Subliminal Messages Around Sex

Subliminal Messages Around Sex

A person’s mind is much like a glacier, only a small portion is above the water, and is visible to us. Like a glacier, a huge chunk is below the surface and we’re completely unaware of it. This is what those in the psychology field would call the “subconscious mind”, which influences the rest of our mind and experiences without even realizing how it plays a role in our thinking.  So let’s explore how subliminal messages around sex can become ingrained throughout development and impact your love life.

Sex Education starts incredibly early. Think about the infant that’s held and lovingly cared for, that’s their first understanding of love and intimacy. The infant crying and you as the parent, responding, that’s their first attempt at communicating their needs (and hopefully getting their needs met).

Has your toddler ever walked in on you while you’re getting dressed in the morning? How you respond sends a message about whether it’s good or bad to be naked (or mostly nude), and how comfortable you are in your own skin. What words does your toddler hear coming from your mouth about your own body… are you kind and loving or are you critical and harsh? Do you appreciate your strong and healthy body or do you just comment on the superficial?

You find out your adolescent is viewing “dirty” images online. You realize he’s started masturbating. Do you teach him this is “normal” and age appropriate exploration and desire, or do you shame and embarrass him?  Do you set expectations around masturbation being okay, but sex “should” be saved for marriage? What values do you want to instill and what limits do you want to set on what he’s able to view? Do you explain that any images he views will be with him and how that might impact his future love life and marriage one day?

Do you address masturbation with your teenage daughter and have similar conversations or is it a taboo topic because she’s a girl? What message might that send her about being a sexual being?  Do you teach your child about contraception options should they decide to have sexual relations? Do you teach them about the risks of sexually transmitted infections?

Do you talk with your children about how expressing affection can be a normal part of a healthy and loving relationship?

These early parent-child interactions set the foundation for how your children think and feel about sexual matters. Are these conversation you’re comfortable having? If not, why not? As the parent, one of your many jobs is to be an educator, providing accurate information to your child. You’re hopefully creating a space that your children feel safe going to when they want more information or clarification on a topic. You know they’ll likely be discussing these topics with their peers too, but good grief, you want to be the one instilling your values into them, and to know that they’re receiving accurate information!

It’s important to know all direct and indirect messages you’re sending to your children about their bodies (and other peoples’ bodies), and sexuality will likely have an impact (at least in some ways) on their sex lives later on. Please help them develop a healthy and age appropriate understanding of their bodies and sexuality topics.

Think about your own upbringing for a minute… Did you grow up in a home where sex was a taboo topic? No one talked about it, ever! What message did that send you? Did you grew up in the home where you were taught that sex was “dirty” or the only reason to have sex was for procreation purposes. Did you hear your parents label girls who had sex as “whores” or “sluts” (already sending a message that women are not sexual beings, who should seek out and enjoy sexual pleasure in the right context). These types of direct or indirect messages really do become ingrained over time! How are some of the messages you were sent as a child, teenager or even young adult impacting you now? Do you need to “reframe” some of your thinking around your own body, and on sexuality to lead to a healthier you ?

It might be worth speaking with a licensed professional to learn about healthy sexual development and address any areas from your childhood, adolescence or young adult years that are impacting the love life you want to have.

Sex: How Often Is Normal?

Sex: How Often Is Normal?


When one partner starts wondering how often other couples are having sex, really the underlying concern is probably about having a higher or lower sex drive than their partner. There is no perfect answer or “normal” here. Rather, it’s about talking with your spouse about what each other’s needs are, and how you can both work towards meeting those needs in a way you’re both comfortable and satisfied with.

But let’s talk about averages anyway…

According to Newsweek- Married couples say they have sex 68.5 times a year. That’s slightly more than once a week.

15-20 percent of couples have sex no more than 10 times per year, which experts define as a sexless marriage.-Newsweek. 

Here are some more stats that are somewhat conflicting… 

According to Psychology Today:

-12% had no sex in the last year.

-21% have sex several times a year.

-34% have sex once or twice a month.

-26% have sex once or twice a week. 

-7% have sex 4 or 5 times per week. (This group must be the newlyweds 🙂

At the heart of the matter, you as a couple need to discuss what your needs are and what you can realistically work toward in meeting those needs.

