How to Shave Your Vagina Without Razorburn

How to shave your vaginaAt Women and Sexuality, we don’t just want to focus on sex sex sex… It’s almost March and you know what that means!  No, not March Madness – who cares about that.  I mean bikini season!  Or at least bathing suit season, not necessarily bikini season for some of us.  Now, whether you like it or not, summer brings fewer and fewer clothes.  And going to the pool!  Especially if you have kids!  And if you’re going to the pool, you’re going to want to remove more of that bush you’ve been using as a winter blanket.  But one of the things that keeps us from going totally bare down there is the fear of razorburn!!!  So, this tutorial is to help you know how to shave your vagina without getting razorburn!
how to shave your vagina - bad shaving

Tip 1 of 2: How to shave your vagina: Do not start with a lather of shaving cream!

So the first thing you do is to hop in the shower, get it real steamy, and head right for the shaving cream, right?  Wrong!  Yep.  I don’t start with shaving cream all over the place.  Here’s why:

  1. Shaving cream gets bulky and obstructs the view of your work!
  2. It washes off easily, leaving you no protection!
  3. It doesn’t help prevent razor burn.

Shaving cream is better than nothing, though!  Do not try shaving your vagina without some lubricant to help the blades glide smoothly over the skin!



But what should I use, then?

Okay, this article wasn’t just to tell you what not to do but also tell you how to shave your vagina.  This may sound odd, but trust me.  Get a little coconut oil.  REALLY.  Not vegetable oil, not soybean oil, not massage oil.  Get some coconut oil.  It’s inexpensive – get some on Amazon.  Get this one – the bottle will last you for months because you only need a little at a time:

Now, we’re pretty big fans of Coconut oil here at Women and Sexuality.  We have written about it’s benefits here:

6 Reasons to Use Coconut Oil as Lube and as Massage Oil

and here:

Is Coconut Oil Safe for your Vagina?

but hear me out here on why to use it for shaving.  What doesn’t dissolve in water like shaving cream???  That’s right – oil.  So when you apply some coconut oil all around your vagina and all through the hair, it forms a small barrier between the blades and the skin while lubricating so the blades slide smoothly.  If you really want to, go ahead and apply a thin layer of shaving cream on top of the coconut oil.  It’s a little overkill, but you’ll feel in your safe zone again.

Also, when you’re done showering, you’ll still be silky smooth down below!
vagina illustration - driection to shave

Tip 2 of 2: How to shave your vagina: Shave with the grain!

Even though this is the most important tip around how to shave your vagina, it comes second.  DO NOT START AT THE TOP OF YOUR VAGINA AND SHAVE UP!  Really.  And do not start at your labia and shave out toward your leg!

hair follicle

Here’s the thing: generally your pubic hair starts at the follicle and grows toward your vagina.  Then it gets all curly and bushy like a 70’s disco band.  But before it goes all bell bottoms on you, typically it starts growing toward your vagina to protect it and keep it cozy and warm.

Now, razorburn is actually when the razor blade comes in contact with the skin, meets hair at the follicle, and rips the skin along with the hair.  Check out the hair follicle image.  Notice the hair doesn’t just grow straight out from the skin!  You want to shave in the same direction as the hair is growing!  Guys have known this for years.  Hair on their faces grows down, while hair on their necks generally grows up.  So they shave down on their face and up on their necks!  So why are all us ladies shaving against the way the hair grows on our vaginas!?!

Bonus tip!

Your leg hair is typically not as thick as your public hair.  So you might not have an issue with razorburn on your legs.  But, if you do, try shaving down your leg, not up!  Your leg hair typically grows down toward your feet, so shave in the same direction if you’re getting razorburn, even with a new razor!

Sexy Adventures With a Couples Vibrator

Sexy Adventures With a Couples Vibrator

Adventure Sex!!!  With our Couples Vibrator!?!

That’s right.  We have found a lot of fun adventured to be had with a Couples Vibrator and a little creativity.  Sex can get a little boring after you’ve been married for years, so sometimes you need to spice it up!  We have found many ways to give sex some sex spice, and the couples vibrator has been a great one!

To give some insight, we are using either the Lelo Tiani 3 or our We-Vibe Sync, the newest couples Vibrator from We-Vibe.

Below, we will introduce you to several sexy adventures we have had together with our couples vibrators.  Hopefully they will inspire you to purchase one of these amazing sex toys for yourselves!

Couples Vibrator – On the Road!

“On the road” in this case doesn’t mean that a spouse is travelling for work… it means we’re driving!  For this adventure, we happen to be on a driving trip from Denver to a lake house we rented southern Montana.  In a big ol RV!  Yep, we flew to Denver, rented a giant Coachman – the nicest one they had and it looked almost brand new, and took 2 days to slowly drive each way.  The scenery on the drive was … stunning.  My hubby usually isn’t the best at planning a romantic getaway, but he really went big with this one.  And he got it all right.  Lake house, romantic drive, nice accommodations, planned stops along the way, entertainment for the kids… amazing.

