4 Gifts to get your Wife for Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner so we are here to help you out with this little reminder.  It’s time to start thinking about planning something to acknowledge this day for your spouse! Here are 4 gifts to get your wife on Valentine’s Day!

1. Flowers!

Flower are a nice gift once a year on Valentine’s Day. If you’re a stellar hubby, you remember to pick these up for her on random days throughout the year.  Just because. She’ll like this gift even more if you’ve taken the time to note what kind of flowers are her favorite (i.e. white calla lilies, red roses or yellow tulips).

2. Chocolates!

Chocolates in a small little box. You know she’s watching her weight now that she’s over 30, but still enjoys the occasional indulgence. Valentine’s Day is one of those days. Maybe she’ll actually be inspired to try oral sex again the following weekend since you’re going the extra mile, she might try to go the extra mile!

3. Coffee Cup!

Coffee Cup? Yes, coffee cups! Now that she’s a mommy of two she really depends on coffee to get her going in the morning and to push through until bedtime. All of that stuff you got from your wedding registry is starting to wear and tear so you begin replacing things here and there. Cute coffee cups make her smile and you know she enjoys a fancy cup of joe every once in awhile. Pair the cups with one of her favorite brands of coffee 🙂

4. Necklace!

The necklace doesn’t have to be the most expensive but something made of quality material so it lasts for years to come. The Mom Tag Duo Pendant from Tiffany’s is a nice example and is reasonably priced at $125. Mark and Graham also have a nice variety to choose from ranging from $105 and up.

Mix and match ideas to fit your budget. Pick out a cute romantic comedy to watch with her as you snuggle under a cozy blanket. Remember, no expectations on Valentine’s Day, but she’ll probably be inspired soon thereafter 🙂

Best Clit Stimulator: Favorite New Sex Toy

There is a whole new breed of sex toy that has come on the market over the last few years. The sex toy industry has not completely come to terms with exactly what to call these clitoral pleasure devices. Some call them sonic wave stimulators. Elsewhere they are air pressure stimulators or “clit suckers”. For us, we’re just going to call them Clit Stimulators, which is fairly generic. But we are so impressed with how good these are! Below is a comprehensive list of the Clit Stimulators on the market and our selection of the best clit stimulator available.

What are clit stimulators and how to they feel?

The Original and still the best clit stimulator: Womanizer

Best Clit Stimulator: Womanizer

The original clit stimulator was the Womanizer. Perhaps they would have completely captured the clit stimulator market if they had chosen a better name than something that sounds degrading to women. It was likely named by a guy. Talk about bad brand futureproofing!

You can’t find the original version any longer, but you have your choice between the less expensive Womanizer Pro 40, the Womanizer Pro, the Womanizer 2Go, and the Womanizer Plussize for larger ladies who have trouble reaching their clit comfortably with sex toys.

The Womanizer was the original, and it’s the most expensive, besides the Lelo product. But it’s still the best in our opinion. A close second though is the Satisfyer Pro 2, which we would highly recommend to anyone reading this.

The Best Clit Stimulator for your Money: The Satisfyer!!!

Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation
The best clit stimulation you’ll get for your money is the Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation! Satisfyer was not the original clit stimulator on the market, but Satisfyer has been the most innovative and adaptive to the market. We have been incredibly impressed with the Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation! This is the best clit stimulator in our opinion for what you are spending – especially in the bathtub! You’re better off buying one of these and spending the extra money on a few sexy costumes than buying the much more expensive Womanizer.

There are also a few other Satisfyer models to choose from:

  • Satisfyer Pro Penguin, which we thought was pretty odd and not nearly as good as the Pro 2
  • Satisfyer 2, which is pretty similar to the Satisfyer Pro 2, but it’s battery operated and less expensive.  You’ll end up liking the clit stimulator so much that you’re going to spend more on batteries than you are going to save on the price difference.
  • Satisfyer Pro Deluxe Next Gen, which isn’t quite as nicely designed as the Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Gen.  We prefer the nicer handle and the extended head for more precise navigation of this clit stimulator.  HOWEVER, we do like that the head is more condensed so that if you’re using it during intercourse, then your partner can get closer during their thrusting.

