Why Use a Butt Plug??

Why Use a Butt Plug??

This article is intended to introduce one type of sex toy that may significantly enhance your sex life: the butt plug. We realize this product needs a better name if it’s to appeal to women. Butt + Plug does not equate to romantic sexy time in my mind. The anus is not a flat tire that needs a plug in it! Unlike a tire losing air and in need of a plug, poop is supposed to flow out of the anus, not be kept in with a plug! The marketing and design are all wrong for this product. But we digress… So far on Women and Sexuality, we have steered clear of the butt.  Until now, we just had not found the right anal play resources, products, and guidance to provide.  However, as ladies and couples become more interested in expanding their sex live, providing guidance on the butt and how to safely use a butt plug and other anal products is important.

There is a clear interest in the anal region for legitimate reasons, so let’s explore the reasons from a nonjudgmental mind here.  The anus and other internal areas can provide a significant amount of sexual pleasure. The anus is an erogenous zone. For some reason your anus was designed with the functionality of sexual stimulation when explored carefully and with caution. However, you should not just jump right to having anal sex or you will likely never try it again (based on what we’ve heard).  You need to have some practice and do some preparation first and also determine if you even enjoy it. Let’s explore it responsibly and bring some spice to our sexual relationships.

A good way to practice is to first try out using a small butt plug (Did we mention we hate this description?).  Butt plugs will also help you understand whether or not you enjoy the feeling of anal stimulation.

How do I use a butt plug?

how to use a butt plug - pink plugBut what are butt plugs, who uses them, and why!?  The butt plug, as the name suggests is a sex toy that is inserted anally.  Both men and women use butt plugs alike! They come in a range of shapes and sizes but all should have a flared base or arms at the base to prevent the toy from being lost up the rectal passage.  Yes that can happen! Always be careful when using any anal equipment!

This sexual stimulation tool, once inserted, in and of itself won’t create much by the way of stimulation unless it is a vibrating butt plug. Vibrating butt plugs can deliver a thoroughly enjoyable stimulation.  This is true particularly for men because they massage their P-spots (the prostate gland) as they vibrate. For women, they place pressure against the back vaginal wall and so make the space in the vagina less expansive.  This can make vaginal penetration more pleasurable both for the woman and the man penetrating her as the vagina feels tighter. The real value of a butt plug is felt on climaxing as orgasming with a butt plug inserted heightens the strength of the orgasm.  For this reason, butt plugs can be enjoyed by men and women, solo or as a couple.


Why are butt plugs used? An illustrative video

Below is a great informational video that our friends at Carvaka Sex Toys produced.  It provides a good amount of information about what butt plugs are, why people use them, how to use a butt plug, and how they help heighten the sexual experience. It is also important to us here at Women and Sexuality that any images or video on the site do not have any graphic images. Thankfully, the video below only uses illustrations! Thanks again to Carvaka for producing the video. We hope you find it as interesting and helpful as we did!


If a poop covered plug is not something your significant other is interested in, please be cool with that.  He/She may have no desire for a close-up on his/her spouse’s anus and/or easily grossed out by bodily fluids. This sexual stimulation tool is not for everyone.

Remember, good relationships and a good sex life is about good communication and respecting each other’s boundaries.

What butt plug should I get?

Okay, we’re interested. What’s a good one for beginners? Here are a couple that we would recommend, from manufacturers we trust. Don’t just get the least expensive plug out there on Amazon!

Is Coconut Oil Safe for your Vagina?

Is coconut oil safe for your vagina?

We’ve heard many things about using coconut oil as lube over the last couple of years.  The coconut oil lube conversation really blew up when two threads it caught a lot of traction on Reddit  (this one and this one).  We’ve even written an article about why coconut oil is the best lube for both massage and sex.  But I wanted to write another article for those who wanted to explore specifically whether or not coconut oil is safe for your vagina.

coconut oil safe vagina 1Also, there is another purpose for this article.  It’s not good enough to know that coconut oil is safe for your vagina, but we should be excited about using it!  That’s why the latter section of this article will explore the advantages and wonderful possibilities of using coconut oil on a regular basis.

1. Is coconut oil safe?

For this question, I’ve decided to take a survey of all the literature available on the subject, plus augment it with personal experience.  For starters, I have used coconut oil on a regular basis for many things.  It is wonderful as a skin moisturizer.  Especially in the winter, my skin gets really dry.  I had been using several expensive lotions such as the thicker Eucerin variants and others.  They didn’t seem to be working all that well.  So I had heard that coconut oil was a great moisturizer, and decided to give it a try.  I would use it all over my body and then apply a smaller amount of the thicker lotion on top.  This really seemed to work wonders and I have never had an adverse reaction.

Also, my husband and I had started to use coconut oil as both massage oil and sex lube.  It’s amazing for both.  There are several products marketed as massage oils that mix several types of natural oils.  We have tried these also and not been impressed.  The simple coconut oil was better and much less expensive than all of these.  The ability to use the same thing for a wonderful massage and not have to switch to something else when starting to have sex is really wonderful.

