Fantasy: imagine the occurrence of, fantasize about.

Fantasy: imagine the occurrence of, fantasize about.

FANTASY: imagine the occurrence of, fantasize about.

So you’ve been home alone for four days this week and hubby has been traveling for three weeks back to back and oops… A man that resembles a half naked Freddie Prinze Jr pops into your mind while the kids are at school and you are folding laundry. Hmm.. what’s he doing in here you wonder.  You haven’t seen him around that space since 9th grade when She’s All That came out. You remember him looking good, but never this good before. He smiles at you and waves. He begins singing to you like Ewan McGregor in Moulin Rouge, and you kind of like it. Your Song.? How does he know that’s one of your favorites? You’re getting a little excited. You’re ovulating, and feeling friskier than ever.

This is so not like you. You’re a moral person. You are happily married to your spouse of X amount of years… but he continues. He leans down and he sweetly kisses you on the forehead. Adorable. Next, he looks you in the eyes, pulls you close to his body, and then slowly lifts you against his. Feeling his strong body against your petite frame has never felt so good. You do notice on the way up that he has an erection, and you likey. A little condensation forms on your granny panties. Had you known he was going to show up you would have put on something a bit sexier, but you stay in the moment.

His hand now on your derriere. Completely doting on you and you on him. You can see it in his eyes and you are loving it. And you completely enthralled by him too. He lays you on your bed and starts undressing you. He takes his time giving you little kisses along your panty line before taking them off completely… Occasionally between inner thigh kisses, he glances up at you with passion in his eyes. He knows the anticipation is driving you nuts. He  moves up toward your face again. What a tease he turns out to be. He begins softly whispering E.E. Cummings erotic poetry into your ear. You’re blushing. A little P & V action happens soon after. 

 What’s With These Fantasies and What Do I Do With These Thoughts?

  • You may acknowledge these thoughts as they are. Yep, those are fantasies. Nonjudgmental stance- it’s just a thought. Imagery and words coming into your head space. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything.
  • Maybe you decide you’re going to redirect that thought a bit and make it a better, a more pure version of the original. Hey, that’s not my hubby in that mental picture/thought. You edit Freddie Prinze Jr out and replace him with your spouse. Yeah, that’s better and more inline with your values and commitment. You do love your spouse, and he is your hottie! Discard, the not your husband, but keep the healthy fantasy part.

Note: You are not a horrible person if the thought of another person has popped into your head a few times over the course of your marriage. It can happen to the best of us, but it probably does matter what you do with those thoughts of another person. Don’t let the thought of the other person linger and take root in your mind. It’s not beneficial to your spouse and marriage. Discipline your mind and actions in order to guard your marriage bed. Evaluate if these thoughts come up more as a result of not being as sexually and emotionally connected to your spouse as you feel you need to be. Maybe even share with a close personal friend that you trust, and ask that they hold you accountable if  you it feel its needed. 

  • Disclose it to your spouse, and be careful in how you share. In confessing, you might say, hey honey bunny, “I’m feeling extra horny today and you’re not here. We’ve had some time apart. I’m in heat currently, and I had a little fantasy pop into my mind today. I’m wishing you were here for that. Yep, can we talk about that for a minute. Okay good, so I know you’re this highly intelligent, very disciplined man. Stellar athlete. You are kind and loving. Very business savvy. You’re a hottie with a body and an amazing father. I adore you. Then you get back to the point of the conversation. Next you say we both know you’re not a musician or a poet. You suggest that maybe the two of you explore that “fantasy world” some time. Those characteristics are kind of sexy and it’s just a small little fantasy. Nothing weird, degrading or demeaning EVER. You ask if he’s willing to be that hot musician or poet for just one night? The song/poetry doesn’t have to be original, he can copy and paste.   
  • Make the fantasy a reality. Listen to what the fantasy is actually about. In the above example, noting the more pure version [only your husband], it’s about a hot body and good looks.  It’s about passion and anticipation again. Slowly taking your time to arouse her. It’s about taking time to notice her love of music and lyrics. You’ve taken note of a couple of her favorite songs.. Sometimes she’s feeling a little bit country, mo town, R&B, or whatever. You can be styled to look the part.  Think an outfit like Brad Paisley or Mat Kearney. Normally you dress in business casual, but tonight’s going to be different. Singing to your wife is almost always going to be very sweet and sexy. She finds the creative process behind lyric writing to be intriguing? The same goes for writing poetic language. Each year you revisit this fantasy with different ideas:  
  1. Think of what mood you’re trying to set and chose an appropriate song to duplicate. You can start by simply putting a record on and singing along with the recording.
  2. Maybe you take some vocal lessons or learn a little piano or guitar. Show off for her sometime.  A little Van Morrison’s Crazy Love.
  3. You have more time to take a songwriting or poetry class, either solo or together. You share some of your creative writing.
  4. On an anniversary, you take her on that trip to Nashville. You get up on stage and with confidence belt out some current country songs. She scoots along on the dance floor admiring you from away. She’s taking in the image of her dream man up on stage. 
  5. Buy the E.E. Cummings Erotic Poetry book . It’s only 8.99 on Amazon. We haven’t read the entire thing, just parts. Dedicate time to memorizing parts of it and recite it.