How to Trim Your Bush

How to Trim Your Bush

How to Trim Your Bush: Some things to ponder and some products we love for trimming our bush. Personal Trimmers and Waxing Kits 101.

DON’T BE AFRAID TO MAKE THE CUT!  

You look down below and realize you’ve really neglected your bush- it’s crazy overgrown. It hasn’t had much attention lately and has really gotten out of hand. The first step is acknowledgment and the second step is to make a plan to trim this way back …

There are a couple of right ways to clean up this bush and a better time of the year to really trim it bare. 

Winter Months: Let this thing just take it’s natural shape. This is 70s style and the Europeans do it all the time, you remind yourself.

Spring: Grab a pair of these lady bush trimmers and find a comfortable location to begin your maintenance work. Next, decide how much you want to take off. Do you want to just give it a little shape around the edges? Maybe you’re feeling more daring today and want to remove the entire overgrown shrub? No, you decide. Save that one for when you go on vacation this summer.  You’ve got real landscaping skills and have an extra 5 minutes to yourself in the bathroom. You decide to trim your bush back but leave your hubby’s initials etched into it! He’ll love it you think to yourself!?!

Summer: You’re on trend so the Brazilian is the way to go. You agree to wax your crack if your hubby does his two. You buy your at home Brazilian waxing kit here, give it a try and then decide to never try that one again at home. Ooops, the wax ended up in a spot it probably was never intended to go. After a very painful and embarrassing visit to the ER you vow to never, ever speak with your spouse again. Please DO NOT attempt this at home! Trust the waxing professionals, they get paid the big bucks for a reason to do this job.

Fall: Time to use those lady bush trimmers again. Just one last maintenance trim to keep its  shape for the season. Or on those cool fall nights when you’re feeling energized, you trim the shrub back so he can see the windows on the house again. This is his signal its time to go down, down there.

8 Ways to Have a Positive Body Image

8 Ways to Have a Positive Body Image

positive body image - social constructsThere are many stereotypes about women vs. men.  Typically I do not like to follow along with these stereotypes, but one that I have found to be true highly often is that women tend to struggle with maintaining a positive body image.  Many people say that this is due to several reasons:

  • Images in the media of celebrities and models
  • “Fat shaming” and other bullying
  • Stereotypical norms and dimensions of what beautiful women should look like
  • Pornography

As a Christian myself, my personal belief is that these reasons above are all just tools of the evil one intended for one purpose: to drag women down.  Women were intended to be the pinnacle of beauty.  The ultimate and final creation.  However, the devil loves to pervert and twist and destroy.  He attacks the very beauty that women were intended for, and he does it in our hearts and minds.

“Wait, you’re a Christian and you write about sexual topics?”  Yep.  Sex is also intended to be a beautiful thing that binds couples together.  The theme for the site is not “that Christian sex site” because we intend for this site and the content to be available and helpful to everyone.

So, because I would like to encourage positive body image for all readers, male and female alike, below I propose 8 ways to have a positive body image!

#1: Find your purpose

You aren’t here to just work, have kids, get Obamacare, grow old, get Medicare, and die.  Each person on the earth has unique skills and energy to be able to apply to things they are passionate about.  Do you have a passion?  Really, house mom with five kids who spends most of the day changing diapers after packing lunches and making sure the soccer car pool is scheduled.  Do you have not only an outlet, but also something you really enjoy?  Some goals you work toward?  What do you look forward to?  And it’s not allowed to just be “the weekend” so you don’t have to go to work.

You need to have an activity in your life that you daydream about.  A purpose that you Google search about while you have some free time.  Each person should have something they do that when they’re done they wish they weren’t done.  Some goals they meet and then move higher.  Some weekly activity that when you’re done and it’s time to go home you are already looking forward to next week.

If you do not have something like this in your life, and you can’t think of something you have done that inspires you like this… try something new.  Really.  Try kyaking.  Join a soccer league / volleyball league / softball league / ping pong team / book club / bridge (card game) club / nature society.  You don’t need to know how to do it or already be good at it or even know that you’ll like it.  Just try new things until you find one that works for you.