2. What do the professionals say?

Unfortunately, there are no studies about coconut oil use on vaginas out there in the medical journals that are peer reviewed and published by professional researchers.  Apparently there’s just not as much money in sex product research for some reason.  So we need to resort to more anecdotal information from various sources:

  1. Huffingtom Post writer, Pamela Madsen, writes here that you should use coconut oil on a regular basis on your whole vulva.  After wiping when you go to the bathroom, use a bit of coconut oil to soften up and moisturize your outer and inner labia.  Wonderful advice here, Pamela!  I’ve started doing this and I have noticed a significant difference.  I used to have some dry areas where I wipe regularly, but since using it at least once daily – no more!
  2. Women’s Health quotes Jennifer Landa, M.D., Chief Medical Officer of BodyLogicMD as saying that coconut oil is great for your vagina, it can help with yeast infections, and it lasts longer than water-based lubes.  If you’re not allergic, go for it.  Just not with a latex condom.  The oil could make the condom more likely to break.
  3. SELF quoted two doctors here. First, “Lubricant can be medicinal, but it can also be pleasure-enhancing,” Alyssa Dweck, M.D., assistant clinical professor of obstetrics at Mount Sinai School of Medicine.  Also, “I’m a big fan of coconut oil as a lubricant for women,” says ob/gyn Sherry Ross, M.D.  “I probably recommend it more in menopausal women because it has staying power in the vagina, which is good for dryness.”
  4. From Natural News, “Coconut oil is the best oil to use if you opt to use one vaginally and it is actually a great way to treat yeast infections as it contains caprylic acid. Specifically, it has been shown to be quite effective in combating Candida strains.”  Most of this article is spent saying that if you’re going to use an oil lube, go with coconut oil, but otherwise they recommend water-based lubes such as Astroglide, which we also enjoy occasionally.  The issue with Astroglide is it’s not good for body massage and it is more expensive in larger amounts than coconut oil.
  5. From this post on Bustle.com, Dr. Raquel Dardik, Associate Professor Gynecology at NYU Langone Medical Center was quoted as saying that you should not use tea tree oil on your vagina because it does not have a neutral pH level, unlike coconut oil.  This isn’t a solid thumbs up for coconut oil, but it’s more of a “well if you’re going to use any type of oil, make sure it has a neutral pH.”

That’s all we’ll quote for now, but as you can see, the professionals so far are mostly on board as saying that coconut oil is safe for your vagina or even beneficial.  We haven’t found any actual evidence of any adverse affects.  All of the stories and testimony so far is that it is wonderful for your sexual health.

So Why use it?

coconut oil safe vagina 2Well, as we alluded to above, one key usage of coconut oil is as an external moisturizer for your whole vulva.  Rubbing it all around your inner and outer lips, clitoris, and surrounding areas is pretty wonderful.  It helps to moisturize your lady parts in a way that I would not ever trust a lotion.  Also, who doesn’t like to have a little mid-day self massage, even if it’s not intended to take to a climax?

We’ve already talked about the obvious uses where coconut oil helps with a great relaxing massage.  It can also be used for internal lubrication.  But have you considered coconut oil for a penis massage?  All of this conversation so far has been using coconut oil for your vagina.  It’s also wonderful and safe for massaging on a penis.  A dry “hand job” is one thing, but a lubricated penis massage takes it to a whole new level!

Finally, if you’re anticipating that you might get lucky later, doing a little pre-lubrication earlier in the day or on a consistent basis helps make sure you’re ready for the big event!

Which one should I buy?

Only buy the “virgin” or “extra virgin” coconut oil.  Do not buy the fractionated versions, even though these stay a liquid at room temperature.  The fractionated version is generally thought to be not as safe as the virgin.  Here are the two that we have purchased a few times from Amazon with no adverse effects.  I have been refilling the smaller bottles with the larger one.

Best Clitoral Vibrator: Our Top 5 Clit Vibrators!

What Clitoral Vibrator should I buy???

You’ve come to the right place.  Over the last few weeks we’ve gone on an adventure of trying to find the best clitoral vibrator on the market.  We didn’t try any of the cheapo vibrators you’ll find on Amazon because we have a minimum standard of quality.  We also only trust our lady parts (and yours!) to products that are guaranteed to not have any chemicals that may cause irritation or an allergic reaction.  However, that doesn’t mean we only reviewed expensive products!  In fact, our top clitoral vibrator is less than $50.  Interested in learning more?

Below we’ve provided a summary of the clitoral vibrators we reviewed. Eventually we will do detailed reviews for each.  With that, may we present…

The Overall Best Clitoral Vibrator: The We-Vibe Tango!

We-vibe Tango
The We-Vibe Tango has been our favorite clitoral vibrator for a long time.  Simply put, it’s just the most power-packed vibrator out there.  It puts the vibration to the max right where you want it.  Here are the things we love about the We-Vibe Tango:

It’s not crazy expensive!

Since when did we have to shell out $100 for a good time?  I don’t want to have to decide whether to have “legs squeezing together” orgasm that leaves my clit too sensitive to even wear underwear or whether I should buy groceries.  For the We-Vibe Tango though, if it came to that, I think I would eat package ramen for a week.  But the best thing here is that you can pick this up right around $50!  Really, in a market packed with expensive sex toys, this really stands out in terms of pleasure and value.

It’s the most powerful!

Let’s face it: sometimes you need to bring the speed.  You’re tired from the week and you just want to fall asleep after a quick 5-minute clitoral stimulation session.  Somehow We-Vibe managed to pack the most powerful clitoral vibrator into a small package that efficiently delivers right where you want it.

It’s dual-purpose!

The We-Vibe is actually a small insertable sex toy that packs a punch inside and out.  Even though this is a review focused on clitoral vibrators, an insertable vibrator won top prize.  Who knew that was possible?  We actually like that it has a longer handle because sometimes not having a hand in the way allows for some better penetration.


The Best Clitoral Vibrator for Stimulaton: The Womanizer Pro!

