Lelo Lily 2 Review – Clitoral Vibrator

Lelo Lily 2 Review – Clitoral Vibrator

Description of the Lily 2: 

The primary purpose of this gadget is to stimulate the clitoris while engaging in solo play or while your spouse’s penis is inserted inside your vagina. It’s a great addition to regular intercourse and only adds to the pleasurable sensations your lady is able to achieve during lovemaking. There are 8 different vibration patterns to explore, and it even comes in a waterproofed material in case you want to test it out in water. Currently, there are three colors to chose from to fit your liking.

Who the Lily 2 Might Be For: 

This attractive and easy to use gadget will be a worthwhile investment to keep your flames of love burning. You may not have as much time as you’d both like for foreplay or you just don’t have the energy for a long love making session, but the desire to stay connected physically is still there. The Lelo Lily 2 is a perfect solution! For tired couples who still value a healthy and fun sex life, but are simply exhausted at the end of the day from having an infant in the home, from fatigue that comes from getting a bit older, or some who need a “release” while her spouse travels weeks or months at a time, please try this product. It will not disappoint!

What We Liked About It: 

The Lelo Lily 2 has really allowed us to maintain regular physical intimacy during a stage of life that is so demanding of our energy and time. The clitoral vibrator helped us when we didn’t have time for foreplay, which is pretty essential for myself as a woman, in building up to achieve an orgasm. This product allowed me to experience the amazing stimulation provided by my husband’s penis against my g-spot while simultaneously having my clitoris stimulated. What an amazing addition to our sex life! One day we hope to get back to the more intimate and personal oral foreplay, but for now this is really helpful 🙂

Where To Get It: 

You can buy it online at Lelo. Here’s the link:

LELO Lily 2 Personal Massager

 

Keeping Her Interested: Prepare Her Emotionally!

Keeping Her Interested: Prepare Her Emotionally!

As a wise person once said, ladies are like crockpots, they take longer to heat up. Men are like microwaves, it takes one minute to turn them on. So getting your lady turned on, is probably an eight hour preparation.

Getting your lady ready for some physically intimacy begins with relating to her emotionally during the day.

  1. How do you start heating your wife up first thing in the morning? Do you remind her you love her and give her a hug before either of you head off to work. Do you show her you love her by helping getting the kids ready for school? Do you occasionally leave her a note reminding her why you’re still pursuing her? It can be as simple as a sentence or two.
  2. How do you continue to prepare her emotionally throughout the day? Do you notice once you’ve made it home and are at the dinner table with the kids, she seems a little stressed? Can you ask her about her day and just listen? Do you offer to load the dishes or offer to play with the kids while she cleans up the kitchen, so she’s not thinking about that later? Remind her she’s still attractive to you, a sincere compliment goes a long way.
  3. The kids are in bed finally and you get an hour or two for yourselves as husband and wife? Do you share about your day? Real stressors, joys, funny events of the day, etc? Do you take time to cuddle a bit before assuming sexy time will happen? Do you occasionally offer a foot rub to just because? Have you reminded your spouse that you love her lately? It seems simple, but can get overlooked. What are you doing as her husband to show her you are thinking of her before yourself?
  4. While you’re out and about do you still hold hands? Remember, how proud you were to be seen with her? She needs to be reminded of that, especially when you’ve been married for a long time. When was the last time you planned ahead and scheduled a date night? If you need help with ideas, just google “romantic date ideas for your wife.” This can be low budget at home ideas or a quarterly date night out.

All of these types of things help your wife feel loved and prepared emotionally for lovemaking.  If your wife feels loved by you and feels that you’ve been emotionally intimate as a couple, then that helps her to want to engage in the physical act of lovemaking.

Ladies, when your husband has been doing a good job helping to prepare you emotionally, it might be nice to thank him for being awesome.

“Help! My Husband Can Be Insensitive, But I Don’t Think He Means To Be.”

“Help! My Husband Can Be Insensitive, But I Don’t Think He Means To Be.”

Girl, I know what you mean when you say your husband can be insensitive at times. This is not an uncommon complaint I hear from wives from time to time.

Please let me give you an example of an insensitive comment and how one wife responded.