What does purpose have to do with positive body image?  Two things:

  1. If you think about your passionate activity regularly, you have a purpose for what you do that makes you feel good about yourself.  Sitting at home watching Netflix probably doesn’t give you that purpose.  How you see yourself begins in your heart, so you need to fill your heart with love.  And out of your heart, everything around you is affected – your speech, your actions, your motivations.
  2. If you have a passionate activity that you truly enjoy, you’ll realize that you are valuable beyond the daily grind.  That leads me to our second way to have a positive body image:

#2: Realize you are incredibly valued and valuable

Even in the lunch packing / diaper changing mundane things in life, there is value.  Again, we have a purpose here, and it’s more than you think.  We’re intended for more than average.  And there are people around you who love you and wouldn’t know what they would do without you.

So, this activity here goes beyond finding something you’re passionate about.  It’s about recognizing the relationships that are important to you.  We aren’t simply talented and energy filled for performing activities, but we’re also love-filled to be able to pour that love into others.  And in doing so, you’ll realize just how much value you have.

Task: Write down a list of three people.  Not less than three and not more than three.  Three people you think you can express amazing love to in some way, and they least expect it.  Totally out of the blue.  And when you think about that person, think about an amazing way that you can love on them.  Maybe it’s a simple email.  Maybe it’s asking them to coffee and asking them how they are doing.  Ask how you can support them or if they want to come over for dinner.  Pour your love into three specific people – completely out of the blue.

What does realizing value have to do with positive body image?

Again, your self image is going to come from your heart.  You’ll even hear people say it about others, but it comes out a little differently.  “She’s hot, like a 10, but she’s a total bitch, so that brings her down to a 6.”  When you pour love into others, you’re filled with more love yourself.

#3: Exercise to meet your positive body image goals

just workin on my fitnessThis is the no-brainer, but mandatory item to include on the list about positive body image.  Exercising does more than just help you achieve a certain look though.  It affects the very way you think.  When you exercise, you release endorphin’s, which are chemicals that make your mind and body feel good.  So even right after your first workout, you’ll already feel better about yourself.  Couple that feel good stew with a sense of accomplishment, and you’re on the way to a positive body image for the day.

Now, to extend the positive body image from just the day of your workout to long-term, you need to set some achievable goals.  And achieve them.  We won’t go into all of the ways to stickf to a workout schedule, but find what works for you and work it.  Make a plan / work a plan.

I myself have a ridiculously positive body self image because I go to the gym regularly and I track my workouts to see my improvements.  Track your workouts.  Not every little step you take, but track something measurable that you can refer to the next time you exercise.  Why?  You need visible achievements – back to the achievements idea from #1 above.  Say you go to the gym for the first time in… a decade.  Congratulations!  You mustered courage.  Now, get on that treadmill and see what you can do.  Don’t worry about the others in the gym.  There may be dudes in there who have been lifting consistently for two decades and check themselves out in the mirror.  Check them out and enjoy it, but don’t try to keep up if you’re not physically ready.  Just do what you can do.  And write it down.  Then tomorrow, get in there and do a little more.

6 months of “a little more” adds up to “a lot more” and “Damn, girl, you look great!”

#4: Eat just a little healthier

Again, the no-brainer.  Unless you absolutely need to lose 100 pounds for urgent health reasons though, don’t attempt a wholesale change in your diet.  Try a small tweek – rather than eating a bowl of cereal before going to bed, eat a salad.  Don’t do the fad diet that you read about in some celebrity magazine.  “I’m on an all kale diet.  Absolutely nothing but kale.”  Again, small changes over 6 months combined with exercise add up to big changes, which leads to a positive body image.  Also, specific small changes are easier to stick with.  “I’m no longer drinking pop or sweet tea.”

#5: Surround yourself with your own positive body image

positive body image - messages on mirrorpositive body image - no negatives allowedWhen you take a look in the mirror and see that your calves are looking pretty great, write yourself a note and stick it on the mirror.  When you have a good workout (again, referencing your last workout and seeing improvement) – write a little “great job!” in your workout journal.  When you get in the car and you turn on the radio, turn on that Beyonce album and sing to yourself, “I woke up like this! Flawless.”

When anyone says anything to you that you took to be detracting from your positive body image, don’t get mad.  Instead, throw some truth at them!  “Actually, I love my breasts just the way they are.” and if you need to illustrate to them what it feels like how they were just speaking to you, throw in a “if I were as overweight as you, I’d have big floppy boobs too!”  You know what I mean.  Any time there is anyone or anything tearing down that beautiful body of yours, just put up your “stop sign hand” and tell them to shove off because you’re beautiful.

