In today’s post, let’s tackle a question that many married men wonder: “How do you get your wife in the mood?” She is either uninterested in sex, bored with sex, too stressed to have sex, or too busy and tired to have sex. Or, all too often, you and your wife have fallen into a rut in your marriage so sex is just becoming more and more rare. You’re still interested, but she seems to be off in her own separate world or doesn’t want to put forth the energy to have sex. So how do you increase the female libido after it’s been on the decline for so long?
Step 1 to increase the female libido: make your wife feel attractive.
This step is going to take the most effort. It is also going to take some humility, focus, and just genuine thought on your part as a husband. The thing about increasing the female libido is that there is no simple fix. It takes time. There is no magic bullet.
In our post called Keeping Her Interested: It’s all in Her Head, we discussed the differences between the way that men and women think about sex. Here, let’s take it a step further. Beyond being relaxed and having some relief from the stress of daily life, the most important thing that a husband can do for his wife’s sex drive is to make her feel attractive. But how?
Be attracted to her
… get this… just be attracted to her. Genuinely. Why? Because, out of the heart the mouth speaks. I’ll save this topic for a post another day, but one key piece here is to only find sexual satisfaction from your wife. No looking at magazines with half-naked ladies inside, no checking out the girl in the office repeatedly… just save all of that for your wife. You’ll be surprised at how the sex appeal of your wife starts to multiply when she’s the only well you’re drinking from.
Be over the top with telling her how attractive she is
Make her blush with your praise. Tell her specific things about how gorgeous she is. Be genuine and tell her something like, “Baby, your [fill in the blank] is looking so good today! Mmm!!” But it starts with genuinely being attracted to her. Then you won’t be able to stop telling her that she’s beautiful and you’ll have to put a filter on it because you’re in public!
Frequently, if she’s not opposed to it, let your hands be all over her all day, complementing the verbal praise. Couples who touch frequently naturally feel closer. Touch is also just another good method of communication, so your wife won’t just hear what you’re saying, she’ll feel it also.
Buy her clothes
Gifts are another form of communication and display of love. Getting her an attractive article of clothing – maybe not even lingerie or underwear, but maybe a top that shows off her cleavage – is also a great way to show her you’re attracted to her. Make sure it’s something she’ll actually wear and it’s the right size.
Exercise with her
Exercise naturally helps us to feel attractive, and doing it together is a great way to bond. Make sure it’s a positive experience and you both feel accomplished. When she does something – treadmill, weights, Zumba, whatever – make sure you tell her that she’s doing awesome and you find it attractive that she’s working hard.
Step 2 to increase the female libido: Set the mood ALL DAY LONG
Now that your wife feels attractive, the next step to increasing her libido is to feed her mind with good sexual thoughts all day. You guys can just turn it on at the flip of a switch, but your wife likely takes a lot longer to warm up. Anticipation is the name of the game here! Now, think to yourself about what turns your wife on in a good way. Does she like knowing there’s a sexy gift waiting for her or that you have a new position in mind? Does she love massages and want to take time to enjoy the build up?
Bring awesome sex Back to the Future!
Here’s a great idea – earlier in the day, reflect out loud with her on a time where the sex was really really good… maybe you were on vacation and did something amazing. Conjuring that mental image for her will get her mind thinking about that scenario for a while. Just make sure your kids aren’t around so you don’t totally gross them out 🙂
Make sure she knows you have plenty of time
There’s little anticipation of a 10 minute sex quickie. Make sure she knows that the kids are off at their friends places and you won’t be interrupted for your hour-long session of sexual pleasure 🙂 To increase the female libido takes time and patience, but it’s well worth it!
Sink full of dirty dishes on the mind? Giant pile of laundry to fold? Completely exhausted from chasing the kids around? These are things that will get in your wife’s way in her mind… remove these blockers and make sure she has no worries…
Step 3 to increase the female libido: Make her the priority
When your wife feels attractive and she’s anticipating awesome sex, you can’t go wrong, right? Wrong. Don’t just dive right in and orgasm within the first 5 minutes and ask her how wonderful she thought it was. You’ll ruin the buildup. You want a sexual excursion that you can reflect on again with her in the future to turn her on again… here are some pointers:
Set the atmosphere
Okay guys. Here’s the good sexual atmosphere checklist:
- Room smells nice – nicely scented candles (see the link below for our FAVORITE)
- Comfortable setup – bed is nicely made, lots of pillows, etc.
- Clean – no clutter!!! If your nightstand has a half-eaten banana on it, your wife is not going to get it on with you… Please clean the room!!!
- Good music! Set the playlist… sexy-romantic at the beginning… think 5 – 6 songs from Robin Thicke… then transitioning into some more explicit music for the main event… think Beyonce’s Dance for You
Help her relax – give her a massage
Please, do yourself a favor and get a good massage setup. It will pay dividends, trust me! No more dry massage and no more passing off lotion as massage oil. It’s not the same thing. See the link below for some different coconut oil options and read our upcoming blog entry on 6 Reasons Why Coconut Oil is the Best Sex Massage Oil! Really, this is the best thing you will discover and it will open whole new roads to your sex life.
So there you have it! Three easy steps with a ton of suggestions to increase your wife’s sex libido… What do you think? Do you have any more libido increasing suggestions?