Getting turned on…

We were holding hands in the front while driving the big rig and I was thinking about how nice the trip was already.  In “code” he was telling me quietly how nice the evenings were going to be also after the kids went to bed and that he had some other things planned!  But he wouldn’t tell me!  He gave me some hints that it included sexy outfits and some massaging.  The combination of all these things started to get me squirming a little bit in the passenger seat.  The kids were glued to the TV in the back all morning, but we knew they would get tired pretty soon after we stopped for lunch.  So at the first rest stop about 4 hours in, I decided to have a little fun and prep the couples vibrator… it was fully charged before we left, so we had plenty of juice for the drive.


I walked back to the motorhome a few minutes before my hubby and the kiddos and used just a little lube to slide the toy in.  Slipping back up my underwear and pants, and it’s held pretty well in place.  Now, before anyone gets offended, we have a strict rule to completely divide any sex (talking, thinking, acts, etc.) when the kids are around.  Obviously, come on – that would be weird.  BUT, the kids hadn’t napped yet and we knew they were due for a long nap here after waking up early, travelling, and eating some lunch.

Sex and Scenery!!

I was ready and really excited.  This would be the first time we had done this while driving, and I was fully energized after drinking some coffee.  Sure enough, the back got quiet after about 20 minutes of driving.  So I let hubby in on my surprise and handed him the remote!  He was super turned on.  He waited a few minutes and we talked a little more about what we were going to do in the evenings.  Then without notice, he gave me a little zap that I wasn’t expecting and caused me to yelp a little!  Hahaha, after laughing for a minute or so, he turned it back on low while making sure he was being careful to watch the road.  The kids were totally zonked out, so he started telling me how sexy I was looking in my comfy travel yoga pants.  I really got going when he started just a little naughty talk about nipple play and how sexy it was to see my hips moving while turning up the vibration intensity.

I was getting close to orgasm when he turned it back down to low!  The drive was going to be pretty long. Neither of us wanted this entertainment to end quickly!  So after he got me close to orgasm a few more times, I told him I the next time to not turn it off and let me climax.  So he did and it was amazing!

The scenery, spontaneity, and sexy talk was the perfect start to an amazing sexy weekend!

Couples Vibrator – At the Movies!

We try to keep to our weekly date night, even if it’s just watching a movie together at home with just the two of us after the kids have gone to bed.  Last Christmas though, my parents were over and surprise!  Hubby had arranged with them to watch the kids while we went for dinner and a movie.  4 or 5 hours with just the two of us!  I was excited.  We got all done up and ready for our 6:00 reservation.  And dinner was amazing!  Just like when we were dating, my hubby sat on the same side of the booth as me, rather than apart so we can snuggle while we eat and drink.  It was like we were in our early 20’s again 🙂

My favorite sexy dress

Conversation was great.  Food was great.  He looked and smelled great.  He told me likewise.  I don’t get many opportunities to wear my dressy clothes, so I had worn the black dress that I typically think is just a little too short, my big wedge shoes, and just a tiny bit more makeup than I wear on a normal day.  I felt sexy.  I had been working hard in the gym and running and watching what I eat for the last 2 months, so I was down 10 pounds and feeling great.  So I thought I would show off a little for him!  Yep, feeling confident.  I even wore his favorite black thong under the dress that I typically think is too short.  You better believe I was careful walking, sitting, and any time I had to bend over a little!  But I know he likes it.

We both had a glass of wine at dinner, then another.  Two glasses is my max – I start feeling it after one!  We’re not big drinkers.  Anyway, we started talking about the blog and the next review I was going to write, and his hand kept feeling my leg, even though I was holding the top of his hand.  It’s a good thing we had the corner booth closest to the kitchen and it was dark in there!  Nothing naughty but we both wanted more.  Then he surprised me by telling me that he had brought the couples vibrator to use while at the movie!  He had hid it in my purse without me knowing!  Now I was excited.

Trying to keep my cool and act like I wasn’t being secretly stimulated in public!

I didn’t want to put it in at the restaurant because I was wearing … a thong and a short dress!  So we went to the theater, which is right across from the restaurant, and I stopped in the restroom after we found our seats.  I walked carefully back to our seats clenching my vaginal muscles in fear that it would fall out!  I had it pretty snug and I don’t think it would have, but anyway, I wasn’t taking any chances.

So about 5 minutes into the movie, while it was fairly loud, he took the remote from my purse and turned the couples vibrator on low… and I started to squirm in my seat, even though I tried not to!  Good grief… I couldn’t control myself!  It was the first time we had done anything where others were around and might potentially notice.   I was totally turned on by how naughty this was!  So needless to say, I orgasmed, and probably looked like there was something wrong with me even though I tried to stay cool.  At least I didn’t have anyone sitting right beside me or directly behind me.

I left the couples vibrator in.  I had mostly forgotten about it after about 45 minutes. The movie was engaging.  Then my hubby turned our couples vibrator on again!  I almost gave out a little yelp!  It was amazing the second time also – feeling the vibrations inside and out… wonderful.  A second orgasm and probably looking awkward.

