So you believe in Jesus. Awesome. You don’t look at pornography or skeezy sites on the internet. Cool. You have sexual needs. What???
Yes, you’re still human when you’re a Christian, and those sexual desires don’t change when you put your faith in Jesus. So then the question comes up: what is okay and what is not okay for Christians to do sexually? Can Christians use a vibrator? What about a clitoral vibrator versus a g-spot vibrator? There’s a whole spectrum of sexual things you can do outside of normal intercourse. But what is okay to do without committing a sin?
In this multi-part post, we won’t be able to analyze the full spectrum of sexual topics, but we will examine what we think are the top questions on the minds of Christians:
- Are there “Christian sex toys”? What about clitoral vs. g-spot vibrators?
- Is it okay to masturbate? Alone or with my spouse?
- What about oral sex?
Part 1: Are There “Christian Sex Toys?”
Just the phrase “Christian Sex Toy” seems kind of like an oxymoron. Aren’t Christians supposed to be semi-nuns who only have sex in the missionary position? Anything else would be perverse and sinful, right?
How far is too far? Let’s start from the beginning and lay down a quick foundation before we can dissect this question on Christian sex toys.
1. Sex is intended to be between a married man and woman.
That hasn’t changed between generations and it never will. There are many scripture references, but I’ll just give a few:
- Talking about avoiding the adulterous woman, the writer of Proverbs says, “Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well.” (Proverbs 5:15)
- “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Matthew 19:4-6)
2. Sex is good.
Sex is too often hidden away and not talked about in Christian circles. If Christians are not talking about sex – in a positive way – then who is?? Anyway, for anyone doubting that the Bible says sex is good:
- Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love. (Proverbs 5:18-19)
- Let my beloved come to his garden, and eat its choicest fruits. (Song of Solomon 4:16b)
- I say I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its fruit. Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the scent of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine. It goes down smoothly for my beloved, gliding over lips and teeth. I am my beloved’s, and his desire is for me. (Song of Solomon 7:8-10)
I could keep going with the references to why sex is good.
3. The main thing that Jesus changed was to change our mindset from Law to Love. From Religion to Relationship.
Now, this was always the case as being the most important thing. Relationship isn’t just a “New Testament Thing.” Don’t believe me?
- The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)
- You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise. (Psalm 51:16-17)
- Even if you have been banished to the most distant land under the heavens, from there the Lord your God will gather you and bring you back. …….. The Lord your God will circumcise your hearts and the hearts of your descendants, so that you may love him with all your heart and with all your soul, and live. (Deuteronomy 30:4, 6)
So it is okay for Christians to use sex toys?
Okay, now that we have those bases covered, lets tackle our question of whether or not sex toys are okay for Christians to use. Here is where we start to get into our opinion, and not trying to prove anything beyond those items that we talked about above.
In our opinion, sex toys are okay for Christians to use as long as they’re used within these boundaries:
- Sex toys are used within the context of marriage. Also, husband and wife are both okay with using them.
- Sex toys are not used as a replacement and are intended to serve a temporary function. Sex is not to be withheld in marriage – husbands and wives are supposed to come together regularly, and there are references for this as well. Do not buy a g spot vibrator and use that in replacement of your husband. Also, men, do not look at porn in replacement for your wife.
- Sex toys should be brought into your sexual relationship when they are beneficial to the relationship. Some stodgy people may say that a sex toy will never be beneficial in your sexual relationship. However, there are many cases where it can bring you closer together:
- If your wife had a c-section within the last year, she will likely need additional stimulation beyond your penis and fingers to orgasm because cutting through nerves caused a decrease in sensitivity and possible numbing sensation for several months. Please, get a clitoral vibrator.
- You may have been having sex in the same way for the last several months (or years)! Shop for a sex toy together and find one you’re both interested in. Who wants to eat spaghetti for dinner every single night, even if it’s wonderful? Spice it up and try something new once every once in a while. Song of Solomon doesn’t express sexual desire in the variety of ways that it does for sex to become boring.
- Your husband is experiencing erectile dysfunction but he still wants his wife to experience sexual satisfaction while they are coming together regularly for sexual intimacy.
- Maybe you’re a woman who experiences “performance related anxiety.” You feel pressure to say you’ve orgasmed but never really have and don’t know how to because you’ve never masturbated. This might help you and your husband discover how to.
- You and your husband are okay with the idea of breast augmentations, you’re both also supporters of a vibrator. Penises also come in different sizes.
Now, some people may say that sex toys are examples of “sexual immorality” that is talked about in the bible often. I think that this is those people’s opinion, and just not what they’re used to. Just because you’re not used to it doesn’t mean it’s wrong – it’s just different.
So yes, we believe there are “sex toys” that can be beneficial, and we’re not going to divide them up into which toys are right and which are wrong. As long as they fall into the 3 boundaries above, we think you’re okay in God’s eyes.