Remember, regular intimacy, whether that be sexual intercourse, oral sex, mutual masturbation, cuddling and caressing, is all part of a healthy and loving relationship. Sexual satisfaction and relationship satisfaction both have many health benefits. And from a simply physiological perspective, you’ve got to use your muscles to keep them toned and strong, the same goes for those sex organs 🙂

Bachelorette Party Advice

Bachelorette Party Advice

Have you ever been asked to share some advice at a bachelorette party before? Well, we certainly have!

Here’s some practical and comical advice for the newlyweds.

  1. Love on your husband by sexing him up on the regular. A good lover thinks of her partner before herself.
  2. Invest and nurture all aspects of your marriage. The emotional, intellectual, physical, spiritual. Intimacy with your hubby in all areas leads to mind-blowing sexy time and spousal connection!
  3. Be creative in the bedroom. No one likes to eat spaghetti for dinner every night. It gets old! Switch up the sexual script with different positions and ideas.
  4. Good communication is key to good love making and love receiving. Be sensitive in providing feedback about what you enjoy, and remember, stroke his ego, not just his weiner 🙂 Be open to receiving feedback too.
  5. Protect and guard  your marital boundaries. Keep your emotional fulfillment and sexual energy stored up for hubby and him alone. If you guard your eyes and heart, he’ll always remain the sexiest man to you.
  6. Don’t go to bed angry and/or deprive each other sexually as punishment. Talk things out before bed, have make-up sex and then you’ll both sleep much better that night 🙂
  7. It’s okay to laugh together between the sheets. There will be awkward moments.
  8. If sex/physical intimacy is important to you now as newlyweds, then it’ll still be an important part of marriage 10, 20, 30 and 40 years down the road. Keep the love life alive!

Next, we’ll be posting a bachelorette party gift idea section so be sure to look for it!

Astroglide Lubricant Review

Astroglide Lubricant Review

Astroglide is one of the lubricants that is recommended by the Mayo Clinic so we gave it a try.


It comes in a water soluble version and doesn’t contain glycerin and is petroleum-free. It mimics natural body fluids, which helps moisturize vaginal dryness, improving sexual satisfaction.

Who It Might Be For: 

Women who are breastfeeding, going through or after menopause, or continued aging. Other people who may use it after estrogen levels have fallen: those who have gone though chemotherapy, radiation therapy, and hormone therapy, have had your ovaries surgically removed, you’re a cigarette smoker, and those with immune disorders.

What We Liked About It: 

Just a small amount is needed before the penis is inserted. It really does mimic your body’s natural lubricant and did not cause irritation. Overall, sex was more enjoyable with the help of this product.

NOTE: Tried while breastfeeding.

Where To Get It: 

You can buy it online at Amazon. Here’s the link:

Astroglide on Amazon

How to Keep Her Interested in Sex: It’s In Her Heart

How to Keep Her Interested in Sex: It’s In Her Heart

Quick tips on how to keep her interested in sex – from a woman’s perspective.

Today’s tip: A good portion of a woman’s sexual interest depends on how she is relating to and connecting with her partner on an emotional level. In order to FEEL like making love, your lady has to know she is loved by you. You can let her know by your words and actions toward her.

PRACTICAL TIPS on Keeping Her Interested Sexually:

  1. Remind her on a daily basis that you love her. It seems simple, but when chaos ensues, the big things in life tend to get placed on the back burner. Make your affections known.
  2. Remind her why you’re still pursuing her. What attributes does she possess that still captivate you about her.
  3. Compliment her in front of others-both other men and women. It reinforces to others and to her that you still think she’s the best! You couldn’t have found any other partner like her in a million years, she surpasses them all.
  4. Reminisce! Help her remember all the good times you’ve shared as a couple. How you’ve each grown individually, as a couple and as a family unit. Even when times were hard, your love and commitment to one another endured.
  5. Love your children. Your children are such a strong bond between the two of you. Seeing you take on the role and responsibility of being an amazing father is really sexy.
  6. Keep dating her and setting aside time to have fun together. Be a good companion!
  7. Check in with her emotions. Simply checking in every now and then, taking notice of her emotional health will speak volumes in the letting her know she’s loved department. Even when she is feeling down and you can’t fix whatever is upsetting her, lending an [actively] listening ear will show her you love her.
  8. Hold hands often! Kiss her goodnight every night.