You want to be surrounded constantly by words that speak into your heart that you are beautiful.  Because you are.

#6: Wear some cute clothes and strut your stuff (practice confidence)

Get it, girl!  Sometimes you just gotta give yourself little rewards that show off that beautiful body.  Maybe buy something that shows off your hard work to your handsome hubby.  When you are ready, feel confident in showing off.  Remember, confidence is practiced!  Put on the heals and the hot outfit and strut confidently for no other reason than to strut.  How awesome is that?

#7: Have wild and passionate sex with your spouse

Sexual Attraction: Get into it!If you’re married, there are few things that can help you build a positive body image than getting hot and heavy with your significant other.  People want to feel desired.  It’s in our nature.  Spice it up too!  There are many articles on this site around how to spice up your sex life with your spouse.  Maybe try a dildo if you’re both onboard with that?  Or an amazing clitoral vibrator?  Maybe try spanking your hubby!  Get creative and turn the sex tables!  Don’t just make spaghetti again for dinner.  Go for spicy Indian food tonight in the bedroom.

Passionate sex isn’t just about the feeling.  It’s about being desired.  When someone desires you in the most intimate way, and they express it to you with passionate pursuit, you feel your body is valued and desired, which builds a strong positive body image.

#8: Realize you’re already beautiful

you are beautifulEach one of us is already beautiful in our own way.  We care about others, we pursue things in our lives we’re interested in, and we try to be good people.  We also have amazing potential built within us that even we can’t imagine.  Our minds, hearts, and bodies all have hidden untapped potential just waiting to be found and realized.  For this fact alone – that we are amazing beings capable of so much – we should treasure ourselves.

Vulnerability in Marriage

Vulnerability in Marriage

Pornography is a topic that gets talked about a lot in some circles. Apparently there has been a steep increase in the use of pornographic material. Husbands are being tempted to use this as a replacement instead of going to their wives for sexual connection and having that need met there.

After reading about this I couldn’t help but wonder why individuals aren’t discussing what’s at the root cause of this? So some husbands are looking at pornography, okay. So that’s the symptom telling me that something else is going on in the man’s heart or is going on in that marriage relationship that needs a remedy.

A wise person once talked about couples coming together regularly as being a good indicator that those marriages were probably strong and healthy. If couples are coming together regularly for sexual connection, then other areas (emotional, spiritual, intellectual) of their marriage are probably strong and healthy too.

But for those who are experiencing some symptoms, what’s going on in the relationship that needs to be addressed and healed?

Here are two examples:

Scenario One

Life Got Busy and Physical Intimacy Got Placed On The Back Burner. 

Guys, most women are reasonable if you speak to their logical mind.

If you said, “Hey I’m feeling tempted in this area because we’re not getting it on regularly, what can we do about this? Do you need more sleep? How can I help love on you more? I want you and only you, because you’re my smokin’ hot wife.” She’s likely to appreciate your vulnerability AND be prepared, she may come back with, “Thanks for being honest. I would be more in the mood if “x” happened more often. What can we do about it?”

So this opens up the conversation in a pretty healthy and respectful way.

Listen and repeat back. 

Husbands – acknowledge your wife’s feelings and repeat back to her what she needs from you. That lets her know you’re actually taking in what’s she’s saying. She’s likely to mirror that back to you, acknowledging how you’re feeling and expressing she gets what you need from her.

Together think of win win solutions.

Set goals together. Two times a week she’ll get x from you, two times a week she’ll invite you into being sexually intimate. Everyone wins and walks away feeling heard and like they’re getting the best out of the deal.

Scenario Two:

He’s Been Emasculated.

Husband feels emasculated by his wife. She compares him negatively to other men or treats him in a way that makes him feel as though he’ll never be good enough. Or maybe this wife never acknowledges that her husband is right, which over time cuts him down. This habit over time leads to him turning to pornography because at least the fake girl in the video makes him feel good about himself temporarily.

Owning Feelings and Labeling Behavior.

The husband needs to bring this up to his wife in a way that labels her behavior, and let’s her know how her behavior is impacting him negatively. Hopefully she’ll receive this constructive criticism, start acknowledging where she was wrong and starts working to improve their relationship. If you’re husband is being vulnerable ladies, please pay attention. He is trying to tell you something is not right here and it needs to get fixed before things get worse.

These are just two examples, personalize it to fit your specific scenario.