Womanizer Pro

The Womanizer Pro is a newer clitoral stimulator that we just had the great pleasure of experiencing for the first time.  It’s not technically a clitoral vibrator at all – it’s actually intended to be a sort of simulator for oral sex.  But there’s no oral sex that anyone has given that’s like what the Womanizer does!  This clitoral stimulator actually uses air to provide alternating pressure amounts to the clitoris, which causes an amazing feeling without anything actually pressing directly on the clitoris.  It’s pretty amazing and genius.  In a time where there are so many different types of vibrators on the market, this is a truly different approach.  It’s already being copied by other knock off’s.

It’s pretty expensive!

However, as you’ve probably already noticed, the Womanizer Pro is pretty expensive.  It used to be over $200, but since the Womanizer Pro40 came out at a lower price point with basically the same features, it put downward pressure on the price of the original Pro W400 model.  So even though it’s “only” around $124 at the time of this writing, it’s still about three times as expensive as the We-Vibe Tango.  The Womanizer is good.  But three times as good?  Probably not.

But it’s completely new!

If you already have a couple “normal” vibrators and want something new, the Womanizer Pro will add some excitement to your sex life!  It’s a brand new feeling, which doesn’t come along very often in sex!

Use some lube

Recommendation: This works SO much better if you have a little lube.  Try just a little coconut oil right on your clitoris and just move the head around slightly once you find your sweet spot.  You’ll have an unbelievable climax in no time!!!

Another Excellent option for a Clitoral Vibrator: The Womanizer Pro40!

Womanizer Pro40
The Womanizer Pro40 is essentially the same idea as the original Womanizer Pro W400.  It still has the same revolutionary stimulation technique, but the delivery method is different.  Previously I would have written that the Pro40 is significantly less expensive than the original.  However, as of this writing, they’re about the same price on Amazon.

Differences from the original

The Womanizer Pro40 is a nicer, smaller form than the original model.  I have small hands, so this fits very nicely in my hand and is more comfortable to use.  It also has 8 levels of power, whereas the original model only had 5.  I don’t really need the additional levels of power.  The max power of both models is about the same.  And the interface for the Pro40 changed from the power slider selector in the original model to a push button power-up and power-down.  The power-up and power-down works fine, but I wish I didn’t need to press it so many times to get it to the max!

Our Favorite Clitoral Vibrator for Multi-Use: The Lelo Mona 2!

Lelo Mona 2 G-Spot Vibrator
We LOVE our Lelo Mona 2. It’s one of our favorite g-spot vibrators.  It’s not our absolute favorite g-spot vibrator (that would be the Jimmyjane Form 6), but this one does a much better job in terms of also being an absolutely amazing clitoral vibrator.  The shape of the head isn’t completely round – it’s tapers down to more of a rounded point, which is perfect for placing right on the clitoris.  It’s also very powerful, though not as powerful as the We-Vibe Tango.  It’s also more than three times as expensive as the Tango.  However, it’s much better as an insertable g-spot vibrator than the Tango, I still consider it a great purchase.

The Clitoral Vibrator Dedicated your Clitoral Orgasm: The We-Vibe Touch!

wevibe touch
The last entry for this review is the We-Vibe Touch!  The Touch is the most traditional clitoral vibrator on this list.  It has a shape that easily fits in your hand and is contoured to your g-spot very well.  As normal, there are different power levels for the We-Vibe Touch, just like all other vibrators, but the vibration on this one feels significantly higher-quality than other clitoral vibrators.  It’s more of a rumbly vibe than most others, particularly bullet vibes.  The Touch feels more rumbly than the Tango, partially because the Tango is more of a mini-vibe.  It’s also pretty inexpensive – in the same ball park as the Tango.

So why isn’t the Touch at the top of the list then?

The We-Vibe Touch didn’t top the list here because it’s just not quite as powerful as the Tango.  The charging station is also kind of clunky and didn’t stay connected when I needed it to.  But if you’re not a power queen and you like more of that rumbly sensation that shakes the whole clitoris, go for the Touch.

So, what clitoral vibrator should I buy?

If you’re looking for a purely clitoral vibrator, go with the We-Vibe Tango.  The Tango is mind blowing power directed right at the nerve center of the clitoris for mind-blowing Nirvana that leaves you unable to move after you pry your legs apart.

If you’re looking for something completely new, already have a vibrator or five, and can afford to purchase something a little more expensive, go with the Womanizer.  Either model is fantastic and will leave all of your other sex toys in the drawer for a long time.

If you need just one sex toy to rule them all, go with the Lelo Mona 2.  It’s close to being as good of a clitoral vibrator as the We-Vibe Tango, and we have never needed more power to achieve a great orgasm.  It’s also the g-spot vibrator that will leave your vagina clenched around it asking for more until it can’t handle any more.  So the Mona 2 wins the multi-purpose award!

Hitachi Magic Wand Massager Review

Hitachi Magic Wand Massager Review

The Hitachi Magic Wand

Our hopes for the Hitachi Magic Wand were very high.  We had heard and read many great things about it, so we decided to buy one for ourselves and do a review on it.  You’ll see in this review that there are some amazing things about the Hitachi Magic Wand, and some things that didn’t stack up to our expectations.  Overall, it’s a great purchase and one that we wouldn’t change our minds about.  But it’s not for everyone.

Which Hitachi Magic Wand should I get?