Husband soon after he and his wife were first married, and we’re having fun exploring each other until he said this:

Husband: “Your nipples are much larger than I had anticipated…”

Wife: In her head thinks, “How am I suppose to take that?” and then verbalizes to her husband, “Okay, I feel like the mood is ruined now.”

Husband: “What did I just do?”

Wife: “You said there was something wrong with my nipples.”

Husband: “No, I didn’t.”

Wife: “Yes, you did. You said my nipples were bigger than you had anticipated, which to me, implies there’s something wrong with them and me!”

Husband: “That’s not saying there’s anything wrong with them or you!”

Wife: “That’s how I took it. That comment hurt my feelings and made me feel a little insecure.” (Wife being awesome gives her new husband the benefit of doubt, and allows him to remove the foot from his mouth). “So what did you mean then?”

Husband: “I’m sorry that hurt your feelings. That’s not what I meant. I love your nipples, breasts and you!”

This is what we would call a BIG miscommunication between the sexes. What one spouse meant to communicate didn’t translate to other person in the way it was intended. This example could have led to unintentional hurt feelings, and a bit of strife in the relationship; but thanks to some assertive communication, and giving her spouse the benefit of doubt, it didn’t.

The Mayo Clinic gives a great definition of what assertive communication is. Assertive communication is “when you express yourself effectively and stand up for your point of view, while also respecting the points of view and beliefs of others.”  Assertive communication is always direct AND always respectful. It’s not just what you say, but also the tone in how you say it. 

So in the above illustration of the husband making an insensitive comment, the wife used assertive communication to share how his comment made her feel. She didn’t call him a name or lash out at him out of hurt feelings, but instead she labeled how that comment made her feel. She communicated to her husband how she had interpreted his comment, and then followed up with a question clarify what he meant and what the intent was behind his comment.

In summary, it wouldn’t hurt to practice using this form of communication with anyone who may be insensitive at times. Here are some examples of additional questions you can ask using “I-statements” or “labeling the behavior”, that will help with clarification.

  1. I felt _____ when you made this comment _____.
  2. I took what you had said this way, is that how you had intended it?
  3. I felt that behavior was _____, and it made me feel ____. Can you help me understand better what you were trying to say?

Also, it wouldn’t hurt to try giving your spouse (or other people) the benefit of doubt more often. Most people don’t intend to be jerks, and most people have had times were they haven’t communicated an idea or comment with eloquence. Remember, ask for a clarifying response when necessary.


IUD Over Birth Control Pills? Why It’s a Better Option

IUD Over Birth Control Pills? Why It’s a Better Option

According to an article posted in NPR, the use of IUD’s have increased over the past decade, compared to the use of birth control. Here we’ll summarize why they work in order to help with your understanding of the options you have in family planning and contraceptives.

11.6% of women are using either implanted contraceptive or an intrauterine device today– NPR

How IUD’s or Implanted Contraceptives Work: 

  1. There are two forms. One is made with copper and the other form is made solely from plastic and releases progestin.
  2. The implanted contraceptive is made from plastic and works by releasing progestin. There is a little device implanted into the women’s skin, usually in her arm, which releases the progestin through a small little tube. The same inserted implant can be used for up to three years.
  3.  The copper option is implanted into a women’s uterus and releases copper, instead of hormones! This option is greater than 99% effective in preventing pregnancy. The copper IUD can stay implanted in your uterus for 3 to 12 years, preventing pregnancy that entire time.
  4. Both options are reversible and can be stopped at any time.

Why We’re Seeing An Increase: 

  1. Women are busier today and more on the go than they used to be. This is a great option for keeping a packed schedule without needing to remember to take the pill, every day at about the same time of day, each day.
  2. More healthcare physicians are being trained on how to insert and implant these devices. They’re also better equipped to share information on both forms’ effectiveness in preventing pregnancy.
  3. Both forms are required to be covered by health insurance plans. Check your plan to see if having one of these options, either inserted or implanted, is considered a preventive service, in which case it may be completely free if it’s done by an in-network provider

Ladies, please take this information to your healthcare provider. I definitely will as well. We’ve got two amazing kids and we think we’ll complete our family with a puppy in a year or two. Personally, I like the sound of the copper IUD compared to using a hormone releasing birth control pill or the more expensive use of condoms for our family planning purposes..