The finish to an amazing night

I took our couples vibrator out in the restroom on the way out and hung on his arm on our way out to the car.  We got home and the kids were in bed asleep!  Grandparents are the best.

Then I rode my hubby like we were newlyweds!  And again, I wore our couples vibrator while we did it.  He had planned a wonderful, romantic, sexy surprise evening.  And he made me feel desired.  I wanted to show him how I appreciated it and how he made me feel pursued.

Best date night ever.

Which Couples Vibrator to get?

There are many adventures you can have with a couples vibrator.  I hope to add more of our adventures to this blog entry in the coming weeks.  It is a great way to spice up your sex life in ways that other sex toys cannot!

For all-around features and functionality, I would recommend getting the We-Vibe Sync.  Especially for couples that have to be apart for work travel on a regular basis.  It’s not cheap but it’s a great investment!

Carvaka Naughty G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator Review

The Carvaka Naughty G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator is a great rabbit vibrator on a budget. Our friends at Carvaka Sex Toys were nice enough to send us one for review, and we enjoyed the experience. It’s not the most amazing vibrator, but it’s pretty great without spending $100. Let’s take a look at the vibration, size, and shape of this nice rabbit vibrator.

Naughty G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator – Vibration Strength and Patterns

This vibrator has more features than our recently reviewed Carvaka Waterproof Silicone Mini Rabbit Vibrator.  It has a similar patterns, but the big improvements (besides the nicer size and shape, which we’ll get to later) are the three vibration strengths.  Check out the video below.  Again, just like the Mini Rabbit, there are only two control buttons – one for power and the other to circulate through the vibration modes.  The first three vibration modes are the power settings – low, medium, and high.  You have to go through these intensity settings to get to the vibration patterns.

Note the ears vibrating.  These are pretty wonderful.  Really.  They’re about 3/4 of an inch long also, which helps to “straddle” the clitoris and provide stimulation on both sides.  They’re not super limp ears also like the “jelly” rabbit vibrators, so they provide a good amount of stimulation to the clitoris.

Naughty G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator Review 3

The patterns on this vibrator are pretty decent, though we’ve never been a huge fan of variable vibration.  Just listen to it on high though – it’s pretty buzzy, but the vibration is pretty great.

Naughty G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator Review 4


Naughty G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator – Size and shape

As we already pointed out, the ears on the Naughty G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator are pretty great.  Because they are about 3/4 of an inch long, and there’s a bit of an overhang also before the arm, you get stimulation directly on top of the sensitive clitoris center, as well as the sides.

Naughty G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator Review 1You’ll also see from the pictures that the shape differs pretty significantly from the Lelo Mona 2 g-spot vibrator.  We have started taking pictures to compare size and shape to the Lelo Mona 2 there’s a common size reference point.  You’ll see that the insertable length is about the same as the Mona, maybe a little shorter.




Naughty G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator Review 5


Also, the inserted tip is significantly smaller, so it goes in easier than the Mona, but it’s not as full feeling inside.  However, the neck of the Mona 2 tapers quite a bit, so while it’s inside, you don’t get the fuller stretching feeling at the vaginal opening that you get from the Naughty G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator.



Naughty G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator Review 2The insertable side also has a wave to it that’s pretty obvious to see from the pictures.  But what’s not as easy to tell is that on the top there are some small gentle ridges going lengthwise.  The ridges are pretty nice since they give some texture to the sex toy, but they’re not a major feature.


Overall Impression of the Naughty G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator

Overall, the Naughty G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator is a pretty wonderful rabbit vibrator for those who are on a budget.  You don’t need to spend $100 for a rabbit vibrator that will give you leg clenching orgasms on the inside and out.  Though you’ll need to keep some AAA batteries on hand, this rabbit vibrator is a great choice, especially if you’re looking for your first rabbit vibrator.

Where to buy the Naughty G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator

If you want to buy straight from the manufacturer, the Carvaka Naughty G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator product page is here.  We haven’t seen it listed on Amazon, though if it is listed, we’ll post the link below.  Enjoy your new sex toy!

Carvaka Waterproof Silicone Mini Rabbit Vibrator Review

The Carvaka Waterproof Silicone Mini Rabbit Vibrator is a pretty good mini vibrator.  Our friends at Carvaka Sex Toys were nice enough to send us one for review!  It’s much better than the first vibrator we used – the infamous Butterfly Kiss.  If you have used vibrators before, especially rabbit vibrators, you probably won’t be impressed by this one.  But if you’re new to vibrators, especially g-spot vibrators or rabbit vibrators, this one is not intimidating at all and might be a great, inexpensive one to start with.

Waterproof Silicone Mini Rabbit Vibrator – Vibration Intensity and Patterns

Check out the video below to see the vibration modes and intensity.  The vibrator is pretty simple.  It has two buttons.  One for the power, and the other to switch between the vibration modes.  As you’ll see in the video, the the vibrator is either on or off.  There is no changing the intensity level, which is kind of a bummer.