If you’ve been looking for a Hitachi Magic Wand, there are a couple options out there on Amazon – the original, less expensive, plug-in model and the more expensive rechargeable model:

Being a professional sex health blogger, we decided to go with both the original and the rechargeable Hitachi Magic Wand. A while back, Hitachi decided they did not want to be associated with what had become a wildly popular sex toy / personal massager, so they sold the rights to manufacture it to another company, Vibratex. All of the “Original” Hitachi Magic Wand massagers out there are not really made by Hitachi any longer unless you find one that’s about 20 years old.

Differences between the Original and the Rechargeable Hitachi Magic Wand

In any case, there are some advantages of both models:

  • The rechargeable model is, of course, cordless.  The original model actually comes with a very short, permanently attached cord.  Use a small extension cord to extend the cord length.  The cord is also a minor distraction / nuisance as it’s draping across your partner’s body.
  • The rechargeable Hitachi Magic Wand does have a cord for charging.  The rechargeable model doesn’t need to be fully charged to be used, unlike other vibrators.  If you run out of battery, you can still use it plugged in.  Though, the cord is still fairly short.
  • Several of the “original” Hitachi Magic Wand models come with a regular light dimmer switch.  This is because the controls on the original model do not provide a lot of variability in the power.  The dimmer switch essentially provides a reduction in the electric current flow to reduce the power.  From what we have noticed, though it’s a fairly janky solution, this may actually be an advantage for those who can’t even tolerate the lowest power setting on the rechargeable model.
  • The rechargeable Hitachi Magic Wand has a different surface on the massager head.  The original model has a smoother plastic head that glides over the body more smoothly than the rechargeable model.  The rechargeable model switched to more of a texture that you would find on a normal high-end vibrator, which provides a little more friction.  However, that also means that it doesn’t glide very smoothly over non-lubricated skin, so you should plan on using a little lube if you would like to move it around.
  • The rechargeable Hitachi Magic Wand has a distracting bright blue LED light when it is turned on.  In a dark room, this light is rather blinding.  We covered it with dark tape.

So which one should I get?

So as you can tell, there are many differences between the two Hitachi Magic Wand models.  Based on the differences alone, we can’t tell which one we would recommend.  However, based on price, if you don’t mind the cord and the amateur solution of the light switch dimmer for power control, the original model is the one to go with.  Especially if you are rather sensitive in the clitoral area.  If you need some power and maneuverability, go with the rechargeable model.

Initial Impressions of the Hitachi Magic Wand

Despite the higher price point, this is not your typical luxury vibrator unboxing with a velvet carrying case and fancy packaging.  The Hitachi Magic Wand comes in a rather plain box with a picture of the vibrator on the outside as the main feature.  Who cares about the box though?  I certainly don’t.  The box and the instructions book immediately went in the garbage.  I care about how good the product is.

Hitachi Magic Wand Review - box


We immediately plugged it in to get a sense of the power that this thing was supposed to have.  Wow.  We have several vibrators.  This thing felt like comparing a jackhammer to a small kitchen coffee grinder.  It’s a little intimidating, even on the lowest setting.

But then we left it plugged in for a few hours to see if it still had that kind of power when running just on the battery.  It did.  When it’s fully charged, there’s no difference between it running on the battery or running while plugged in.

Hitachi Magic Wand Review - unboxing

Hitachi Magic Wand Review: Is it good in bed?

Packaging, initial impressions, style, etc. These are all fine for setting expectations and the mood. But how does the Hitachi Magic Wand actually feel? That’s the million dollar question.

Honestly, there are two issues with the Hitachi Magic Wand. First, it is simply too powerful for me, even on the lowest setting. Perhaps I’m blessed with a sensitive clitoris, but the rechargeable version is too strong. However, it is pretty nice to use with my favorite lube, some coconut oil, around the outside of the outer labia to help those vaginal muscles relax. This also helps to provide some buffer from the deep rumbly vibrations so that the power is not directly applied to the clitoris.  This is why some reviewers say that many ladies choose to use the Hitachi Magic Wand on top of their panties.

On the flip side, after getting properly warmed up and using the dimmer switch with the original model and setting it to the lowest setting, the sensation is pleasurable when applied around and directly on the clitoris.  The smoother texture of the head also allows the head to glide a little nicer as well.  However, we would definitely recommend getting warmed up first.

If you’re interested in this, this is the dimmer switch we purchased:

The other factor is that for us, the head shape of the Hitachi Magic Wand just wasn’t quite as nice as the shape of other vibrators such as the Lelo Mona 2. The smaller head allows you to pinpoint the vibration right to the sweet spot of the clitoris. However, some women also totally rave about the wand head shape because it’s able to provide stimulation to clitoris, inner and outer labia, and deep inside – all at once.

Bonus features of the Hitachi Magic Wand!

At the beginning of this review I said that we would still recommend purchasing the Hitachi Magic Wand, even though it’s not our favorite clit vibrator. It is still a great purchase because it is a wonderful full body massager! How about that. It’s original purpose is still its best strength. We have been really taking advantage of using coconut oil for massaging before sex. See 6 Reasons to use Coconut Oil as Lube AND Massage Oil. The Hitachi Magic Wand takes this to the next level. On the larger muscle groups, the deep vibrations are absolutely incredible. The Hitachi Magic Wand gives deep vibrations into your larger muscles that hands simply can’t replicate. 15 minutes of coconut oil and the deep vibrations will turn you into a limber relaxed sex machine ready to take on sexual adventures you have only dreamed of!