And just a reminder men, your wife’s sexual libido is highly dependent on your pursuit of her. We ladies are designed to respond to your display of love for us. You lead here and we respond! Ladies, build up your husband and let him know you desire him physically as well.

 

 

Do Old People Have Sex?

Do Old People Have Sex?

The great Maya Angelou wrote  on the question of “Do old people have sex?” in her book titled, Even The Stars Looks Lonesome. This entire book is a great read. Below we’ll add the link so you can buy it on Amazon, but for now, here is an excerpt:

An African American woman I know had parents who were married for forty years. The father had a lingering and painful illness during which the mother was his devoted and usually cheerful attendant. The father died. Three years later my acquaintance severed relations with her mother. The mother had dared to take up with a gentleman friend. The daughter who was 35 years old and twice divorced was repelled by the thought her mother was being intimate with a man, and displeasure stretched beyond her control.

A group of friends and acquaintances met a hotel for Sunday brunch. The unhappy woman let her horror over her mother’s friend take control over the conversation.

“What could they possibly be doing together? She’s nearly 60 and he’s got be be 65. Can you imagine them naked together? All that wrinkled skin rubbing against the other.

Her face was an ugly mask. She puckered and pouted and sulked.

“Old people shouldn’t have sex. Just thinking about that turns my stomach.”

Sitting at the table were black women, whose ages ranged from seventy to seventeen. There was silence for a moment after the tirade, then almost everyone began to speak at once.

“Are you crazy?”

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Old folks don’t have sex. Who told you that lie?”

One woman waited until the clamor had subsided and asked sweetly, “What do you think your mama and daddy did after you were born? They stopped doing the do?”

The whiner answered petulantly, “You don’t have to be nasty.” The statement brought howls of derision.

“Girl you are sick!”

“Get a grip!”

And the oldest lady in the room said, “Honey, tired don’t mean lazy, and every goodbye ain’t gone.”

I was reminded of my mother when she was 74. She lived in California with my 4th stepfather, her great love, who was recovering from a mild stroke. Her telephone voice clearly told me how upset she was, “Baby, I’ve waited as long as I could before bothering you, but things have gone on  too long. Much too long.”

I made my voice as soft as hers had been hard. “Mom, what’s the matter? I’ll take care of it.”

Although I lived in North Carolina, I felt as close as the telephone, credit cards and airlines allowed me to be.

“It’s your poppa. If you don’t talk to him, I’m going to put his butt out. Out of this house. I’ll put his butt on the street.”

 The last husband of mom’s was my favorite.  We were made for each other.  He had never had a daughter and I had not known a father’s care, advice and protection since my teens.

“What did Poppa do, Mom? What is he doing?”

“Nothing. Nothing.  That’s it.  He’s not doing a damn thing.”

“But Mom, his stroke.”

“I know.  He thinks that if he has sex, he’ll bring on another stroke. The doctor already told him that isn’t true. And I got so mad when he said he might die having sex, that I told him there’s no better way to go.”

That was funny, but I knew better than to laugh.

“What can I do, Mom? Really, I mean there is nothing I can do.”

“Yes, you can.  You talk to him. He’ll listen to you. Either you talk to him or I’ll put him out on the street. I’m a woman, I’m not a damn rock.”

I knew that voice very well. I knew that she had reached her level of frustration.  She was ready to act.

I said, “OK, Mom.  I don’t know what I will say, but I’ll talk to Poppa.”

“You’d better do it soon, then.”

“Mom, you leave the house at five-thirty this evening, and I’ll telephone Poppa after you leave. Calm your heart, Mom, I’ll do my best.”

“OK, Baby, ‘bye.  I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

She was not happy, but at least she had calmed down.  I pondered throughout the day and at six o’clock California time I telephoned.”

“Hi Poppa.  How are you?”

“Hey, baby.  How you doing?” He was happy to hear my voice.

“Fine, Poppa.  Please let me speak to Mom.”

“Oh, baby, she left here ’bout a half hour ago.  Gone over to her cousin’s.”

“Well, Poppa, I’m worried about her and her appetite.  She didn’t eat today, did she?”

“Yes, she did.  Cooked crab cakes and a slaw and asparagus. We ate it all.”

“Well, she’s not drinking, is she?”

“She has a beer with me, and you can bet she’s got a Dewar’s White Label in her hand right now.”

“But, Poppa, something much be wrong.  I mean, is she playing music and cards and things?”