The first change in vibration mode is to switch off the vibrator in the insertable head, only leaving the clitoral vibrator going.  Then push the button again and only the head vibrates.  Then pushing the mode button again switches them both on but starts the patterns.  The patterns are actually more enjoyable in this vibrator than others we have used, and I was happy that there were only a couple modes to choose from.

You can see the control buttons in the image below.  Also, note that this is powered by two AAA batteries.  Also kind of a bummer since you always need to make sure you have batteries on hand in case they start to wear out in the middle of a session.

Waterproof Silicone Mini Rabbit Vibrator Review 1






Waterproof Silicone Mini Rabbit Vibrator Review – Size and Shape

The Waterproof Silicone Mini Rabbit Vibrator is pretty small.  That can be a good or a bad thing, depending on what you’re going for.  We have started to compare our vibrators in size and shape compared to the Lelo Mona 2.  The Mona 2 is a pretty wonderfully sized g-spot vibrator (and a wonderful vibrator in general), so this gives you a standard size comparison.  You can see that the Waterproof Silicone Mini Rabbit Vibrator is quite a bit smaller than the Lelo Mona 2.

Waterproof Silicone Mini Rabbit Vibrator Review 3

Waterproof Silicone Mini Rabbit Vibrator Review 4






However, it does have a nice little curve on the end that hits your g-spot nicely.  Many ladies’ g-spots aren’t buried deep inside – typically only 2 or 3 inches in – so the size here works out pretty well, though it’s not going to give a very filling feeding internally.

Because of the shape of the clitoral ear though, if you want to maintain feeling on the clitoris, there’s going to be minimal thrusting with the Waterproof Silicone Mini Rabbit Vibrator.  If you pull out only slightly, you’ll lose the clitoral stimulation because there aren’t the “ears” of other rabbit vibrators, such as the Carvaka Naughty G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator, which we also reviewed here on Women and Sexuality.

Waterproof Silicone Mini Rabbit Vibrator Review 2

Overall impression of the Waterproof Silicone Mini Rabbit Vibrator

Though this vibrator isn’t the most impressive as far as power or size, it is a pretty good, inexpensive vibrator.  If you are new to vibrators and are just looking for something to spruce up your sex life on a budget, this vibrator isn’t a bad choice.  If you have used vibrators before though, you probably won’t be overly impressed with this one.  For those of you who have used g-spot vibrators and are looking for your first rabbit vibrator – also on a budget – the Naughty G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator is probably a better choice for you.

Where to get the Waterproof Silicone Mini Rabbit Vibrator

If you’re interested in buying this toy, and want to buy straight from the manufacturer, here’s the Carvaka Waterproof Silicone Mini Rabbit Vibrator product page

If you would prefer to buy from Amazon, here’s the link to the Amazon page:

Sexual Transformation Needed In Your Relationship?

Sexual Transformation Needed In Your Relationship?

Sexual Transformation Needed In Your Relationship? We’re here to help!

A lot of people report living their entire lives NEVER reaching their full potential in the arena of sexual arousal/pleasure. Maybe you and your partner take different pathways to arousal (and never communicate this difference), you get stuck in old patterns that lose their arousal response after a while (because you’ve become habituated to the stimulus), and/or you grew up learning that sex was a word that had a real negative connotation to it.

If you need to transform your sex life here are some words of wisdom to help you along:

  • Remember, sex is a sacred act between spouses. It was intended for good!
  • Set mutually established sensual or sexual goals for your relationship.
  • Make time for sex. Put it on the calendar. View these appointments as a sacred commitment between you and your spouse.
  • Realize you are your own expert when it comes to YOUR sexual arousal and desire. You are the teacher here!
  • Establish a safe way to talk about sex. When your spouse is being vulnerable, be careful with your response. Try to talk about positives first and communicate what you NEED from your spouse, instead of what your spouse is doing wrong.
  • Accept and honor differences between the two of you. You’re not going to agree on everything. Always find the middle ground.
  • Many individuals report not feeling like having sex until they are already having sex. Sometimes it feels like going to the gym. You don’t want to but once you get there, you’re glad you went. Just get things started!
  • If you get stuck in old patterns, it’s okay to ask for a novel experience to try out together.
  • Introducing sexual stimulation tools doesn’t have to be weird/dirty/kinky. Think of sexual stimulation tools,  like your kitchen equipment. No, you don’t NEED that food processor, but it sure does get the job done in half the time. Or that pasta maker with a different attachments, it gets you a variety of meal options to choose from.  

Valentine’s Day 2017

Valentine’s Day 2017

Valentine’s Day 2017 is fast approaching so you better start planning. This year you’re going to skip the easy to buy gifts and wow her instead with something a little more meaningful and thoughtful. We’ve got two ideas that don’t cost any money at all, but are more sentimental in nature.