Hitachi Magic Wand - unboxed

Hitachi Magic Wand: Our Summary

Even though the Hitachi Magic Wand is not our favorite clitoral massager, it has many possibilities.  The actual massage capability has opened up new excitement in our sexual relationship.  There are also many attachments such as the ones in the link below that are exciting possibilities. One day we will purchase some of these attachments and write another review for them. Until then, consider if the Hitachi Magic Wand is the right vibrator for you! If you purchase one, let us know what you think!

Weekend Getaways- What Happened to Those?

Weekend Getaways- What Happened to Those?

It’s time to bring back those amazing weekend getaway trips! Gentleman do what you need to do to plan a long weekend away for just you and your spouse, but surprise her with it.

  • Call on the grandparents for help if you’ve got children in the home. Make sure you pick a long weekend that’ll work for them to stay with the kids.
  •  Make a reservation at one of the Sandals Resorts that’s now offering a Luxury Love Nest Suite. These suites often include a semiprivate pool and hot tub for two.
  • Pack the weekend getaway bag to include: magazines for the plane ride, that little black bikini she wore during your honeymoon when no one else was around, lingerie she might actually think about wearing again because her hubby has really put effort into this trip, and other cute outfit options for those romantic dinners you’ve got planned.
  • Don’t forget the plane tickers and passport (if necessary).
  • Balance relaxation, pool time and going out to explore a new local scene and cuisine.

Tantus Uncut 1 Review: Our Favorite!

The Tantus Uncut 1 is our favorite dildo at Women and Sexuality! It’s made of the Tantus dual density O2 material that makes it very realistic.  The Uncut #1 is also our favorite for several other reasons though…

Tantus uncut 1 review

Perfect Size!

The Tantus Uncut 1 is a wonderful size. Frankly, it was just a little intimidating when first removing it from the packaging. But that is also what made it exciting! It’s not too intimidating. At 7.45 inches in length, this beauty will gently fill almost any lady very pleasantly. Also, at 1.75 inches in girth, it takes some warming up to get used to, but once you have the first inch in, the rest of it goes oh so smooth… You’ll feel yourself fill up with a wonderful, incredibly realistic fullness that will have your toes curling. This is about the largest in dildo size that we prefer and recommend to most ladies. You won’t be uncomfortable. Just be excited, make sure you have some good foreplay, and the Uncut #1 will bring you to an exciting orgasm, especially with some clitoral stimulation added in.


The Tantus Uncut 1 is shaped like an uncircumcised penis!  Really!  It’s pretty realistic looking, but frankly, it’s mostly a gimmick as the foreskin doesn’t retract like a real uncircumcised penis.   But, as far as dildos go, it’s the most realistic uncut penis that we’ve seen, so A for effort!  There is one attribute about this that is pretty cool though – some ladies don’t really enjoy the feeling of full withdrawl and insertion of a dildo because of the head “pop”, especially with a more rigid dildo.  You won’t have that problem with the Tantus Uncut 1.

The shape goes beyond the foreskin though – the Uncut has a gentle g spot stimulation curve that makes it incredibly pleasurable.  The top half inch of the dildo is mostly the soft outer layer, so it massages gently but firmly with no poking feeling against your vaginal wall.

Realistic in an exciting fantasy way!

Most guys won’t be able to match up to the Tantus Uncut 1.  At almost 7.5 inches long and 1.75 inches in girth, it is at the upper end of penis sizes without being classified as a “Large” dildo that would make most ladies uncomfortable.  But if you could have that well-endowed man with a great penis shape that filled you in just the right way, the Tantus Uncut 1 would be that dream penis.

6 Reasons to Use Coconut Oil as Lube and as Massage Oil

6 Reasons to Use Coconut Oil as Lube and as Massage Oil

Looking for that perfect massage oil that works both for massaging and for sex? Well look no further – coconut oil is the solution! “Cononut oil as lube? Really? I was thinking something like Astroglide or KY or something, Bobby…” No. Trust me, if there’s one thing you do today that will improve your sex life, please, please buy some good quality coconut oil, preferably the suggested ones at the links below, and try coconut oil as lube the next time you have sex!!

Still don’t believe me? Here are six sex reasons you should use coconut oil as lube… and as a massage oil!

coconut oil as lube and sex massage oil

Reason 1: You can use coconut oil as lube AND as a massage oil!

Say you want to start out your sex time together with a massage to lighten things up and get things moving… but hold on – you can’t use most massage oil for sex!  That’s right – you can rub his or her back and legs, but then you have to wash your hands and switch lubricants to something like Astroglide… and that throws the whole sexual vibe off.

Coconut oil is perfect for  the FULL BODY massage, and when you get into massaging that inner thigh area, you don’t have to be careful to keep it out of her vagina or off of his penis… Enjoy a nice butt massage?  Coconut oil is perfect!  Transition straight from massaging back to legs to bum, right into some great, relaxed lubricated sex!  Really, coconut oil is the only solution we’ve found that you can use for everything.

But what about using a personal sex lubricant for massaging?  Well that’s okay, but with the amount you’re going to use, it will get pretty expensive using Astroglide or KY for a full body massage.  Plus there’s reason 2…

Reason 2: Coconut oil doesn’t leave a residue on your skin!

The real drawback is that Astroglide or KY weren’t meant for full body massaging and will leave a residue on your skin.  Who wants to have to take a shower after sex to rinse off the residue?  Don’t you want to just fall into a wonderfully exhausted and satisfied sleep?  The same issue applies when you are using lots of lotion for a massage – at some point the lotion will start to cause a buildup because you need to keep applying it.