The Most Stylish Clit Stimulator: The Lelo Sona Cruise!!!

Lelo Sona Cruise

The most stylish looking clit stimulator comes from the high-end and well-respected sex toy company, Lelo. The Lelo Sona is powerful and also has a feature they are building into all of their product lines, the Cruise feature. Cruise essentially saves some of the power of the device for when you are close to orgasm and you start to press your vibrator or the Sona clit stimulator harder against your clit. Some devices can lose power when they are pressed harder against you, so it’s a differentiating little feature

To us though, the clit stimulator is for the bedroom (or the bathtub!), but if having a sexy-looking sex toy is important to you, the Lelo Sona may be the best clit stimulator for you!

If you’re looking for clit vibrators, you’ll want to check out our post on the best clit vibrators!

Best Sexy Costumes on Amazon to Excite your Sex Life!

best sexy costumes
best sexy costumes

You’ve been married for years and you’ve started to expect what’s coming during your regularly scheduled sex.  What should you do?  Maybe spice it up with some costumes!  We’ve scoured the internet and found the best sexy costumes on Amazon for you! Is it wrong to have sex fantasies in your marriage? In our opinion, if they don’t cross your pre-established boundaries in your marriage, then go for it!

Sexy Costume Ideas for Women

Let’s start with our favorite costumes you would wear in the bedroom!  These are the best sexy costumes we’ve found for spicing up your sex life.

The classic sexy nurse costume is a sure winner! Play patient and help take care of those sensitive areas. Some ailments may need some “special medicine!”

The sexy maid is a must for any bedroom! You can even wear this one around the house! Make sure your rear is especially perky when cleaning down low!

What guy hasn’t dreamed about that sexy girl in school? Make his fantasy come true with this sexy schoolgirl costume!

Someone has been a bad boy! Find some handcuffs to go with this sexy policewoman costume!

Sexy Costume Ideas for Men

Look out guys! The costumes aren’t just for the ladies! Even though these costumes may get more laughs than “ooh baby”s, funny is also important in the bedroom!

This sexy policeman is straight from Reno 911! If your girl does the crime, she should do the “sexy time!”

Into Ancient Egypt? Who isn’t? Let her serve the Pharaoh when you’re wearing this sexy Egyptian costume!

Grab your “Bag & Pipe” for this costume!

Sexy Halloween Costume Ideas

Why the separate section? Some costumes you may want to be sexy but not too sexy that you can’t wear them out to a Halloween party before bringing the spice back to the bedroom at home. Below are our favorites for Halloween!

Sexy Halloween Costumes for Women

For those ladies who don’t know, Harley Quinn is the sexy anti-hero from Suicide Squad. You’ll be dressed to impress in this sexy Halloween costume.

Dress up as a Sexy Stormtrooper for the nerd in your life!

Sexy Halloween Costumes for Men

Sexy stormtroopers can be guys too. You’ll have to be sexy on the inside in this fully-covering costume, though!

Keep the streets safe when dressed up as Oliver Queen from Arrow! Or Robin Hood, I think this one could go either way.

6 Tips for Great Sex in Marriage!

Great sex in marriage

Consistently looking for ways to improve sex is a must for any healthy marriage!  Below are our tips on how to have great sex in marriage.

A great relationship leads to great sex in marriage!

In order to make sure your marriage is healthy and strong, set aside time and protect it from other obligations including work and extended family activities. This means going down to bare bones in order to make time for the important stuff. You’re married, with kids and have a job. You love your wife/husband and enjoy their companionship, are engaged with your kids when you’re not at work, and go to work because hopefully you enjoy it and are good at it, but also because it provides a nice living wage for your family, and then you go back to your happy home. Life stressors like raising kids and managing how to best position your family for helping out aging parents is enough on your plate.

Tips for a great relationship, leading to good married sex

Evenings should be reserved for connecting with your spouse!  To have great sex in marriage, set that time apart and prepare for it throughout the day, mentally and physically.