Vaginal Dryness: Getting Turned On

Vaginal Dryness: Getting Turned On

Have you ever asked yourself this question, “What turns you on?” Maybe your partner has asked you the same question? Knowing the answer is really important in order to become aroused sexually and produce adequate, vaginal lubrication.

A not so surprising number of women report never having experienced an orgasm or during most sexual interactions never reaching a climax every time. How sad 🙁 Life is too short!

One of the greatest gifts we’ve ever been given- the opportunity to experience sexual satisfaction in a loving relationship. Maybe you want that for yourself and for your relationship, but are unsure of where to start.

It’s worth taking the time to explore what touch feels good to you, what thoughts are going through your head, what are you seeing visually, what are you hearing, and how are you feeling toward yourself and toward your partner when you become sexually aroused?

Maybe you feel a little embarrassed if you don’t know the answer to those questions. Don’t be! Simply take the time to discover this for yourself.

It’s recommended that you masturbate on your own, in private first. You can either use your hands or a sex toy to help explore what feels good. At first you may feel silly, but brush those feelings aside and discover! It’s just you in the room anyway!

Maybe later on you can show and gently coach your partner on what spots and touches help you climax. Good sex is all about vulnerability anyway, so you should be able to share in safe and loving relationship.

TIP: He may even find it sexy to watch you pleasure yourself 😉 Remember, guys are visually aroused!

Vaginal Dryness: When and Why It Happens

Vaginal Dryness: When and Why It Happens

Vaginal dryness is a common occurrence that many women face at some point in their lifetime.

It’s not uncommon for women to experience vaginal dryness while breastfeeding, as they go through menapause, and as they continue to age.

The main cause culprit behind vaginal dryness is hormonal changes! Your partner can relax a bit, it’s not necessarily that he is doing anything wrong! Reassure him and let him know the facts.

Women’s bodies naturally experience a shift in hormones, in particular, a decrease in the female hormone, estrogen. As our bodies decrease in the production of estrogen, our natural lubrication production is negatively affected, resulting in vaginal dryness. 

The good news is that through science we now have available to us a synthetic lubricant that can easily be applied to either his penis or your vaginal opening to help us ladies stay interested and satisfied sexually.

If you feel more comfortable searching and purchasing a lubricant online, please go to our product review section for recommendations.

For additional information and reading regarding this topic, please visit the Mayo Clinic website at

Sex After Childbirth: Part 2 (easing back into the saddle)

Sex After Childbirth: Part 2 (easing back into the saddle)

So your husband may be feeling a little horny in the time between when the baby was born and your six week follow-up. Maybe you’re feeling a little more rested, building up confidence in this motherhood arena , and are feeling like you can add something else to your plate.

Your hubby is reminding you that your boobs are enormous now that your milk is in, and hearing that probably is a good self-esteem booster, especially when you’re highly aware of the fact that the rest of your body doesn’t look as it did before the baby [Focus on the positive though and be gracious to yourselves, ladies :0]. He maybe mentions a quickie and you remind him, “Um no, remember what the doctor said?” So you go back and forth on what the doctor meant when she said no sex until the follow-up. You finally come up with a solution you’re both comfortable with- MUTUAL MASTURBATION, but nothing is going near your vaginal opening.

So you’ve both already realized that you’ve only got about 10-15 minutes before you’re going to be interrupted so you get to business.

The weeks go by and you get the okay from your doctor that sex is okay again. If you’ve gone to a good OB/GYN, then she informs you that you’re probably going to experience some vaginal dryness, which is normal during breastfeeding, due to a decrease in estrogen levels. She’ll give you the options and say how you should use an additional form of protection (for example: condoms, combo pill, etc) even though in theory, breastfeeding is nature’s way of saying your body isn’t ready for another baby quite yet, you still have a chance in becoming pregnant without a form of contraception.

Now you know what to expect a little bit, which makes you feel normal and gives you confidence once you’ve got the secondary protection in place.

Your hubby puts on a condom and reaches for that bottle of lubricant you got for your bachelorette party years earlier. Oops! It’s expired… Now you have to postpone this excitement until you can go to CVS or buy some lube online and overnight to your house the next day. 

And then you wonder as you’re searching for lubricant, which are the best? Maybe you should have asked your OB/GYN what the office uses?.

Attempt two: your hubby puts on a condom and you add a little lubricant. A quickie follows suit! It’s not the building up with foreplay and easing into intercourse you’re used to, but what time allows you, a quickie. With the help of little lubricant and maybe even assistance from a clitoral vibrator, to ensure a climax with the limited time you both have now. Moments later… SUCCESS!