Coconut oil doesn’t leave a residue.  It’s actually really good for your skin and hair!  So … triple purpose … sex lubricant, massage oil, skin moisturizer!  Awesome.  When you start to use it, remember to come back here and write a comment to thank me 🙂

Reason 3: It’s inexpensive!

That’s right… coconut oil is incredibly inexpensive.  For $20, you can have enough coconut oil for a LOT of massaging!  You could spend $15 for 3 oz of KY Touch 2-in-1, or you could spend $15 for 30 oz of coconut oil that will perform better and last longer… the math is pretty easy to me!

Reason 4: Coconut oil is all natural and safe to use

Coconut oil has been shown to be safe for sex, and thousands of people use it regularly.  From everyone we have talked to and from everything we have read on the topic, coconut oil is the best all-natural product out there that is safe for sex.  This is the main hurdle for many people – using something that’s not branded like KY.  But from all of the accounts out there, using pure virgin coconut oil is a great alternative to the name brands.  Here’s the kicker – it’s anti-bacterial and anti-fungal.  Really.  No need to keep it in the frig or toss it after 2 weeks.

Edit: Because there was so much interest in this subject, we did a further review of the safety of coconut oil for vaginal use.

Reason 5: Coconut oil lasts forever – no need to keep applying

The issue with using a water-based lubricant is that it’s WATER-based… that means the water evaporates, leaving a residue from the other products added to the water, and you need to keep applying more and more of it.  This is the same issue with using lotion for massages.

Coconut oil just keeps lubricating and lubricating… Once you have your wife’s legs or back or butt or breasts covered in coconut oil, there’s no need to keep going back for more!  Just keep massaging while listening to some Robin Thicke…

Reason 6: Coconut oil is great for your skin

Your skin needs oils.  It has natural oils that are lost when using soap in the hot shower or bath.  Coconut oil really helps replace some of those natural skin oils.  Did we say it’s good for your hair too?  Yes, that’s right – skin, hair, private parts, everything!


So have I convinced you yet?  I wouldn’t write this enthusiastically for something that doesn’t work well.  Using coconut oil as lube has really opened up a whole new dimension on sex for us, and we recommend it to our close friends and family.  Here are a couple products on Amazon that we really have tried and recommend:

Other Products you may be Interested in:

3 Steps to Increase the Female Libido!!!

In today’s post, let’s tackle a question that many married men wonder: “How do you get your wife in the mood?”  She is either uninterested in sex, bored with sex, too stressed to have sex, or too busy and tired to have sex.  Or, all too often, you and your wife have fallen into a rut in your marriage so sex is just becoming more and more rare.  You’re still interested, but she seems to be off in her own separate world or doesn’t want to put forth the energy to have sex.  So how do you increase the female libido after it’s been on the decline for so long?

Increase the female libido

Step 1 to increase the female libido: make your wife feel attractive.

This step is going to take the most effort.  It is also going to take some humility, focus, and just genuine thought on your part as a husband.  The thing about increasing the female libido is that there is no simple fix.  It takes time.  There is no magic bullet.

In our post called Keeping Her Interested: It’s all in Her Head, we discussed the differences between the way that men and women think about sex.  Here, let’s take it a step further.  Beyond being relaxed and having some relief from the stress of daily life, the most important thing that a husband can do for his wife’s sex drive is to make her feel attractive.  But how?

Be attracted to her

… get this… just be attracted to her.  Genuinely.  Why?  Because, out of the heart the mouth speaks.  I’ll save this topic for a post another day, but one key piece here is to only find sexual satisfaction from your wife.  No looking at magazines with half-naked ladies inside, no checking out the girl in the office repeatedly… just save all of that for your wife.  You’ll be surprised at how the sex appeal of your wife starts to multiply when she’s the only well you’re drinking from.

Be over the top with telling her how attractive she is

Make her blush with your praise.  Tell her specific things about how gorgeous she is.  Be genuine and tell her something like, “Baby, your [fill in the blank] is looking so good today!  Mmm!!”  But it starts with genuinely being attracted to her.  Then you won’t be able to stop telling her that she’s beautiful and you’ll have to put a filter on it because you’re in public!

Touch her

Frequently, if she’s not opposed to it, let your hands be all over her all day, complementing the verbal praise.  Couples who touch frequently naturally feel closer.  Touch is also just another good method of communication, so your wife won’t just hear what you’re saying, she’ll feel it also.

Buy her clothes

Gifts are another form of communication and display of love.  Getting her an attractive article of clothing – maybe not even lingerie or underwear, but maybe a top that shows off her cleavage – is also a great way to show her you’re attracted to her.  Make sure it’s something she’ll actually wear and it’s the right size.

Exercise with her

Exercise naturally helps us to feel attractive, and doing it together is a great way to bond.  Make sure it’s a positive experience and you both feel accomplished.  When she does something – treadmill, weights, Zumba, whatever – make sure you tell her that she’s doing awesome and you find it attractive that she’s working hard.

Step 2 to increase the female libido: Set the mood ALL DAY LONG

Now that your wife feels attractive, the next step to increasing her libido is to feed her mind with good sexual thoughts all day.  You guys can just turn it on at the flip of a switch, but your wife likely takes a lot longer to warm up.  Anticipation is the name of the game here!  Now, think to yourself about what turns your wife on in a good way.  Does she like knowing there’s a sexy gift waiting for her or that you have a new position in mind?  Does she love massages and want to take time to enjoy the build up?

Bring awesome sex Back to the Future!