Our friends at the American Psychological Association posted a nice short article on the nine psychological ‘tasks’ of marriage. Please review at your leisure and maybe ask your spouse how he/she thinks you two are doing. Conversing is a nice way to bond, before making whoopie!

Research on what makes a marriage work shows that people in a good marriage have completed these psychological “tasks”:

  • Separate emotionally from the family you grew up in; not to the point of estrangement, but enough so that your identity is separate from that of your parents and siblings.
  • Build togetherness based on a shared intimacy and identity, while at the same time set boundaries to protect each partner’s autonomy.
  • Establish a rich and pleasurable sexual relationship and protect it from the intrusions of the workplace and family obligations.
  • For couples with children, embrace the daunting roles of parenthood and absorb the impact of a baby’s entrance into the marriage. Learn to continue the work of protecting the privacy of you and your spouse as a couple.
  • Confront and master the inevitable crises of life.
  • Maintain the strength of the marital bond in the face of adversity. The marriage should be a safe haven in which partners are able to express their differences, anger and conflict.
  • Use humor and laughter to keep things in perspective and to avoid boredom and isolation.
  • Nurture and comfort each other, satisfying each partner’s needs for dependency and offering continuing encouragement and support.
  • Keep alive the early romantic, idealized images of falling in love, while facing the sober realities of the changes wrought by time.

Thanks to Judith S. Wallerstein, PhD, co-author of the book “The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts.”

Next step to great sex in marriage: constantly keep it exciting!

This article is supposed to be about how to have great sex in marriage though, right?  Yes, and that begins with a great relationship, spending quality family time together, and focusing on nurturing each other’s feelings.  However, you also need to keep it new and exciting in the bedroom!  How?  Let’s review some of the tips from the section above and put them into the context of sex in married life.  These will be our…

Married Sex Tips!

  1. Separate a space for sex.  You spend your days chasing children, changing diapers, checking homework, etc.  You should keep those activities separate from the area in your house you typically have sex in.  That space should be dedicated to sex with your spouse.
  2. Separate a time for sex. Make a conscious effort to set aside a specific time where you will have energy and a sufficient amount of time to put all your attention into great sex for your marriage.
  3. Start with an intimacy mindset.  It’s not just about the sex.  Get close.  Make out and dry hump like you were dating again.  Turn on some music that you listened to while you were dating.  Sex in your marriage will be much better when you focus on being close.
  4. Keep sex fun!  It shouldn’t be your weekly Saturday sex.  Spontaneous sex is great!  Wear a funny costume one time and try a little to act the part!
  5. Do new things!  To have great sex in marriage, you can’t fall into a rut in your sex, even if you find a position where you always climax easily.  Keep it new!  If your spouse suggests something new, just go with it, as long as it doesn’t cross pre-established boundaries.
  6. Augment your married sex! We aren’t big fans of the term “sex toys”, but that’s the standard vernacular today, so we’ll go with it.  Don’t be shy about bring some sex toys into the bedroom.  A dildo is not a replacement for your penis!  A clit vibrator or one our our picks for the best clit stimulator will make you more likely to have sex more often because your wife is more likely to orgasm!

Brainstorm a little!  Set the atmosphere and have some great sex in marriage today!

Fantasy: imagine the occurrence of, fantasize about.

Fantasy: imagine the occurrence of, fantasize about.

FANTASY: imagine the occurrence of, fantasize about.

So you’ve been home alone for four days this week and hubby has been traveling for three weeks back to back and oops… A man that resembles a half naked Freddie Prinze Jr pops into your mind while the kids are at school and you are folding laundry. Hmm.. what’s he doing in here you wonder.  You haven’t seen him around that space since 9th grade when She’s All That came out. You remember him looking good, but never this good before. He smiles at you and waves. He begins singing to you like Ewan McGregor in Moulin Rouge, and you kind of like it. Your Song.? How does he know that’s one of your favorites? You’re getting a little excited. You’re ovulating, and feeling friskier than ever.