Music Musing: Look Good For Ya

Music Musing: Look Good For Ya

“Cause I just wanna look good for you, good for you, uh-huh
I just wanna look good for you, good for you, uh-huh
Let me show you how proud I am to be yours
Leave this dress a mess on the floor
And still look good for you, good for you,

Uh-huh, uh-huh, ah…
Uh-huh, uh-huh, ah, mhm…

Trust me, I can take you there
Trust me, I can take you there
Trust me, I, trust me, I, trust me, I…”

So what can we take away from Selena Gomez’s lyrics?

  1. The girl in this song is confident! She knows she looks good, even fully naked, she is confident in her ability to take her man there!
  2. She desires to look good for her man. Ladies, is this an area you could improve upon? Maybe you don’t feel good about yourself in the physical attractiveness department. How can you improve this while building up your confidence? How can you show pride in your appearance for yourself and for your hubby?
  3. Swag or swagger: the way the girl in this song presents herself, she’s definitely got some badass swagger. She’s got an attitude or an aurora about her that exudes sex appeal, not because she’s dressed in the sexiest clothes, but its her confidence in herself and in her ability. Maybe you need to practice some of that with positive self-talk. Remind yourself of the ways your body is looking good, start appreciating the hot features you’ve been given. Maybe that’s nice long legs, maybe that’s a great rack, beautiful teeth, a gorgeous smile or a J. Lo booty. Trust that you’re hot, and know your husband is always wanting to get you naked.

Go ahead and download or YouTube the Selena Gomez song, “Good For You.” Reflect on it and practice swagger!

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

“All I’m askin’ (ooh)
Is for a little respect when you come home (just a little bit)
Baby (just a little bit), when you get home (just a little bit)
Yeah (just a little bit)” -Respect by Aretha Franklin

Respect as Google defines it means, “a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.”

A lot marriages would probably be saved if individuals let go of past hurts and/or the story they’ve created about their spouse being this “horrible” person, and instead started looking at their spouse through the R-E-S-P-E-C-T lens. Respect was a crucial building block in your marital foundation, after all.

Sometimes when you’ve been married to someone for a long time you can tally up all of their flaws and wrongdoings, and completely ignore or forget to notice all of the things they’ve been doing right. You can also forget why you fell in love with and respected this person to begin with. Please take some time to walk down memory lane… You committed to love this person through all sorts of seasons and trusted that they, too, would love you through all sorts of seasons. That type of commitment hopefully meant you really trusted that person, and that you deeply respected and esteemed them, if you felt them to be capable of fulfilling such a lofty role. The core of who they are probably hasn’t changed. Start looking and taking notice of those admirable qualities again. And remember, no one is perfect all of the time. Practice grace!

Ladies, this is especially important to men, to know that they are respected by their wives. We’re their cheerleaders, and one way we can build them up is by letting them know on a regular basis, that we admire them, we’re proud of their abilities, we genuinely love them for who they are (and not what we want them to be or become), and we’re cheering them on as they achieve both their personal and professional goals.

Men, this goes for you too! If your wife works outside the home, let her know you appreciate her partnership and how she is killing it by helping build up your account. Remind her, you respect her for her professional achievements, and are impressed by her ability to juggle it all. If your wife works inside the home, let her know that you appreciate the years of professional development she’s sacrificed in order to serve and manage on the home front. Remind her you see her working hard at home, and that she’s filling a valuable role to her family, both husband and children. She no longer gets much recognition and is never “promoted” so you have to be that voice to her. The idea behind performance reviews and bonuses may be helpful for incentives to keep her motivated!

TIP:

When you don’t know where to start in changing your mindset, it might be helpful to place a little notepad by your nightstand, and begin write down each night all of the things your spouse did “right” that day. What attributes did they demonstrate, that made you feel proud to call him or her your spouse? After a little while (probably a week or two of this), you might begin to notice that the story you had created about your spouse starts to change, and now your spouse is no longer the villain, but becomes the hero or a kick-ass team mate instead!