Idea One:

Your Wedding Vows- remember those things? This was the contract of love and commitment you had pledged to one another in front of your closest friends and family. Go find those vows and make a little handwritten keepsake to put on your night stand. Think nice paper and penmanship in a beautiful frame. After the kids go to sleep make sure to bring this gift to her and say this year you want to reflect together on how your doing as a married couple. What in your marital contract are you doing well with and what are some areas you could maybe improve upon (you’re a pretty amazing hubby so not much to improve on). She may love the sentimental nature of this gift and the emotional connection you’re making when talking about how you two are measuring up against your wedding vows.

Idea Two:

Serenade Her- think either the song you two danced to together at your reception or her new favorite love song. Make it meaningful. Are you going to sing acapella or with musical accompaniment? PRACTICE! You don’t have to be a great vocalist, but make sure you put worth effort rehearsing this. Forgetting the words halfway through is no bueno! Now think of the location- if she is more of a private person, go ahead and sing to her at home. Just make sure it’s in a nice and tidy area of the home. If she loves public displays of affection, maybe go for a shopping mall or botanical garden type of venue. Lastly, be confident. Confidence is sexy!!!

Hopefully these ideas will help you plan ahead on ways to keep your love life interesting and romantic this Valentine’s Day.

Let us know which option you went with and how your lady responded in the comments section!

How to Trim Your Bush

How to Trim Your Bush

How to Trim Your Bush: Some things to ponder and some products we love for trimming our bush. Personal Trimmers and Waxing Kits 101.


You look down below and realize you’ve really neglected your bush- it’s crazy overgrown. It hasn’t had much attention lately and has really gotten out of hand. The first step is acknowledgment and the second step is to make a plan to trim this way back …

There are a couple of right ways to clean up this bush and a better time of the year to really trim it bare. 

Winter Months: Let this thing just take it’s natural shape. This is 70s style and the Europeans do it all the time, you remind yourself.

Spring: Grab a pair of these lady bush trimmers and find a comfortable location to begin your maintenance work. Next, decide how much you want to take off. Do you want to just give it a little shape around the edges? Maybe you’re feeling more daring today and want to remove the entire overgrown shrub? No, you decide. Save that one for when you go on vacation this summer.  You’ve got real landscaping skills and have an extra 5 minutes to yourself in the bathroom. You decide to trim your bush back but leave your hubby’s initials etched into it! He’ll love it you think to yourself!?!

Summer: You’re on trend so the Brazilian is the way to go. You agree to wax your crack if your hubby does his two. You buy your at home Brazilian waxing kit here, give it a try and then decide to never try that one again at home. Ooops, the wax ended up in a spot it probably was never intended to go. After a very painful and embarrassing visit to the ER you vow to never, ever speak with your spouse again. Please DO NOT attempt this at home! Trust the waxing professionals, they get paid the big bucks for a reason to do this job.

Fall: Time to use those lady bush trimmers again. Just one last maintenance trim to keep its  shape for the season. Or on those cool fall nights when you’re feeling energized, you trim the shrub back so he can see the windows on the house again. This is his signal its time to go down, down there.

8 Ways to Have a Positive Body Image

8 Ways to Have a Positive Body Image

positive body image - social constructsThere are many stereotypes about women vs. men.  Typically I do not like to follow along with these stereotypes, but one that I have found to be true highly often is that women tend to struggle with maintaining a positive body image.  Many people say that this is due to several reasons:

  • Images in the media of celebrities and models
  • “Fat shaming” and other bullying
  • Stereotypical norms and dimensions of what beautiful women should look like
  • Pornography

As a Christian myself, my personal belief is that these reasons above are all just tools of the evil one intended for one purpose: to drag women down.  Women were intended to be the pinnacle of beauty.  The ultimate and final creation.  However, the devil loves to pervert and twist and destroy.  He attacks the very beauty that women were intended for, and he does it in our hearts and minds.

“Wait, you’re a Christian and you write about sexual topics?”  Yep.  Sex is also intended to be a beautiful thing that binds couples together.  The theme for the site is not “that Christian sex site” because we intend for this site and the content to be available and helpful to everyone.

So, because I would like to encourage positive body image for all readers, male and female alike, below I propose 8 ways to have a positive body image!

#1: Find your purpose

You aren’t here to just work, have kids, get Obamacare, grow old, get Medicare, and die.  Each person on the earth has unique skills and energy to be able to apply to things they are passionate about.  Do you have a passion?  Really, house mom with five kids who spends most of the day changing diapers after packing lunches and making sure the soccer car pool is scheduled.  Do you have not only an outlet, but also something you really enjoy?  Some goals you work toward?  What do you look forward to?  And it’s not allowed to just be “the weekend” so you don’t have to go to work.

You need to have an activity in your life that you daydream about.  A purpose that you Google search about while you have some free time.  Each person should have something they do that when they’re done they wish they weren’t done.  Some goals they meet and then move higher.  Some weekly activity that when you’re done and it’s time to go home you are already looking forward to next week.

If you do not have something like this in your life, and you can’t think of something you have done that inspires you like this… try something new.  Really.  Try kyaking.  Join a soccer league / volleyball league / softball league / ping pong team / book club / bridge (card game) club / nature society.  You don’t need to know how to do it or already be good at it or even know that you’ll like it.  Just try new things until you find one that works for you.