This is so not like you. You’re a moral person. You are happily married to your spouse of X amount of years… but he continues. He leans down and he sweetly kisses you on the forehead. Adorable. Next, he looks you in the eyes, pulls you close to his body, and then slowly lifts you against his. Feeling his strong body against your petite frame has never felt so good. You do notice on the way up that he has an erection, and you likey. A little condensation forms on your granny panties. Had you known he was going to show up you would have put on something a bit sexier, but you stay in the moment.

His hand now on your derriere. Completely doting on you and you on him. You can see it in his eyes and you are loving it. And you completely enthralled by him too. He lays you on your bed and starts undressing you. He takes his time giving you little kisses along your panty line before taking them off completely… Occasionally between inner thigh kisses, he glances up at you with passion in his eyes. He knows the anticipation is driving you nuts. He  moves up toward your face again. What a tease he turns out to be. He begins softly whispering E.E. Cummings erotic poetry into your ear. You’re blushing. A little P & V action happens soon after. 

 What’s With These Fantasies and What Do I Do With These Thoughts?

  • You may acknowledge these thoughts as they are. Yep, those are fantasies. Nonjudgmental stance- it’s just a thought. Imagery and words coming into your head space. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything.
  • Maybe you decide you’re going to redirect that thought a bit and make it a better, a more pure version of the original. Hey, that’s not my hubby in that mental picture/thought. You edit Freddie Prinze Jr out and replace him with your spouse. Yeah, that’s better and more inline with your values and commitment. You do love your spouse, and he is your hottie! Discard, the not your husband, but keep the healthy fantasy part.

Note: You are not a horrible person if the thought of another person has popped into your head a few times over the course of your marriage. It can happen to the best of us, but it probably does matter what you do with those thoughts of another person. Don’t let the thought of the other person linger and take root in your mind. It’s not beneficial to your spouse and marriage. Discipline your mind and actions in order to guard your marriage bed. Evaluate if these thoughts come up more as a result of not being as sexually and emotionally connected to your spouse as you feel you need to be. Maybe even share with a close personal friend that you trust, and ask that they hold you accountable if  you it feel its needed. 

  • Disclose it to your spouse, and be careful in how you share. In confessing, you might say, hey honey bunny, “I’m feeling extra horny today and you’re not here. We’ve had some time apart. I’m in heat currently, and I had a little fantasy pop into my mind today. I’m wishing you were here for that. Yep, can we talk about that for a minute. Okay good, so I know you’re this highly intelligent, very disciplined man. Stellar athlete. You are kind and loving. Very business savvy. You’re a hottie with a body and an amazing father. I adore you. Then you get back to the point of the conversation. Next you say we both know you’re not a musician or a poet. You suggest that maybe the two of you explore that “fantasy world” some time. Those characteristics are kind of sexy and it’s just a small little fantasy. Nothing weird, degrading or demeaning EVER. You ask if he’s willing to be that hot musician or poet for just one night? The song/poetry doesn’t have to be original, he can copy and paste.   
  • Make the fantasy a reality. Listen to what the fantasy is actually about. In the above example, noting the more pure version [only your husband], it’s about a hot body and good looks.  It’s about passion and anticipation again. Slowly taking your time to arouse her. It’s about taking time to notice her love of music and lyrics. You’ve taken note of a couple of her favorite songs.. Sometimes she’s feeling a little bit country, mo town, R&B, or whatever. You can be styled to look the part.  Think an outfit like Brad Paisley or Mat Kearney. Normally you dress in business casual, but tonight’s going to be different. Singing to your wife is almost always going to be very sweet and sexy. She finds the creative process behind lyric writing to be intriguing? The same goes for writing poetic language. Each year you revisit this fantasy with different ideas:  
  1. Think of what mood you’re trying to set and chose an appropriate song to duplicate. You can start by simply putting a record on and singing along with the recording.
  2. Maybe you take some vocal lessons or learn a little piano or guitar. Show off for her sometime.  A little Van Morrison’s Crazy Love.
  3. You have more time to take a songwriting or poetry class, either solo or together. You share some of your creative writing.
  4. On an anniversary, you take her on that trip to Nashville. You get up on stage and with confidence belt out some current country songs. She scoots along on the dance floor admiring you from away. She’s taking in the image of her dream man up on stage. 
  5. Buy the E.E. Cummings Erotic Poetry book . It’s only 8.99 on Amazon. We haven’t read the entire thing, just parts. Dedicate time to memorizing parts of it and recite it. 

