners had any sexually transmitted diseases?
  7. Are you aware of having any symptoms of sexually transmitted diseases?
  8. Has there ever been a time when you’ve passed out from drinking and suspect you may have engaged in sexual activity? Please watch your alcohol consumption, it’s for your safety!
  9. Did you use a condom every time you engaged in sexual intercourse?
  10. How did you protect yourself from transmission of STIs during oral sex?
  11. How long were you in each relationship before engaging in sexual activity?
  12. What commitment level are you expecting from me before we engage in sexual activity?

This list is not exhaustive, but should help you along with the conversation. We sure hope you put thought into your relationship, feel safe enough to disclose this information with your partner, and consider the consequences if either of you are not completely honest with one another. Hopefully, your partner is being honest, but the only way to know with 100% certainty is by getting medical test results.

Health officials decided to rename sexually transmitted diseases to sexually transmitted infections because many sexually transmitted infections are lifelong, meaning there are no known cure for them. Luckily symptoms can be managed with proper care. Below we’ll share the most common STIs and a link to the Mayo Clinic for additional information. If you haven’t been sexually active with anyone and have remained abstinent then that’s great news! On the other hand, if you’ve had even one sexual partner we would recommend asking for STI testing for yourself and for your future partner.

Now, we’ll provide links for each common STIs.

HPV

Genital Herpes 

Chlamydia

Gonorrhea

HIV/AIDS 

Syphilis

 

How Regular Exercise Can Improve Your Sex Drive

How Regular Exercise Can Improve Your Sex Drive

Improve your sex drive! As you already know regular exercise has many wellness benefits. We’ve known for a long time regular exercise helps us decrease our risks of developing heart disease, diabetes and Alzheimer’s disease. Regular exercise helps us control our weight, improves our mood, boosts our energy, and promotes better sleep.

Improve your sex drive and increase overall wellness. Let’s take some time to review why and how regular exercise can improve your sex drive… 

  1. While you’re exercising your body releases certain chemicals in your brain called endorphins. Endorphins being released in your brain has many benefits, but one is that they can increase a person’s mood by releasing more “feel good” messages to your brain. The release of this “feed good” chemicals combat feelings of depression and anxiety. I don’t know about you, but I’m more likely to want to get frisky when I’m in a good mood 😛
  2. Exercise increases blood flow throughout your body. More blood flowing to your genitals means an increase in arousal response! Get that body moving so your sex organs are extra sensitive and responsive.
  3. There’s a relationship between a man’s bulging waistline that puts him at higher risk of developing Erectile Dysfunction. No physician wants to come out and say this, but I wonder if more doctors were this blunt, how a man might change his diet and exercise habits! Yes, this site is focused on women and their sexual functioning, so let’s use some deductive reasoning here: if you’re a lady with a bulging waistline, then you might also be experiencing some form of “vaginal dysfunction.” It’s your sexual functioning and overall health, what diet and exercise changes could you alter?
  4. Exercise can greatly improve body image. If you’re feeling fit and healthy, then you’re more likely to feel good about your physical attributes. The more attractive you’re feeling, the more likely you are to feel confident naked in front of your spouse. Get moving so your body image improves! As Michelle Obama suggested, 60 minutes of fitness a day will do the trick!

Female Sexuality

I remember a close friend opening up while we were still in college and she asked, “So do you think it’s okay for girls to masturbate?” Being a professed believer, I knew what response I should give, and what I did occasionally in the privacy of my own home to contradict one another. I gave her the Christian response, “Well no. We’re not supposed to lust after those who are not our married spouse.” But later on I wondered if that was really a beneficial answer.

Honestly, I had masturbated occasionally out of curiosity about how my own sex organs worked. What if I had been honest and said, “I think girls are equally as curious as guys are, and at the same time I know I’m suppose to remain pure in my thoughts until I’m married.” And then maybe offered her some comment to normalize what she may had felt when asking that question, “It’s hard to be a 20 something single person. I don’t know if God had intended us to through puberty and add on 10-15 years with no way to release a desire her created our clitoris for.”