“We played Take 6 all day on this music system you sent us, and I know she’s playing dominoes over there with your cousin Mary.”

“Well, Poppa, you seem to think her appetite is strong.”

“Oh, yeah, baby, your momma got a good appetite.”

“That’s true, Poppa.” I lowered my voice. “All her appetites are strong.  Poppa, please excuse me – but I’m the only one to speak to you – but it’s true her love appetite is string, too, and, Poppa, please excuse me, but if you don’t take care of her in that department, she will starve to death, Poppa.” I heard him cough and sputter and clear his throat.

“Please excuse me, Poppa, but someone is at my door.  I love you, Poppa.”

There was a very weak “Bye, baby.”

My face was burning.  I made a drink for myself. I had done the best I could, and I hoped it would work.”

The next morning, about 7:00 A.M. California time, my mother’s voice gave me the result.

“Hi darling, Mother’s baby.  You are the sweetest girl in the world.  Mother just adores you.” She cooed and crooned, and I laughed for her pleasure.

Parents who tell their offspring that sex is an act performed only for procreation do everyone a serious disservice.  With absolute distress, I must say that my mom died four years after that incident, but she remains my ideal. Now in my sixties, I plan to continue to be like her when I reach my seventies, and beyond, if I’m lucky.

 

So what do you think?  Do you want to be an old person having sex?  To read more of Maya Angelou’s book, here it is on Amazon.

Christian Sex Toys??

So you believe in Jesus.  Awesome.  You don’t look at pornography or skeezy sites on the internet.  Cool.  You have sexual needs.  What???

Yes, you’re still human when you’re a Christian, and those sexual desires don’t change when you put your faith in Jesus.  So then the question comes up: what is okay and what is not okay for Christians to do sexually?  Can Christians use a vibrator?  What about a clitoral vibrator versus a g-spot vibrator? There’s a whole spectrum of sexual things you can do outside of normal intercourse.  But what is okay to do without committing a sin?

In this multi-part post, we won’t be able to analyze the full spectrum of sexual topics, but we will examine what we think are the top questions on the minds of Christians:

  1. Are there “Christian sex toys”?  What about clitoral vs. g-spot vibrators?
  2. Is it okay to masturbate?  Alone or with my spouse?
  3. What about oral sex?

Christian sex toys

Part 1: Are There “Christian Sex Toys?”

Just the phrase “Christian Sex Toy” seems kind of like an oxymoron.  Aren’t Christians supposed to be semi-nuns who only have sex in the missionary position?  Anything else would be perverse and sinful, right?

How far is too far?  Let’s start from the beginning and lay down a quick foundation before we can dissect this question on Christian sex toys.

1. Sex is intended to be between a married man and woman.

That hasn’t changed between generations and it never will. There are many scripture references, but I’ll just give a few:

  1. Talking about avoiding the adulterous woman, the writer of Proverbs says, “Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well.” (Proverbs 5:15)
  2. Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?  So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Matthew 19:4-6)

2. Sex is good.

Sex is too often hidden away and not talked about in Christian circles.  If Christians are not talking about sex – in a positive way – then who is??  Anyway, for anyone doubting that the Bible says sex is good:

  1. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love. (Proverbs 5:18-19)
  2. Let my beloved come to his garden, and eat its choicest fruits. (Song of Solomon 4:16b)
  3. I say I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its fruit. Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the scent of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine. It goes down smoothly for my beloved, gliding over lips and teeth. I am my beloved’s, and his desire is for me. (Song of Solomon 7:8-10)

I could keep going with the references to why sex is good.

3. The main thing that Jesus changed was to change our mindset from Law to Love.  From Religion to Relationship.

Now, this was always the case as being the most important thing.  Relationship isn’t just a “New Testament Thing.”  Don’t believe me?

  1. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)
  2. You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise. (Psalm 51:16-17)
  3. Even if you have been banished to the most distant land under the heavens, from there the Lord your God will gather you and bring you back. …….. The Lord your God will circumcise your hearts and the hearts of your descendants, so that you may love him with all your heart and with all your soul, and live. (Deuteronomy 30:4, 6)

So it is okay for Christians to use sex toys?

Okay, now that we have those bases covered, lets tackle our question of whether or not sex toys are okay for Christians to use.  Here is where we start to get into our opinion, and not trying to prove anything beyond those items that we talked about above.