A Holiday Escape: The Biltmore Estate

A Holiday Escape: The Biltmore Estate

A Holiday Escape: The Biltmore Estate

Picture a gorgeous estate setting nestled among the mountains. 8,000 acres to stroll through with your loved one(s). Activities that can include carriage rides, hiking, and horseback riding. Beautiful gardens to experience, a charming village filled with world class restaurants, handcrafted beers and wines to sip on, shopping and exhibits to explore. The most elegant home ever, where the Vanderbilt’s lived. Indulge in a fantasy world, pretend to be royalty visiting this grand estate, even if just for a weekend.

Making The Most of Your Holiday Escape: The Biltmore Estate

Friday is spent traveling to the estate and then strolling through the many acres surrounding this stunning home, taking amazing photos with the majestic mountains as your backdrop, and dining casually  for a late morning brunch.

Knowing your wife and her love of impromptu teaching moments you begin to teach. You wow everyone when you provide an abundant amount of knowledge on the Vanderbilt’s and the estate as you walk the grounds. You talk with your kids about the Vanderbilt family legacy, the history behind the estate, and their philanthropy efforts. You also mention how the Vanderbilt’s provided many job opportunities employing architects, highly skilled trades workers and landscapers in order to create this masterpiece. They commissioned many artists to create elaborate tapestries and portraits to add the finishing touches. They were also known for making generous donations to charitable causes. You explain how the Vanderbilt’s taught their children the importance of purchasing natural resources, like land as a long-term investment strategy. Later on, you mention that the Vanderbilt family members were able sell a portion of their land to the U.S. National Forest Service so others could forever experience these beautiful protected mountains and lands. What a legacy. These are just a few examples of some of the history behind this amazing family and estate.

You use this trip as a fun, but also educational opportunity to start instilling philanthropy and business ideas into their your children’s minds. How can we use what we have to help others out you ask? What little artistic entrepreneurial business ideas can you think of? Just a couple of questions you begin to ask, and maybe even start up once you go back home. You know those winter months are long and you’ll need activities to keep little hands and minds busy.

Friday afternoon you get your little people dressed up in their Christmas time jammies and head up to Bryson City, NC to take a ride on THE POLAR EXPRESS! Make sure you don’t forget your tablet You’ve downloaded the movie to watch on the hour long drive to the train station. 

Saturday starts off with a relaxed breakfast at McDonald’s. You go cheap here so you can go all out for dinner. Next up,  garden exploration once you make it back to the estate.  You begin to teach the kids how to classify and categorize the different plants. With the younger one you are asking which colors he sees on the plants. So much fun learning!

Next up tea time for your little princess and lovely Queen. They talk about Grandmother’s English heritage while having girly girl time. Guy time for the King of the Castle and his little prince, so you grab lunch with the little guy. After the two of you walk over to grab a couple of those delectable caramel chocolates you know your wifey will savor later on. She’ll be pleasantly surprised once kiddos are asleep. Good planning you remark to yourself. Bonus points. Yeah, I’m da man.

Then the family gathers together again for a short but delightful carriage ride around the estate before walking over to dinner. You’ve planned and saved for a fancy dinner at one of the many world class restaurants that’s offered in the Antler Village. We recommend the Village Social or the Deer Park restaurant. Amazing service with a wonderful old world ambiance. Great food and wine/beer too!

Following dinner you head back to the Biltmore Estate where you take in the beauty of this home completely decked out for the Christmas Christmas Candlelight tour. Truly stunning! That reminds you of how stunning your wife is looking tonight too. Gosh… “Honey, you are looking stunning tonight,” you say. She smiles, you smile. You and your wife have always appreciated intricate woodworking, elaborate tapestries, fancy Christmas trees and decorations, and this home has it all in abundance! What a sight too for the little people to take in! Wonder and joy fill their little eyes.