What does purpose have to do with positive body image?  Two things:

  1. If you think about your passionate activity regularly, you have a purpose for what you do that makes you feel good about yourself.  Sitting at home watching Netflix probably doesn’t give you that purpose.  How you see yourself begins in your heart, so you need to fill your heart with love.  And out of your heart, everything around you is affected – your speech, your actions, your motivations.
  2. If you have a passionate activity that you truly enjoy, you’ll realize that you are valuable beyond the daily grind.  That leads me to our second way to have a positive body image:

#2: Realize you are incredibly valued and valuable

Even in the lunch packing / diaper changing mundane things in life, there is value.  Again, we have a purpose here, and it’s more than you think.  We’re intended for more than average.  And there are people around you who love you and wouldn’t know what they would do without you.

So, this activity here goes beyond finding something you’re passionate about.  It’s about recognizing the relationships that are important to you.  We aren’t simply talented and energy filled for performing activities, but we’re also love-filled to be able to pour that love into others.  And in doing so, you’ll realize just how much value you have.

Task: Write down a list of three people.  Not less than three and not more than three.  Three people you think you can express amazing love to in some way, and they least expect it.  Totally out of the blue.  And when you think about that person, think about an amazing way that you can love on them.  Maybe it’s a simple email.  Maybe it’s asking them to coffee and asking them how they are doing.  Ask how you can support them or if they want to come over for dinner.  Pour your love into three specific people – completely out of the blue.

What does realizing value have to do with positive body image?

Again, your self image is going to come from your heart.  You’ll even hear people say it about others, but it comes out a little differently.  “She’s hot, like a 10, but she’s a total bitch, so that brings her down to a 6.”  When you pour love into others, you’re filled with more love yourself.

#3: Exercise to meet your positive body image goals

just workin on my fitnessThis is the no-brainer, but mandatory item to include on the list about positive body image.  Exercising does more than just help you achieve a certain look though.  It affects the very way you think.  When you exercise, you release endorphin’s, which are chemicals that make your mind and body feel good.  So even right after your first workout, you’ll already feel better about yourself.  Couple that feel good stew with a sense of accomplishment, and you’re on the way to a positive body image for the day.

Now, to extend the positive body image from just the day of your workout to long-term, you need to set some achievable goals.  And achieve them.  We won’t go into all of the ways to stickf to a workout schedule, but find what works for you and work it.  Make a plan / work a plan.

I myself have a ridiculously positive body self image because I go to the gym regularly and I track my workouts to see my improvements.  Track your workouts.  Not every little step you take, but track something measurable that you can refer to the next time you exercise.  Why?  You need visible achievements – back to the achievements idea from #1 above.  Say you go to the gym for the first time in… a decade.  Congratulations!  You mustered courage.  Now, get on that treadmill and see what you can do.  Don’t worry about the others in the gym.  There may be dudes in there who have been lifting consistently for two decades and check themselves out in the mirror.  Check them out and enjoy it, but don’t try to keep up if you’re not physically ready.  Just do what you can do.  And write it down.  Then tomorrow, get in there and do a little more.

6 months of “a little more” adds up to “a lot more” and “Damn, girl, you look great!”

#4: Eat just a little healthier

Again, the no-brainer.  Unless you absolutely need to lose 100 pounds for urgent health reasons though, don’t attempt a wholesale change in your diet.  Try a small tweek – rather than eating a bowl of cereal before going to bed, eat a salad.  Don’t do the fad diet that you read about in some celebrity magazine.  “I’m on an all kale diet.  Absolutely nothing but kale.”  Again, small changes over 6 months combined with exercise add up to big changes, which leads to a positive body image.  Also, specific small changes are easier to stick with.  “I’m no longer drinking pop or sweet tea.”

#5: Surround yourself with your own positive body image

positive body image - messages on mirrorpositive body image - no negatives allowedWhen you take a look in the mirror and see that your calves are looking pretty great, write yourself a note and stick it on the mirror.  When you have a good workout (again, referencing your last workout and seeing improvement) – write a little “great job!” in your workout journal.  When you get in the car and you turn on the radio, turn on that Beyonce album and sing to yourself, “I woke up like this! Flawless.”

When anyone says anything to you that you took to be detracting from your positive body image, don’t get mad.  Instead, throw some truth at them!  “Actually, I love my breasts just the way they are.” and if you need to illustrate to them what it feels like how they were just speaking to you, throw in a “if I were as overweight as you, I’d have big floppy boobs too!”  You know what I mean.  Any time there is anyone or anything tearing down that beautiful body of yours, just put up your “stop sign hand” and tell them to shove off because you’re beautiful.

You want to be surrounded constantly by words that speak into your heart that you are beautiful.  Because you are.

#6: Wear some cute clothes and strut your stuff (practice confidence)

Get it, girl!  Sometimes you just gotta give yourself little rewards that show off that beautiful body.  Maybe buy something that shows off your hard work to your handsome hubby.  When you are ready, feel confident in showing off.  Remember, confidence is practiced!  Put on the heals and the hot outfit and strut confidently for no other reason than to strut.  How awesome is that?