In our opinion, sex toys are okay for Christians to use as long as they’re used within these boundaries:

  1. Sex toys are used within the context of marriage.  Also, husband and wife are both okay with using them.
  2. Sex toys are not used as a replacement and are intended to serve a temporary function. Sex is not to be withheld in marriage – husbands and wives are supposed to come together regularly, and there are references for this as well. Do not buy a g spot vibrator and use that in replacement of your husband.  Also, men, do not look at porn in replacement for your wife.
  3. Sex toys should be brought into your sexual relationship when they are beneficial to the relationship.  Some stodgy people may say that a sex toy will never be beneficial in your sexual relationship.  However, there are many cases where it can bring you closer together:
    • If your wife had a c-section within the last year, she will likely need additional stimulation beyond your penis and fingers to orgasm because cutting through nerves caused a decrease in sensitivity and possible numbing sensation for several months.  Please, get a clitoral vibrator.
    • You may have been having sex in the same way for the last several months (or years)!  Shop for a sex toy together and find one you’re both interested in.  Who wants to eat spaghetti for dinner every single night, even if it’s wonderful?  Spice it up and try something new once every once in a while. Song of Solomon doesn’t express sexual desire in the variety of ways that it does for sex to become boring.
    • Your husband is experiencing erectile dysfunction but he still wants his wife to experience sexual satisfaction while they are coming together regularly for sexual intimacy.
    • Maybe you’re a woman who experiences “performance related anxiety.” You feel pressure to say you’ve orgasmed but never really have and don’t know how to because you’ve never masturbated. This might help you and your husband discover how to.
    • You and your husband are okay with the idea of breast augmentations, you’re both also supporters of a vibrator. Penises also come in different sizes.

Now, some people may say that sex toys are examples of “sexual immorality” that is talked about in the bible often.  I think that this is those people’s opinion, and just not what they’re used to.  Just because you’re not used to it doesn’t mean it’s wrong – it’s just different.

So yes, we believe there are “sex toys” that can be beneficial, and we’re not going to divide them up into which toys are right and which are wrong.  As long as they fall into the 3 boundaries above, we think you’re okay in God’s eyes.

Signs of a Healthy Relationship

Signs of a Healthy Relationship

Psychology Today posted an article on 50 characteristics of a healthy relationship. Below we’ll list out our top 25 signs of a healthy relationship. Go through the list with your partner and discuss.

  1. You and your partner are playful with one another
  2. You think your partner has smart ideas at times
  3. You think about each other when you can’t be physically close
  4. You trust your partner
  5. When you disagree, you’re both able to be sensible and at least see the other persons’ point of view
  6. Your partner is happy when things go well for you, and vice versa
  7. You reminisce about past things that have been positive
  8. You touch each other every day in the form of hugs and kisses
  9. Your partner is a safe place to be vulnerable about fears, worries, insecurities, failures, etc.
  10. You can list positive personality traits your partner inherited from his parents
  11. You both provide each other with a sense of security- knowing the other will be faithful in the relationship and also won’t jeopardize finances
  12. You express appreciation for the other regularly
  13. You sense your individual strengths complement one another
  14. You’re okay taking constructive feedback from your partner
  15. When you hear, You’re Body Is a Wonderland, you immediately think of your partner
  16. You can appreciate the ways you’ve grown as individuals and as a couple
  17. When you’re dealing with life stressors, you can turn to your partner for comfort
  18. You feel as though you’re teammates with your partner, working together to accomplish great things together
  19. You know facts about your partner’s childhood and understand their family relationships a bit
  20. You feel comfortable challenging one another
  21. You view your partner as a warm and gentle spirit
  22. You make each other laugh
  23. You get along with at least one of your partner’s friends
  24. You rarely have contempt for your partner
  25. When arguments happen you still feel as though your partner cares about your feelings

Sexual Motivation – Keep that Hubby Working Hard!

Sexual Motivation – Keep that Hubby Working Hard!

Alright ladies, you’re the boss of your organization, just one of the many responsibilities you have. You know you want your husband to keep performing his job well, but he needs to stay motivated. So what is one of his top motivators outside of money? SEX as reinforcement!