Oh and then another great impromptu teaching moment arrives as you get on the elevator. The elevator and it’s history. A good way to introduce some engineering concepts and Mr. Otis, the great American industrialist. Another thing to talk about on the way home, patents and their importance for all the inventions you’ll imagine together. You remembered to pack a couple of books for your little ones to read on the way home that go with this idea. Let’s not forget those at bedtime, you remind yourself.   

The kids are completely worn out from a day of exploring so you head back to the The Grand Bohemian Hotel just outside the estate. You know your wife loves the charming and rustic feel of this hotel. And then there’s the artwork within its walls. Maybe you’ll start a little art collection of your own just like the Vanderbilt family you imagine. This hotel is her favorite and reminiscent of a little European Market at Christmas time. You talk of plans to go to Europe for their Christmas markets once the children are much older. It’ll be a meaningful trip because of her family’s ancestry and roots there. What a time dreaming up even more amazing adventures you’ll take together in the years to come. Things will never get boring, you promise to each other!

You get the munchkins to bed on that pull out bed before heading to the gorgeous bathroom. The kids are asleep so now you can a draw a relaxing bath for you and your bride to enjoy behind closed doors. You remember those caramel chocolates in your coat pocket and set them next to the bubbly bubble bath. While wifey freshens up you make a little love nest on the bathroom floor.  This hotel is quality so of course it has only the most luxurious of bedding to place on the ground. Boys to Men starts playing on your phone, setting the mood, and naturally you begin to make hot passionate love for an entire sixty minutes of marital bliss! Gosh, when was the last time you actually enjoyed sixty full minutes of lovemaking? What a magnificent way to end a fabulous escapee, and kick-off a great holiday season!

 

Dealing With The Silent Treatment: Insight and a Scenario

Dealing With The Silent Treatment: Insight and a Scenario

Lessons on dealing with the silent treatment: Music Musing: Cold by Maroon 5

The lyrics below are from Cold by Maroon 5….

 

Are we taking time or a timeout?

I can’t take the in between

Asking me for space here in my house

You know how to fuck with me

Acting like we’re not together

After everything that we’ve been through

Sleeping up under the covers

How am I so far away from you?

Distant when we’re kissing

Feel so different

Baby tell me how did you get so

Cold enough to chill my bones

It feels like I don’t know you anymore

I don’t understand why you’re so cold to me

With every breath you breathe

I see there’s something going on

I don’t understand why you’re so cold, yeah

 

Thanks Adam Levine and crew for taking the time to write and sing a song that many people can relate to. Husbands often report experiencing the cold shoulder tactic. It is frustrating, we know. So if you’re left wondering why your lady is doing this and what you can do about it, we are here to try to help ya out.

So what is being cold or giving someone the cold shoulder you ask? Well, it’s deliberately ignoring someone. The person acting in a cold manner withdraws from the relationship and/or intentionally takes away something her spouse wants, her attention. Ladies often do this when they are upset with their spouse, and they are waiting for their husband to recognize they have been hurt by something he has or has not done.

The Cold Shoulder Treatment: A Scenario

Julie and Mark make plans to attend their youngest child’s soccer game together on Saturday afternoon. Julie is looking forward to it because Mark has had some work travel and time away from the family. She normally doesn’t mind Mark’s work travel, but her dad just found out he has to have additional medical testing done after some preliminary results came back positive. Julie is upset because her dad may have an serious medical concern and Mark has been unavailable to talk to her about it. Then Mark’s buddy calls him up and offers him tickets to the MLS that happens to be at the same time as their youngest son’s soccer game on Saturday. Mark tells Julie, “Hey, honey, so and so offered for me to go with him to the MLS game on Saturday. I  told him I could so it’s on you to attend the game on Saturday. Oh and don’t forget it’s our week to bring snacks and a drink.”

So Julie gives Mark the glaring eye and leaves the room. She refuses to speak to him for the next two nights. Any time he tries to get her to talk, she just turns on walks away. The ladies reading this are thinking, how does Mark not know what he has done wrong her?? The guys reading this are thinking, how is Mark suppose to know what he has done wrong if Julie doesn’t tell him.

