Consistently looking for ways to improve sex is a must for any healthy marriage! Below are our tips on how to have great sex in marriage.
A great relationship leads to great sex in marriage!
In order to make sure your marriage is healthy and strong, set aside time and protect it from other obligations including work and extended family activities. This means going down to bare bones in order to make time for the important stuff. You’re married, with kids and have a job. You love your wife/husband and enjoy their companionship, are engaged with your kids when you’re not at work, and go to work because hopefully you enjoy it and are good at it, but also because it provides a nice living wage for your family, and then you go back to your happy home. Life stressors like raising kids and managing how to best position your family for helping out aging parents is enough on your plate.
Tips for a great relationship, leading to good married sex
Evenings should be reserved for connecting with your spouse! To have great sex in marriage, set that time apart and prepare for it throughout the day, mentally and physically.
Our friends at the American Psychological Association posted a nice short article on the nine psychological ‘tasks’ of marriage. Please review at your leisure and maybe ask your spouse how he/she thinks you two are doing. Conversing is a nice way to bond, before making whoopie!
Research on what makes a marriage work shows that people in a good marriage have completed these psychological “tasks”:
- Separate emotionally from the family you grew up in; not to the point of estrangement, but enough so that your identity is separate from that of your parents and siblings.
- Build togetherness based on a shared intimacy and identity, while at the same time set boundaries to protect each partner’s autonomy.
- Establish a rich and pleasurable sexual relationship and protect it from the intrusions of the workplace and family obligations.
- For couples with children, embrace the daunting roles of parenthood and absorb the impact of a baby’s entrance into the marriage. Learn to continue the work of protecting the privacy of you and your spouse as a couple.
- Confront and master the inevitable crises of life.
- Maintain the strength of the marital bond in the face of adversity. The marriage should be a safe haven in which partners are able to express their differences, anger and conflict.
- Use humor and laughter to keep things in perspective and to avoid boredom and isolation.
- Nurture and comfort each other, satisfying each partner’s needs for dependency and offering continuing encouragement and support.
- Keep alive the early romantic, idealized images of falling in love, while facing the sober realities of the changes wrought by time.
Thanks to Judith S. Wallerstein, PhD, co-author of the book “The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts.”
Next step to great sex in marriage: constantly keep it exciting!
This article is supposed to be about how to have great sex in marriage though, right? Yes, and that begins with a great relationship, spending quality family time together, and focusing on nurturing each other’s feelings. However, you also need to keep it new and exciting in the bedroom! How? Let’s review some of the tips from the section above and put them into the context of sex in married life. These will be our…
Married Sex Tips!
- Separate a space for sex. You spend your days chasing children, changing diapers, checking homework, etc. You should keep those activities separate from the area in your house you typically have sex in. That space should be dedicated to sex with your spouse.
- Separate a time for sex. Make a conscious effort to set aside a specific time where you will have energy and a sufficient amount of time to put all your attention into great sex for your marriage.
- Start with an intimacy mindset. It’s not just about the sex. Get close. Make out and dry hump like you were dating again. Turn on some music that you listened to while you were dating. Sex in your marriage will be much better when you focus on being close.
- Keep sex fun! It shouldn’t be your weekly Saturday sex. Spontaneous sex is great! Wear a funny costume one time and try a little to act the part!
- Do new things! To have great sex in marriage, you can’t fall into a rut in your sex, even if you find a position where you always climax easily. Keep it new! If your spouse suggests something new, just go with it, as long as it doesn’t cross pre-established boundaries.
- Augment your married sex! We aren’t big fans of the term “sex toys”, but that’s the standard vernacular today, so we’ll go with it. Don’t be shy about bring some sex toys into the bedroom. A dildo is not a replacement for your penis! A clit vibrator or one our our picks for the best clit stimulator will make you more likely to have sex more often because your wife is more likely to orgasm!
Brainstorm a little! Set the atmosphere and have some great sex in marriage today!