How often should you make sure he is earning his reinforcement? Twice a week is a pretty reasonable amount of time for most couples. How do you make sure you’re getting the top performance for the set wage you’re paying him (again sex twice a week)? Here’s where I need to explain some psychology concepts for you to learn and then figure out how to best apply this knowledge in order to run your organization, um, I mean, marriage and household…

Reinforcement is a term used when describing a stimulus that helps learn a desired behavior or maintain a desired behavior. Positive reinforcement is used to strengthen a behavior and increase the likelihood that the desired behavior will happen again. So say you want to reinforce your husband for working hard as a provider and being a great husband/dad, he needs to be rewarded with sex from you in order to know he’s doing a good job and that he should keep doing those desired behaviors well 🙂

Now that you understand what reinforcement is and why it’s important, let’s talk a moment about schedules of reinforcement.

Really, when it comes to a schedule of reinforcement for sex, you’re going to chose from either a fixed interval schedule or a variable ratio schedule.

A fixed interval schedule is the idea behind earning a paycheck every two weeks. You know exactly when you’ll receive the reward. It usually produces high responding near the end of the interval, like right before you collect your paycheck, and then lower responding right after you earned the reinforcer. So maybe you pay your hubby once every week on Saturday nights.

A variable ratio schedule is what’s used by employers’s when giving out bonuses or special trips for top performers. The reinforcer (sex) is released after an unpredictable amount of responding (working as a provider and being an awesome head of the household). This type of schedule leads to a higher rate of responding (or desired behavior/performance), because you don’t know when exactly you’ll be rewarded so you keep trying hard. A great example of a variable ratio 5 schedule was posted on Psychology.About.com. To summarize you’re hubby may be reinforced with sex after three full days of working and being an awesome hubby/dad, after 5 days, or after 7 days and so on. The delivery of the reinforcer is unpredictable, but it would average out to be every 5 days.

In order to run your marriage and household at maximize capacity, it might be helpful to do a combination here of a fixed interval schedule along with a variable ratio schedule. Hubby gets paid every Saturday night, and also gets surprise sex one other night during the week. Sex the second time of the week is unpredictable when it occurs, some weeks its Monday, some weeks its Wednesday, some weeks its Friday, etc.

Hopefully you get the idea. Keep that hubby motivated work to work like a boss and to be active and present on the home front!

How Regular Exercise Can Improve Your Sex Drive

How Regular Exercise Can Improve Your Sex Drive

Improve your sex drive! As you already know regular exercise has many wellness benefits. We’ve known for a long time regular exercise helps us decrease our risks of developing heart disease, diabetes and Alzheimer’s disease. Regular exercise helps us control our weight, improves our mood, boosts our energy, and promotes better sleep.

Improve your sex drive and increase overall wellness. Let’s take some time to review why and how regular exercise can improve your sex drive… 

  1. While you’re exercising your body releases certain chemicals in your brain called endorphins. Endorphins being released in your brain has many benefits, but one is that they can increase a person’s mood by releasing more “feel good” messages to your brain. The release of this “feed good” chemicals combat feelings of depression and anxiety. I don’t know about you, but I’m more likely to want to get frisky when I’m in a good mood 😛
  2. Exercise increases blood flow throughout your body. More blood flowing to your genitals means an increase in arousal response! Get that body moving so your sex organs are extra sensitive and responsive.
  3. There’s a relationship between a man’s bulging waistline that puts him at higher risk of developing Erectile Dysfunction. No physician wants to come out and say this, but I wonder if more doctors were this blunt, how a man might change his diet and exercise habits! Yes, this site is focused on women and their sexual functioning, so let’s use some deductive reasoning here: if you’re a lady with a bulging waistline, then you might also be experiencing some form of “vaginal dysfunction.” It’s your sexual functioning and overall health, what diet and exercise changes could you alter?
  4. Exercise can greatly improve body image. If you’re feeling fit and healthy, then you’re more likely to feel good about your physical attributes. The more attractive you’re feeling, the more likely you are to feel confident naked in front of your spouse. Get moving so your body image improves! As Michelle Obama suggested, 60 minutes of fitness a day will do the trick!

Female Sexuality

I remember a close friend opening up while we were still in college and she asked, “So do you think it’s okay for girls to masturbate?” Being a professed believer, I knew what response I should give, and what I did occasionally in the privacy of my own home to contradict one another. I gave her the Christian response, “Well no. We’re not supposed to lust after those who are not our married spouse.” But later on I wondered if that was really a beneficial answer.