Problem Solving: Why is she giving me the cold shoulder?

Why does Julie give Mark the cold shoulder her? She is wanting Mark to recognize he’s done some perceived wrong or has hurt her somehow. When Mark notices her being beginning to act cold, he’s going to recognize the behavior by verbally saying, “Hey, I can see that you’re upset, and that’s why you’re withdrawing right now. I’m sorry.” Mark doesn’t have the slightest idea yet why he is apologizing, but that’s the first step. He recognizes her behavior as being cold and without putting blame on her, he just states he can see she is upset and he’s sorry.

Next, you’re going to ask her to help you out. You don’t want her upset. You love her and you want her to help define the problem so together you can think of solutions.

She will love if you are able to analyze the past couple of days and take note of things going well up until a certain point. So if you are Mark you may have noticed she was warm until you mentioned going to the MLS game instead of the kid’s soccer game. You start here…

“Honey bunny, I noticed you seemed upset after I mentioned going to the game with so and so? Normally, you’re cool with that sort of thing. Was it that or was there something else?” questions Mark.  Good job, Mark!  You’re on your way to figuring out why you’re getting the cold shoulder.

Let him out of the dog house… vulnerability is healthy!

Julie, “Yeah, Mark I’m upset because we had planned to go to our son’s game together on Saturday.” Julie throws up her hands and shakes her head. He begins to see her tear up. Now she feels cared for because he noticed her being upset so she can begin to show her real emotions.

Mark asks for more, “So you’re upset because we aren’t going to the game together on Saturday? So and so did offer tickets. I haven’t seen him in a few months and we’re going to talk about a potential client while there. Maybe I should have asked you first. I know I’ve had a bit of travel lately.”

Julie still gives short responses, “Yeah you should have. I haven’t even been able to talk to you.” She begins to cry.

He thinks of when her menstrual cycle should begin. Nope not this week, so he continues to listen. There must be more going on. “Julie, what else is going on?”

Critical thinking moment: Mark knows that Julie isn’t the type to engage in “silent treatment manipulation” or using the cold shoulder to get what she wants.  His intuition also lets him know that this seems a little more than just being upset about the soccer game.  Thinking like this about your spouse and understanding their behavior can be very helpful in a relationship. It can also help you when dealing with the silent treatment so you can analyze what’s going on.

Dealing with the silent treatment: Patience, empathy, and listening

“My dad got his preliminary test results back and now they need to send him for more. It doesn’t sound very good. I’m just upset about that. Plus, we haven’t been able to talk about it. The kids have been busy with school and sports. I was really looking forward to the car ride with you. That would have been our only real time to talk over the last couple of weeks. I’m feeling disappointed and yes, I wish you would have asked me first,” Julie explains.

“Thanks for explaining that,” Mark states. “Now it makes sense to me why you were ignoring me. You were feeling hurt. How about  I call so and so and tell him I can’t go on Saturday. I want to go with you because that’s what I said I would do. We do need that time together because things have been busy.”

Julie says, “Thank you. And if you need to reschedule something with so and so to talk about that client how about next Tuesday when you’ve been home and while I’m talking so and so to practice?”

   Guys just recognize the behavior, and think through dealing with the silent treatment.  Then draw out of her what’s really going on. Hopefully you now understand a little bit more of why women act cold, how to recognize it, and what to do to communicate effectively so your relationships gets back to normal as soon as possible.  You love one another, learn effective communication!

Our Gift Guide for Her this Christmas

Our Gift Guide for Her this Christmas

Our Gift Guide for Your Her this Christmas

    • Personalized Christmas Ornament from Pottery Barn -$8.50  Add a favorite family photo memory from this past year. Small annual contribution like these really pay off over the long haul. The return on the investment is great 20 years from now when the kids have moved out.
    • Create an at Home Spa Package filled with items she’ll love and will use more than once, but will still leave you with money to fund the kids’ 529 plans.
      • Luxurious Bubble Bath -$38
      • Velour Bath Robe with Sherpa Trim– $90-130
      • Sleeping Mask- $40
    • Buy the New York Times Best Seller, Bad Feminist. $10. You know her favorite place for some intellectual stimulation is in the bathtub.