Then that interaction really got me thinking, why have Christian circles framed sexuality as a guy’s only issue. Guys are allowed to discuss in their guy circles their struggles with sexual sin, usually only touching on matters of pornography or not remaining abstinent until marriage. It baffles me that women don’t also talk about their struggles around sexuality.

If you really believe that men and women were designed to complement one another, then if one demographic, men, are struggling with sexual sin, than wouldn’t it be obvious that there is another complementary group that is also probably struggling. Each respective group probably struggles in their in own way, but why not open up the dialogue. Maybe this should just look like ladies talking with other ladies about sexual matters. Later on, maybe mature married believers can share what they’ve learned from both sexes and create some solutions.

If you’ve got a bunch of 20 or 30 something single men and women that are struggling with remaining pure and abstinent until they’re married then maybe our solution should be, get married earlier and don’t let yourself burn with passion with no way of releasing that.

Or if you’ve been married awhile and you’re wife is no longer feeling sought after or no longer feels as beautiful as she once did; maybe those feelings lead to her not being as interested in sex. How might this decrease in sex drive impact both the husband and wife relationship negatively? Maybe she wants to have sex but depends on her husband’s pursuit and desire to increase her libido.

Or what if your husband has been making sexual advances over the last month or 6 months or years without his wife showing any interest. What does that do to his self esteem? He wants his wife, but she ignores him and doesn’t understand his need for sexual connection. Out of those feelings, he starts looking at the Victoria Secret website after she goes to bed because he needs to feel like a man in his mind and also the release that masturbation provides. How does this impact the marriage relationship once she finds out?

Who’s the one to blame? Maybe that’s where husbands are responsible to their wives and vice versa, wives are responsible to their husbands. Don’t lust after someone that is not your spouse, and also be responsive to your spouses’ sexual advances and needs. Think of the other person before yourself. “Reframe” the concept of sexuality to not just be a guy’s issue, but an issue that both men and women were created with. Both sexes were made as sexual beings and in order to rightfully use this part of our being, we need our spouses.

Keeping Her Interested: Prepare Her Emotionally!

Keeping Her Interested: Prepare Her Emotionally!

As a wise person once said, ladies are like crockpots, they take longer to heat up. Men are like microwaves, it takes one minute to turn them on. So getting your lady turned on, is probably an eight hour preparation.

Getting your lady ready for some physically intimacy begins with relating to her emotionally during the day.

  1. How do you start heating your wife up first thing in the morning? Do you remind her you love her and give her a hug before either of you head off to work. Do you show her you love her by helping getting the kids ready for school? Do you occasionally leave her a note reminding her why you’re still pursuing her? It can be as simple as a sentence or two.
  2. How do you continue to prepare her emotionally throughout the day? Do you notice once you’ve made it home and are at the dinner table with the kids, she seems a little stressed? Can you ask her about her day and just listen? Do you offer to load the dishes or offer to play with the kids while she cleans up the kitchen, so she’s not thinking about that later? Remind her she’s still attractive to you, a sincere compliment goes a long way.
  3. The kids are in bed finally and you get an hour or two for yourselves as husband and wife? Do you share about your day? Real stressors, joys, funny events of the day, etc? Do you take time to cuddle a bit before assuming sexy time will happen? Do you occasionally offer a foot rub to just because? Have you reminded your spouse that you love her lately? It seems simple, but can get overlooked. What are you doing as her husband to show her you are thinking of her before yourself?
  4. While you’re out and about do you still hold hands? Remember, how proud you were to be seen with her? She needs to be reminded of that, especially when you’ve been married for a long time. When was the last time you planned ahead and scheduled a date night? If you need help with ideas, just google “romantic date ideas for your wife.” This can be low budget at home ideas or a quarterly date night out.

All of these types of things help your wife feel loved and prepared emotionally for lovemaking.  If your wife feels loved by you and feels that you’ve been emotionally intimate as a couple, then that helps her to want to engage in the physical act of lovemaking.

Ladies, when your husband has been doing a good job helping to prepare you emotionally, it might be nice to thank him for being awesome.