#7: Have wild and passionate sex with your spouse

Sexual Attraction: Get into it!If you’re married, there are few things that can help you build a positive body image than getting hot and heavy with your significant other.  People want to feel desired.  It’s in our nature.  Spice it up too!  There are many articles on this site around how to spice up your sex life with your spouse.  Maybe try a dildo if you’re both onboard with that?  Or an amazing clitoral vibrator?  Maybe try spanking your hubby!  Get creative and turn the sex tables!  Don’t just make spaghetti again for dinner.  Go for spicy Indian food tonight in the bedroom.

Passionate sex isn’t just about the feeling.  It’s about being desired.  When someone desires you in the most intimate way, and they express it to you with passionate pursuit, you feel your body is valued and desired, which builds a strong positive body image.

#8: Realize you’re already beautiful

you are beautifulEach one of us is already beautiful in our own way.  We care about others, we pursue things in our lives we’re interested in, and we try to be good people.  We also have amazing potential built within us that even we can’t imagine.  Our minds, hearts, and bodies all have hidden untapped potential just waiting to be found and realized.  For this fact alone – that we are amazing beings capable of so much – we should treasure ourselves.

Why Use a Butt Plug??

Why Use a Butt Plug??

This article is intended to introduce one type of sex toy that may significantly enhance your sex life: the butt plug. We realize this product needs a better name if it’s to appeal to women. Butt + Plug does not equate to romantic sexy time in my mind. The anus is not a flat tire that needs a plug in it! Unlike a tire losing air and in need of a plug, poop is supposed to flow out of the anus, not be kept in with a plug! The marketing and design are all wrong for this product. But we digress… So far on Women and Sexuality, we have steered clear of the butt.  Until now, we just had not found the right anal play resources, products, and guidance to provide.  However, as ladies and couples become more interested in expanding their sex live, providing guidance on the butt and how to safely use a butt plug and other anal products is important.

There is a clear interest in the anal region for legitimate reasons, so let’s explore the reasons from a nonjudgmental mind here.  The anus and other internal areas can provide a significant amount of sexual pleasure. The anus is an erogenous zone. For some reason your anus was designed with the functionality of sexual stimulation when explored carefully and with caution. However, you should not just jump right to having anal sex or you will likely never try it again (based on what we’ve heard).  You need to have some practice and do some preparation first and also determine if you even enjoy it. Let’s explore it responsibly and bring some spice to our sexual relationships.

A good way to practice is to first try out using a small butt plug (Did we mention we hate this description?).  Butt plugs will also help you understand whether or not you enjoy the feeling of anal stimulation.

How do I use a butt plug?

how to use a butt plug - pink plugBut what are butt plugs, who uses them, and why!?  The butt plug, as the name suggests is a sex toy that is inserted anally.  Both men and women use butt plugs alike! They come in a range of shapes and sizes but all should have a flared base or arms at the base to prevent the toy from being lost up the rectal passage.  Yes that can happen! Always be careful when using any anal equipment!

This sexual stimulation tool, once inserted, in and of itself won’t create much by the way of stimulation unless it is a vibrating butt plug. Vibrating butt plugs can deliver a thoroughly enjoyable stimulation.  This is true particularly for men because they massage their P-spots (the prostate gland) as they vibrate. For women, they place pressure against the back vaginal wall and so make the space in the vagina less expansive.  This can make vaginal penetration more pleasurable both for the woman and the man penetrating her as the vagina feels tighter. The real value of a butt plug is felt on climaxing as orgasming with a butt plug inserted heightens the strength of the orgasm.  For this reason, butt plugs can be enjoyed by men and women, solo or as a couple.


Why are butt plugs used? An illustrative video

Below is a great informational video that our friends at Carvaka Sex Toys produced.  It provides a good amount of information about what butt plugs are, why people use them, how to use a butt plug, and how they help heighten the sexual experience. It is also important to us here at Women and Sexuality that any images or video on the site do not have any graphic images. Thankfully, the video below only uses illustrations! Thanks again to Carvaka for producing the video. We hope you find it as interesting and helpful as we did!


If a poop covered plug is not something your significant other is interested in, please be cool with that.  He/She may have no desire for a close-up on his/her spouse’s anus and/or easily grossed out by bodily fluids. This sexual stimulation tool is not for everyone.

Remember, good relationships and a good sex life is about good communication and respecting each other’s boundaries.

What butt plug should I get?

Okay, we’re interested. What’s a good one for beginners? Here are a couple that we would recommend, from manufacturers we trust. Don’t just get the least expensive plug out there on Amazon!

Is Coconut Oil Safe for your Vagina?

Is coconut oil safe for your vagina?

We’ve heard many things about using coconut oil as lube over the last couple of years.  The coconut oil lube conversation really blew up when two threads it caught a lot of traction on Reddit  (this one and this one).  We’ve even written an article about why coconut oil is the best lube for both massage and sex.  But I wanted to write another article for those who wanted to explore specifically whether or not coconut oil is safe for your vagina.

coconut oil safe vagina 1Also, there is another purpose for this article.  It’s not good enough to know that coconut oil is safe for your vagina, but we should be excited about using it!  That’s why the latter section of this article will explore the advantages and wonderful possibilities of using coconut oil on a regular basis.