Vulnerability in Marriage

Vulnerability in Marriage

Pornography is a topic that gets talked about a lot in some circles. Apparently there has been a steep increase in the use of pornographic material. Husbands are being tempted to use this as a replacement instead of going to their wives for sexual connection and having that need met there.

After reading about this I couldn’t help but wonder why individuals aren’t discussing what’s at the root cause of this? So some husbands are looking at pornography, okay. So that’s the symptom telling me that something else is going on in the man’s heart or is going on in that marriage relationship that needs a remedy.

A wise person once talked about couples coming together regularly as being a good indicator that those marriages were probably strong and healthy. If couples are coming together regularly for sexual connection, then other areas (emotional, spiritual, intellectual) of their marriage are probably strong and healthy too.

But for those who are experiencing some symptoms, what’s going on in the relationship that needs to be addressed and healed?

Here are two examples:

Scenario One

Life Got Busy and Physical Intimacy Got Placed On The Back Burner. 

Guys, most women are reasonable if you speak to their logical mind.

If you said, “Hey I’m feeling tempted in this area because we’re not getting it on regularly, what can we do about this? Do you need more sleep? How can I help love on you more? I want you and only you, because you’re my smokin’ hot wife.” She’s likely to appreciate your vulnerability AND be prepared, she may come back with, “Thanks for being honest. I would be more in the mood if “x” happened more often. What can we do about it?”

So this opens up the conversation in a pretty healthy and respectful way.

Listen and repeat back. 

Husbands – acknowledge your wife’s feelings and repeat back to her what she needs from you. That lets her know you’re actually taking in what’s she’s saying. She’s likely to mirror that back to you, acknowledging how you’re feeling and expressing she gets what you need from her.

Together think of win win solutions.

Set goals together. Two times a week she’ll get x from you, two times a week she’ll invite you into being sexually intimate. Everyone wins and walks away feeling heard and like they’re getting the best out of the deal.

Scenario Two:

He’s Been Emasculated.

Husband feels emasculated by his wife. She compares him negatively to other men or treats him in a way that makes him feel as though he’ll never be good enough. Or maybe this wife never acknowledges that her husband is right, which over time cuts him down. This habit over time leads to him turning to pornography because at least the fake girl in the video makes him feel good about himself temporarily.

Owning Feelings and Labeling Behavior.

The husband needs to bring this up to his wife in a way that labels her behavior, and let’s her know how her behavior is impacting him negatively. Hopefully she’ll receive this constructive criticism, start acknowledging where she was wrong and starts working to improve their relationship. If you’re husband is being vulnerable ladies, please pay attention. He is trying to tell you something is not right here and it needs to get fixed before things get worse.

These are just two examples, personalize it to fit your specific scenario.

And just a reminder men, your wife’s sexual libido is highly dependent on your pursuit of her. We ladies are designed to respond to your display of love for us. You lead here and we respond! Ladies, build up your husband and let him know you desire him physically as well.

 

 

Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day

Hey guys… It’s Valentine’s Day!

Even when your lady says she doesn’t really celebrate this holiday, she doesn’t really mean it. Plan something to acknowledge this day. Yes, I know it doesn’t make sense when she sends you conflicting messages 🙂 You think like Spock, she thinks like a girl. The sooner you begin appreciating this difference, the better off your relationship will be 🙂

Suprise her by drawing a bath, set some chocolates or whatever her favorite special treat is near the tub, turn on some sexy time invoking music, place some lit candles near the bubble bath. Go all out 🙂 Maybe hold each other while in the water, taking time caressing each other slowly. After you’re finished there, remind her you’ve been wanting to massage her gorgeous body. Get some coconut oil (the newest In organic skin care) and give her a sensual massage while music plays softly in the background. See where things go from here…

Or just be cool with her falling asleep early. Whatever way you can best show your wife you love her.

Sometimes it’s the little things that help turn her on 🙂