Here’s a great idea – earlier in the day, reflect out loud with her on a time where the sex was really really good… maybe you were on vacation and did something amazing.  Conjuring that mental image for her will get her mind thinking about that scenario for a while.  Just make sure your kids aren’t around so you don’t totally gross them out 🙂

Make sure she knows you have plenty of time

There’s little anticipation of a 10 minute sex quickie.  Make sure she knows that the kids are off at their friends places and you won’t be interrupted for your hour-long session of sexual pleasure 🙂  To increase the female libido takes time and patience, but it’s well worth it!

No distractions

Sink full of dirty dishes on the mind?  Giant pile of laundry to fold?  Completely exhausted from chasing the kids around?  These are things that will get in your wife’s way in her mind… remove these blockers and make sure she has no worries…

Step 3 to increase the female libido: Make her the priority

When your wife feels attractive and she’s anticipating awesome sex, you can’t go wrong, right?  Wrong.  Don’t just dive right in and orgasm within the first 5 minutes and ask her how wonderful she thought it was.  You’ll ruin the buildup.  You want a sexual excursion that you can reflect on again with her in the future to turn her on again… here are some pointers:

Set the atmosphere

Okay guys.  Here’s the good sexual atmosphere checklist:

  1. Room smells nice – nicely scented candles (see the link below for our FAVORITE)
  2. Comfortable setup – bed is nicely made, lots of pillows, etc.
  3. Clean – no clutter!!! If your nightstand has a half-eaten banana on it, your wife is not going to get it on with you… Please clean the room!!!
  4. Good music!  Set the playlist… sexy-romantic at the beginning… think 5 – 6 songs from Robin Thicke… then transitioning into some more explicit music for the main event… think Beyonce’s Dance for You

Help her relax – give her a massage

Please, do yourself a favor and get a good massage setup.  It will pay dividends, trust me!  No more dry massage and no more passing off lotion as massage oil.  It’s not the same thing.  See the link below for some different coconut oil options and read our upcoming blog entry on 6 Reasons Why Coconut Oil is the Best Sex Massage Oil! Really, this is the best thing you will discover and it will open whole new roads to your sex life.


So there you have it!  Three easy steps with a ton of suggestions to increase your wife’s sex libido… What do you think? Do you have any more libido increasing suggestions?

Christian Sex Toys??

So you believe in Jesus.  Awesome.  You don’t look at pornography or skeezy sites on the internet.  Cool.  You have sexual needs.  What???

Yes, you’re still human when you’re a Christian, and those sexual desires don’t change when you put your faith in Jesus.  So then the question comes up: what is okay and what is not okay for Christians to do sexually?  Can Christians use a vibrator?  What about a clitoral vibrator versus a g-spot vibrator? There’s a whole spectrum of sexual things you can do outside of normal intercourse.  But what is okay to do without committing a sin?

In this multi-part post, we won’t be able to analyze the full spectrum of sexual topics, but we will examine what we think are the top questions on the minds of Christians:

  1. Are there “Christian sex toys”?  What about clitoral vs. g-spot vibrators?
  2. Is it okay to masturbate?  Alone or with my spouse?
  3. What about oral sex?

Christian sex toys

Part 1: Are There “Christian Sex Toys?”

Just the phrase “Christian Sex Toy” seems kind of like an oxymoron.  Aren’t Christians supposed to be semi-nuns who only have sex in the missionary position?  Anything else would be perverse and sinful, right?

How far is too far?  Let’s start from the beginning and lay down a quick foundation before we can dissect this question on Christian sex toys.

1. Sex is intended to be between a married man and woman.

That hasn’t changed between generations and it never will. There are many scripture references, but I’ll just give a few:

  1. Talking about avoiding the adulterous woman, the writer of Proverbs says, “Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well.” (Proverbs 5:15)
  2. Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?  So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Matthew 19:4-6)

2. Sex is good.

Sex is too often hidden away and not talked about in Christian circles.  If Christians are not talking about sex – in a positive way – then who is??  Anyway, for anyone doubting that the Bible says sex is good:

  1. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love. (Proverbs 5:18-19)
  2. Let my beloved come to his garden, and eat its choicest fruits. (Song of Solomon 4:16b)
  3. I say I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its fruit. Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the scent of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine. It goes down smoothly for my beloved, gliding over lips and teeth. I am my beloved’s, and his desire is for me. (Song of Solomon 7:8-10)

I could keep going with the references to why sex is good.

3. The main thing that Jesus changed was to change our mindset from Law to Love.  From Religion to Relationship.

Now, this was always the case as being the most important thing.  Relationship isn’t just a “New Testament Thing.”  Don’t believe me?

  1. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)
  2. You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise. (Psalm 51:16-17)
  3. Even if you have been banished to the most distant land under the heavens, from there the Lord your God will gather you and bring you back. …….. The Lord your God will circumcise your hearts and the hearts of your descendants, so that you may love him with all your heart and with all your soul, and live. (Deuteronomy 30:4, 6)

So it is okay for Christians to use sex toys?

Okay, now that we have those bases covered, lets tackle our question of whether or not sex toys are okay for Christians to use.  Here is where we start to get into our opinion, and not trying to prove anything beyond those items that we talked about above.