Finally, it probably wouldn’t hurt to start vocalizing to him or her, like when you or your spouse gets home, that you R-E-S-P-E-C-T them (and they’ll probably reflect that back to you)!

Our hope is that you begin to like and even enjoy your spouse again :0)

Subliminal Messages Around Sex

Subliminal Messages Around Sex

A person’s mind is much like a glacier, only a small portion is above the water, and is visible to us. Like a glacier, a huge chunk is below the surface and we’re completely unaware of it. This is what those in the psychology field would call the “subconscious mind”, which influences the rest of our mind and experiences without even realizing how it plays a role in our thinking.  So let’s explore how subliminal messages around sex can become ingrained throughout development and impact your love life.

Sex Education starts incredibly early. Think about the infant that’s held and lovingly cared for, that’s their first understanding of love and intimacy. The infant crying and you as the parent, responding, that’s their first attempt at communicating their needs (and hopefully getting their needs met).

Has your toddler ever walked in on you while you’re getting dressed in the morning? How you respond sends a message about whether it’s good or bad to be naked (or mostly nude), and how comfortable you are in your own skin. What words does your toddler hear coming from your mouth about your own body… are you kind and loving or are you critical and harsh? Do you appreciate your strong and healthy body or do you just comment on the superficial?

You find out your adolescent is viewing “dirty” images online. You realize he’s started masturbating. Do you teach him this is “normal” and age appropriate exploration and desire, or do you shame and embarrass him?  Do you set expectations around masturbation being okay, but sex “should” be saved for marriage? What values do you want to instill and what limits do you want to set on what he’s able to view? Do you explain that any images he views will be with him and how that might impact his future love life and marriage one day?

Do you address masturbation with your teenage daughter and have similar conversations or is it a taboo topic because she’s a girl? What message might that send her about being a sexual being?  Do you teach your child about contraception options should they decide to have sexual relations? Do you teach them about the risks of sexually transmitted infections?

Do you talk with your children about how expressing affection can be a normal part of a healthy and loving relationship?

These early parent-child interactions set the foundation for how your children think and feel about sexual matters. Are these conversation you’re comfortable having? If not, why not? As the parent, one of your many jobs is to be an educator, providing accurate information to your child. You’re hopefully creating a space that your children feel safe going to when they want more information or clarification on a topic. You know they’ll likely be discussing these topics with their peers too, but good grief, you want to be the one instilling your values into them, and to know that they’re receiving accurate information!

It’s important to know all direct and indirect messages you’re sending to your children about their bodies (and other peoples’ bodies), and sexuality will likely have an impact (at least in some ways) on their sex lives later on. Please help them develop a healthy and age appropriate understanding of their bodies and sexuality topics.

Think about your own upbringing for a minute… Did you grow up in a home where sex was a taboo topic? No one talked about it, ever! What message did that send you? Did you grew up in the home where you were taught that sex was “dirty” or the only reason to have sex was for procreation purposes. Did you hear your parents label girls who had sex as “whores” or “sluts” (already sending a message that women are not sexual beings, who should seek out and enjoy sexual pleasure in the right context). These types of direct or indirect messages really do become ingrained over time! How are some of the messages you were sent as a child, teenager or even young adult impacting you now? Do you need to “reframe” some of your thinking around your own body, and on sexuality to lead to a healthier you ?

It might be worth speaking with a licensed professional to learn about healthy sexual development and address any areas from your childhood, adolescence or young adult years that are impacting the love life you want to have.

Sex: How Often Is Normal?

Sex: How Often Is Normal?

 

When one partner starts wondering how often other couples are having sex, really the underlying concern is probably about having a higher or lower sex drive than their partner. There is no perfect answer or “normal” here. Rather, it’s about talking with your spouse about what each other’s needs are, and how you can both work towards meeting those needs in a way you’re both comfortable and satisfied with.

But let’s talk about averages anyway…

According to Newsweek- Married couples say they have sex 68.5 times a year. That’s slightly more than once a week.

15-20 percent of couples have sex no more than 10 times per year, which experts define as a sexless marriage.-Newsweek. 