Note: Here’s where you can buy lubricant online


Keeping Her Interested: It’s All In Her Head!

Keeping Her Interested: It’s All In Her Head!

Quick tips on how to keep a woman sexually interested – from a woman’s perspective.

Today’s tip: A large portion of female sexuality starts in her head with how she thinks and feels about herself. If she’s got body image issues, if she’s tired from caring for children or is stressed from working all day and then managing a house on top of that, chances are she’s going to have some other things taking center stage in her mind.

PRACTICAL TIPS on Keeping Her Interested:

  1. Help her work through body image issues. Make sure she knows she is the only object of your affection and sexual desire. Remind her very specifically of what you love about her face and body. If she vocalizes to you her insecure areas, take some time on those areas caressing and smooching her in those spots. This is especially important after the birth of each child or as your woman ages. In her mind, she probably feels unattractive or maybe even past her prime. Your job is to make her feel as though she is in her prime. And not just on days when you’re feeling horny.
  2.  Encourage her to discover what she is wearing when she is feeling her most attractive. Maybe even SURPRISE with a little shopping spree so she can buy items that make her feel sexy. This doesn’t always translate lingerie. It could be a pretty scoop neck blouse that allows for “classy cleavage” or a nice pair of heels to wear so she can showcase her defined calf muscles.
  3. Wearing “mom clothes” all day probably doesn’t help her feel like this sex goddess you’re hoping to interact with that night, so make time for her to switch hats, and to put on her sex goddess clothes.
  4. Schedule regular date nights, whether that’s by calling on a babysitter or scheduling it after kiddo bedtime. Women love it when you plan a head and put thought into date nights. Also give her 10-20 minutes to freshen up and put on an outfit that makes her FEEL sexy again. Make sure not every date night, you’re expecting to get laid. No strings attached is nice every once and a while. Let us know you want to stay connected emotionally and mentally those evenings too, not just keeping it on the physical level.
  5. Ask your wife what needs to be done once or twice a week to lessen her stress and so she can catch up on sleep. This is CRUCIAL to female orgasm. Women need to feel well rested so that they can achieve an orgasm. If she is going to make the time to for sex, then she probably wants to be taken “to paradise” like the Bruno Mars song. If she doesn’t get to the climax and over the edge, then that’s not really reinforcing, and she may not want to continue setting aside the time. Ladies, don’t fake it! It’s not helpful for either party.
  6. Ladies also need some help with distraction before and during sex. If the bedroom has poopy diapers and dirty laundry scattered every where then that is probably going to remind her of all the things that still need to be done. MOOD KILLER! Make your bedroom this beautiful retreat where she wants to spend time with you in between the sheets. Keep the room tidy, decorated nicely and smelling good. Maybe even go the extra mile and set the mood with candles with the lights dimmed low. Think back to your wedding night, ambiance is still important in pursuing her.
  7. If your lady is into music and it helps her keep her mind on sex, then create some playlists and have them playing softly in the background. Try to get a sense for her sexy time mood. Some nights she may want to reminsce and listen to Alan Jackson’s “Remember When” while taking it slow. Some nights she may want sex to help her sleep well that night so something more explicit like Robin Thicke’s Pandora playlist would be a good match to get the job done. Other nights or weekend getaway retreats where she can focus on being her lover the entire weekend, she might be up for something more fun like the “I’ll Make Love to You” by Boy II Men. GET IN TUNE WITH HER MOOD and match it. If you can’t figure it out from her body language or from what she’s been talking about that evening, just ask her.


Female Anatomy: Knowing Your Body

Female anatomy - knowing your body


Below is a link that shows a drawn illustration of the female vulva (aka your external lady parts). The link is from the Mayo Clinic website.

If you’ve got questions about your vulva, you’re probably not the only one. What does normal looks like down there? Where’s your clitoris? Take a mirror with you into the bathroom and get familiar with your lady parts.  It’s important to know the female anatomy.

Don’t worry ladies: not all vulva look identical! You may have a darker pink or even brown colored labia majora and labia minora. Your labia minora may protrude past your labia majora and that’s perfectly normal too. Like a lot of things in life, there’s variation, and remember your body is uniquely made 🙂

If you have any questions, please consult with your doctor.