Honestly, I had masturbated occasionally out of curiosity about how my own sex organs worked. What if I had been honest and said, “I think girls are equally as curious as guys are, and at the same time I know I’m suppose to remain pure in my thoughts until I’m married.” And then maybe offered her some comment to normalize what she may had felt when asking that question, “It’s hard to be a 20 something single person. I don’t know if God had intended us to through puberty and add on 10-15 years with no way to release a desire her created our clitoris for.”

Then that interaction really got me thinking, why have Christian circles framed sexuality as a guy’s only issue. Guys are allowed to discuss in their guy circles their struggles with sexual sin, usually only touching on matters of pornography or not remaining abstinent until marriage. It baffles me that women don’t also talk about their struggles around sexuality.

If you really believe that men and women were designed to complement one another, then if one demographic, men, are struggling with sexual sin, than wouldn’t it be obvious that there is another complementary group that is also probably struggling. Each respective group probably struggles in their in own way, but why not open up the dialogue. Maybe this should just look like ladies talking with other ladies about sexual matters. Later on, maybe mature married believers can share what they’ve learned from both sexes and create some solutions.

If you’ve got a bunch of 20 or 30 something single men and women that are struggling with remaining pure and abstinent until they’re married then maybe our solution should be, get married earlier and don’t let yourself burn with passion with no way of releasing that.

Or if you’ve been married awhile and you’re wife is no longer feeling sought after or no longer feels as beautiful as she once did; maybe those feelings lead to her not being as interested in sex. How might this decrease in sex drive impact both the husband and wife relationship negatively? Maybe she wants to have sex but depends on her husband’s pursuit and desire to increase her libido.

Or what if your husband has been making sexual advances over the last month or 6 months or years without his wife showing any interest. What does that do to his self esteem? He wants his wife, but she ignores him and doesn’t understand his need for sexual connection. Out of those feelings, he starts looking at the Victoria Secret website after she goes to bed because he needs to feel like a man in his mind and also the release that masturbation provides. How does this impact the marriage relationship once she finds out?

Who’s the one to blame? Maybe that’s where husbands are responsible to their wives and vice versa, wives are responsible to their husbands. Don’t lust after someone that is not your spouse, and also be responsive to your spouses’ sexual advances and needs. Think of the other person before yourself. “Reframe” the concept of sexuality to not just be a guy’s issue, but an issue that both men and women were created with. Both sexes were made as sexual beings and in order to rightfully use this part of our being, we need our spouses.

Selfies: Not Just For Narcissists!

Selfies: Not Just For Narcissists!

SELFIE defined by Merriam Webster as an image of oneself taken by oneself using a digital camera especially for posting on social media.

SELF PORTRAIT defined by Merriam Webster as a painting or drawing of yourself that is done by yourself.

Selfies are the new, updated version of an artistic self-portrait. According to Wikipedia self portraits were not always intended to be on public display, but were intended instead for talking points about the person being painted or as a way to judge the artist’s artistic ability.

We love visual art because of its ability to convey a message without using any words. It’s no wonder when you think about art history why there are so many self-portraits or portrait type art made. Nude portraits in particular have been popular throughout all of history, and have stayed high in demand. Think for a moment about “manly” guy magazines, like Maxim or Playboy. There is a market for nude, female portraits. God has created the female figure to be captivating to the male eye.

Here on our blog we like to take ideas that are in the mainstream, and figure out how the concept can be used to benefit and strengthen the marriage relationship. So in line with this thinking…

Wives could you create artistic, nude self portraits to share with your husband showing off your captivating and awe-inspiring body? This little exercise isn’t just for to beneficial for your husband. You can benefit from snapping some photos of your body and really taking in how beautiful it is? It’s helpful to externalize by capturing images of your body and reflecting on the gorgeous woman in those photos. That’s what positive self-talk is, vocalizing and affirming to yourself what beautiful attributes you do have. Maybe your husband can pick up a camera and share through captured images what he sees when he looks at you too.

Thoughtfully plan out the ways you want to express who you are to your husband and to yourself in these photos. What do you want your nude self portraits to communicate? How often do you want to update these to really capture who you are throughout your life span?

This exercise is beneficial for many reasons. One reason being it can increase your body image when reviewing the photos. Discussing the imagess can be a way of connecting emotionally to your spouse. It’s a fun way to be creative and a cool “gift” to give your husband. If your husband needs to travel at weeks at a time or is deployed, etc, this is a gift that allows him to think of you and focus on you and you alone when he cannot be with you in person.

You can get your own selfie stick here on Amazon.