In our opinion, sex toys are okay for Christians to use as long as they’re used within these boundaries:

  1. Sex toys are used within the context of marriage.  Also, husband and wife are both okay with using them.
  2. Sex toys are not used as a replacement and are intended to serve a temporary function. Sex is not to be withheld in marriage – husbands and wives are supposed to come together regularly, and there are references for this as well. Do not buy a g spot vibrator and use that in replacement of your husband.  Also, men, do not look at porn in replacement for your wife.
  3. Sex toys should be brought into your sexual relationship when they are beneficial to the relationship.  Some stodgy people may say that a sex toy will never be beneficial in your sexual relationship.  However, there are many cases where it can bring you closer together:
    • If your wife had a c-section within the last year, she will likely need additional stimulation beyond your penis and fingers to orgasm because cutting through nerves caused a decrease in sensitivity and possible numbing sensation for several months.  Please, get a clitoral vibrator.
    • You may have been having sex in the same way for the last several months (or years)!  Shop for a sex toy together and find one you’re both interested in.  Who wants to eat spaghetti for dinner every single night, even if it’s wonderful?  Spice it up and try something new once every once in a while. Song of Solomon doesn’t express sexual desire in the variety of ways that it does for sex to become boring.
    • Your husband is experiencing erectile dysfunction but he still wants his wife to experience sexual satisfaction while they are coming together regularly for sexual intimacy.
    • Maybe you’re a woman who experiences “performance related anxiety.” You feel pressure to say you’ve orgasmed but never really have and don’t know how to because you’ve never masturbated. This might help you and your husband discover how to.
    • You and your husband are okay with the idea of breast augmentations, you’re both also supporters of a vibrator. Penises also come in different sizes.

Now, some people may say that sex toys are examples of “sexual immorality” that is talked about in the bible often.  I think that this is those people’s opinion, and just not what they’re used to.  Just because you’re not used to it doesn’t mean it’s wrong – it’s just different.

So yes, we believe there are “sex toys” that can be beneficial, and we’re not going to divide them up into which toys are right and which are wrong.  As long as they fall into the 3 boundaries above, we think you’re okay in God’s eyes.

Lelo Tiani 24k Review

Lelo Tiani 24k Review

Description of the Lelo Tiani 24k:

The Lelo Tiani 24k is a huge step up from the previous iteration, the Tiani 3, which we have also reviewed.  This is the fourth attempt at the couples vibrator from Lelo over a pretty short time period, so obviously they think there’s a solid market here and they want to compete with We-Vibe.

The Tiani 24k is very similar to the previous iterations.  It is still meant to be worn the same way, with the smaller side inserted into the vagina and the larger side against the clit.  The arm bends with reasonable pressure, so it is fairly easy to insert while still applying a decent amount of pressure against the g-spot as well as against the clitoris.

If you haven’t worn a couples vibrator before, be prepared for it to take some getting used to.  Our first time, my wife needed me to take it a little slower while I inserted my penis because she’s used to only my penis girth while the Tiani 24k adds some extra volume.  A little goes a long way here.

The key difference between the Tiani 24k and the Tiani 3 is the dual motor.  There is actually a motor for the insertable side of the toy that vibrates directly against the g-spot.  This is a HUGE difference between the new version and the previous version of the Tiani.  Worn alone, the vibrations with the pressure that the arm provides are decent.  However, once I inserted my penis, the additional pressure of the motorized arm against my wife’s g-spot made her arch her back and start moaning right away.  This may have been the fastest that she has ever orgasmed, even since our honeymoon.  This wasn’t quite the same experience with the Tiani 3 – the second motor really makes a difference.

So if you are considering which version of the Tiani to purchase or whether to purchase a We-Vibe, if you can pony up the additional funds, we would highly suggest the Tiani 24k over all of the other couples vibrators out there.

The gold band around the center of the toy and on the remote control are a nice touch, and my wife enjoys that it feels a little more classy than a big rubber dildo on the dresser!

The clitoral side of the Lelo Tiani 24k has a decent amount of power.  However, if you are using the “wife on her back with legs on hubby’s shoulders or hands while standing at the side of the bed” position, the clitoral side will be a little more well-positioned and more stable against the clit if she holds it in place.  However, this isn’t necessarily mandatory, leaving you free to have her hands tied to the bedposts if you choose!

The Lelo Tiani 24k also allows you to do the “doggy style” without needing to hold a vibrator in place on your clit, which can lead to a more comfortable pose there.  It seems less comfortable when she needs to have one arm reaching back to her vagina to hold the clitoral vibrator there, and it’s tough for me as the guy to reach around while also concentrating on thrusting deep.

The remote is decently designed and it’s nice to have it accessible to either of us to increase the vibrations as we go along.  It’s also nice to be able to have the remote stationary on the bed or the nightstand, rather than needing to find the buttons on the toy itself.  However, as with most of the other Lelo vibrators we have used, we find little use for the other vibration patterns.  The SenseMotion function seems like it has potential for foreplay use such as on the way home from date night in the car to get warmed up, but during sex, we both agreed that the straight vibrations and increasing intensity are the way to go.

For the guys:

For me as the guy, the vibrations and slightly added “tightness” were also very enjoyable.  With the Tiani 3, I didn’t really notice the vibrations as much, though the added firmness was about the same as with the Tiani 24k.  However, the dual motor made a noticeable difference and as I thrusted slower, the vibrations could be felt against different points in my penis shaft as the vibrating insert moved from being pressed against the head to a little lower than the middle at full insertion.

If your hubby bubby is prone to faster ejaculating, he may be especially prone while you are wearing this, but I’m sure he won’t complain because it’s pretty awesome.

Where To Get the Lelo Tiani 24k:

Lelo is selling the Tiani 24k on Amazon here:


What do you think of our Lelo Tiani 24k review?  Leave a comment below!