Here are some more stats that are somewhat conflicting… 

According to Psychology Today:

-12% had no sex in the last year.

-21% have sex several times a year.

-34% have sex once or twice a month.

-26% have sex once or twice a week. 

-7% have sex 4 or 5 times per week. (This group must be the newlyweds 🙂

At the heart of the matter, you as a couple need to discuss what your needs are and what you can realistically work toward in meeting those needs.

Remember, regular intimacy, whether that be sexual intercourse, oral sex, mutual masturbation, cuddling and caressing, is all part of a healthy and loving relationship. Sexual satisfaction and relationship satisfaction both have many health benefits. And from a simply physiological perspective, you’ve got to use your muscles to keep them toned and strong, the same goes for those sex organs 🙂

Couples PORNOGRAPHY: How to make it work for your relationship!

Couples PORNOGRAPHY: How to make it work for your relationship!

 

According to Google, pornography is “printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs or activity, intended to stimulate erotic rather than aesthetic or emotional feelings.”

So is it bad for your marriage? I guess my first questions would be why are you looking at it and who’s starring in it?

I would say that if you’re a married man or woman and you’re looking at pornographic material without your spouse present, then my guess is that you probably have some other relationship and intimacy issues that need to be addressed. It might be worth seeing a licensed professional who works with couples and addresses relationship and intimacy issues.

Personally, I believe it’s best for your marriage to keep your sexual fulfillment or love tank filled by your spouse and your spouse alone. Why not make pornographic material together as a couple! This allows your wife to know she’s your only object of desire, and you may have fun being creative together! It’s good to keep your love life alive and this is just one way you could expand your horizons.

Maybe this looks like taking sexy photos. Maybe it’s taking video of sexual performances. Maybe it’s acting out a sexual fantasies like role playing. You may need to start with photos and build up to video as you both feel more comfortable with this activity. It’s not just about the visual here, but also about good communication. You have to discuss and decide as a couple, what you’re both comfortable with and why.

Ladies, you may have some privacy concerns. This concern cannot be taken lightly! If you don’t give your wife control here she may be reluctant to make any pornographic material and understandably so. How can you password protect your material? Is she the only one who knows the password you use to protect your newly created photos and videos? You’ve got to let her know you understand her privacy concerns and together take action to find a solution you’re both comfortable with. Protecting such a valuable part of your love life speaks volumes to her, and if you don’t take this area seriously, you risk losing her trust!

The goal here is change the current idea that all pornography is horrible to how can you use pornography and make it work in your marriage to strengthen that bond and keep your love life exciting. We don’t need to be explicit with ideas, but instead hope this helps facilitate the conversation and provides additional ideas and thinking around the topic of pornography.

Bachelorette Party Advice

Bachelorette Party Advice

Have you ever been asked to share some advice at a bachelorette party before? Well, we certainly have!

Here’s some practical and comical advice for the newlyweds.

  1. Love on your husband by sexing him up on the regular. A good lover thinks of her partner before herself.
  2. Invest and nurture all aspects of your marriage. The emotional, intellectual, physical, spiritual. Intimacy with your hubby in all areas leads to mind-blowing sexy time and spousal connection!
  3. Be creative in the bedroom. No one likes to eat spaghetti for dinner every night. It gets old! Switch up the sexual script with different positions and ideas.
  4. Good communication is key to good love making and love receiving. Be sensitive in providing feedback about what you enjoy, and remember, stroke his ego, not just his weiner 🙂 Be open to receiving feedback too.
  5. Protect and guard  your marital boundaries. Keep your emotional fulfillment and sexual energy stored up for hubby and him alone. If you guard your eyes and heart, he’ll always remain the sexiest man to you.
  6. Don’t go to bed angry and/or deprive each other sexually as punishment. Talk things out before bed, have make-up sex and then you’ll both sleep much better that night 🙂
  7. It’s okay to laugh together between the sheets. There will be awkward moments.
  8. If sex/physical intimacy is important to you now as newlyweds, then it’ll still be an important part of marriage 10, 20, 30 and 40 years down the road. Keep the love life alive!

Next, we’ll be posting a bachelorette party gift idea section so be sure to look for it!