1. Is coconut oil safe?

For this question, I’ve decided to take a survey of all the literature available on the subject, plus augment it with personal experience.  For starters, I have used coconut oil on a regular basis for many things.  It is wonderful as a skin moisturizer.  Especially in the winter, my skin gets really dry.  I had been using several expensive lotions such as the thicker Eucerin variants and others.  They didn’t seem to be working all that well.  So I had heard that coconut oil was a great moisturizer, and decided to give it a try.  I would use it all over my body and then apply a smaller amount of the thicker lotion on top.  This really seemed to work wonders and I have never had an adverse reaction.

Also, my husband and I had started to use coconut oil as both massage oil and sex lube.  It’s amazing for both.  There are several products marketed as massage oils that mix several types of natural oils.  We have tried these also and not been impressed.  The simple coconut oil was better and much less expensive than all of these.  The ability to use the same thing for a wonderful massage and not have to switch to something else when starting to have sex is really wonderful.

2. What do the professionals say?

Unfortunately, there are no studies about coconut oil use on vaginas out there in the medical journals that are peer reviewed and published by professional researchers.  Apparently there’s just not as much money in sex product research for some reason.  So we need to resort to more anecdotal information from various sources:

  1. Huffingtom Post writer, Pamela Madsen, writes here that you should use coconut oil on a regular basis on your whole vulva.  After wiping when you go to the bathroom, use a bit of coconut oil to soften up and moisturize your outer and inner labia.  Wonderful advice here, Pamela!  I’ve started doing this and I have noticed a significant difference.  I used to have some dry areas where I wipe regularly, but since using it at least once daily – no more!
  2. Women’s Health quotes Jennifer Landa, M.D., Chief Medical Officer of BodyLogicMD as saying that coconut oil is great for your vagina, it can help with yeast infections, and it lasts longer than water-based lubes.  If you’re not allergic, go for it.  Just not with a latex condom.  The oil could make the condom more likely to break.
  3. SELF quoted two doctors here. First, “Lubricant can be medicinal, but it can also be pleasure-enhancing,” Alyssa Dweck, M.D., assistant clinical professor of obstetrics at Mount Sinai School of Medicine.  Also, “I’m a big fan of coconut oil as a lubricant for women,” says ob/gyn Sherry Ross, M.D.  “I probably recommend it more in menopausal women because it has staying power in the vagina, which is good for dryness.”
  4. From Natural News, “Coconut oil is the best oil to use if you opt to use one vaginally and it is actually a great way to treat yeast infections as it contains caprylic acid. Specifically, it has been shown to be quite effective in combating Candida strains.”  Most of this article is spent saying that if you’re going to use an oil lube, go with coconut oil, but otherwise they recommend water-based lubes such as Astroglide, which we also enjoy occasionally.  The issue with Astroglide is it’s not good for body massage and it is more expensive in larger amounts than coconut oil.
  5. From this post on, Dr. Raquel Dardik, Associate Professor Gynecology at NYU Langone Medical Center was quoted as saying that you should not use tea tree oil on your vagina because it does not have a neutral pH level, unlike coconut oil.  This isn’t a solid thumbs up for coconut oil, but it’s more of a “well if you’re going to use any type of oil, make sure it has a neutral pH.”

That’s all we’ll quote for now, but as you can see, the professionals so far are mostly on board as saying that coconut oil is safe for your vagina or even beneficial.  We haven’t found any actual evidence of any adverse affects.  All of the stories and testimony so far is that it is wonderful for your sexual health.

So Why use it?

coconut oil safe vagina 2Well, as we alluded to above, one key usage of coconut oil is as an external moisturizer for your whole vulva.  Rubbing it all around your inner and outer lips, clitoris, and surrounding areas is pretty wonderful.  It helps to moisturize your lady parts in a way that I would not ever trust a lotion.  Also, who doesn’t like to have a little mid-day self massage, even if it’s not intended to take to a climax?

We’ve already talked about the obvious uses where coconut oil helps with a great relaxing massage.  It can also be used for internal lubrication.  But have you considered coconut oil for a penis massage?  All of this conversation so far has been using coconut oil for your vagina.  It’s also wonderful and safe for massaging on a penis.  A dry “hand job” is one thing, but a lubricated penis massage takes it to a whole new level!

Finally, if you’re anticipating that you might get lucky later, doing a little pre-lubrication earlier in the day or on a consistent basis helps make sure you’re ready for the big event!

Which one should I buy?

Only buy the “virgin” or “extra virgin” coconut oil.  Do not buy the fractionated versions, even though these stay a liquid at room temperature.  The fractionated version is generally thought to be not as safe as the virgin.  Here are the two that we have purchased a few times from Amazon with no adverse effects.  I have been refilling the smaller bottles with the larger one.